"This Struggling Waitress Received a Life-Changing Tip From Morrissey..." - The Hard Times (parody)

Pretty dumb Morrissey parody article

This Struggling Waitress Received a Life-Changing Tip From Morrissey and Now Wants to Die - The Hard Times
September 29, 2016 Culture, Hard Style



Excerpt:

Oh boy, looks like Morrissey is making headlines again.

We all know that from time to time celebrities will leave a big, life-changing tip for their waitperson that inevitably finds its way to social media. But this past Sunday at Echo Park’s Jupiter Café, Morrissey, the often-shirtless former lead singer of The Smiths, gave a tip to struggling 23-year-old waitress Allie Paige that will almost certainly ruin her life forever.

According to Allie’s numerous social media posts, the morning rush was finally slowing down when Morrissey entered the café and sat in her section. It had been a fast-paced and upbeat morning at Jupiter, but suddenly it seemed like a dark cloud rolled into the café.
 
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Quando quando quando

Well-Known Member
http://thehardtimes.net/2016/09/29/...ed-life-changing-tip-morrissey-now-wants-die/

This Struggling Waitress Received a Life-Changing Tip From Morrissey and Now Wants to Die

September 29, 2016 Culture, Hard Style


Oh boy, looks like Morrissey is making headlines again.

We all know that from time to time celebrities will leave a big, life-changing tip for their waitperson that inevitably finds its way to social media. But this past Sunday at Echo Park’s Jupiter Café, Morrissey, the often-shirtless former lead singer of The Smiths, gave a tip to struggling 23-year-old waitress Allie Paige that will almost certainly ruin her life forever.

According to Allie’s numerous social media posts, the morning rush was finally slowing down when Morrissey entered the café and sat in her section. It had been a fast-paced and upbeat morning at Jupiter, but suddenly it seemed like a dark cloud rolled into the café.

“I asked him how his morning was going and he sighed dramatically and wrapped his arms awkwardly around his shoulders like this,” Allie told me while embracing herself in a weird, depressed hug. “So then I asked if the table was OK and he sighed again saying, ‘Oh, this table is perfectly mediocre, but life is a pigsty.”

Wondering if perhaps he was just a little hangry (like we all get sometimes), Allie offered to take Morrissey’s order, but this too seemed to upset the notoriously picky eater.

“He ordered a vegan blueberry muffin and when I informed him that we were all out and suggested a blueberry scone instead, he did that weird self-hug thing again and clumsily flopped on the table muttering that he ‘doesn’t believe in magic anymore,’” Allie said shaking her head. “It was really weird.”

From that point on, Allie says Morrissey became completely and utterly inconsolable. In fact, he proceeded to loudly repeat, ‘I’m completely and utterly inconsolable,’ over and over again. When Allie brought him his bill he looked her directly in the eyes and said, “Give up darling, this world is utterly dreadful. You, just like me, will undoubtedly die. Alone.”

Allie has had some weird advice from customers in the past (she told me about one guy who made his eggs and bacon smile and then said ‘you should do that more’ to her — GROSS!), but this tip will be hard to shake for the struggling waitress who is just trying to get by in the aftermath of a tough breakup.

“I just started thinking about how miserable my life is. I can hardly pay the rent for my shitty apartment, my ex-boyfriend just moved in with his new girlfriend, and I f***ing hate working at this place. What if Morrissey is right? What if things don’t get better for me and everything really is utterly dreadful?” Allie said fighting back tears. “Because I’m human and I need to be loved too, you know?”

I think Moz went too far this time. But what do you think? If you agree with the waitress comment your last words below.

Article by Sari Beliak @TheCrassCeiling.

Hard Style is a brand new blog by the people who brought you The Hard Times. Like us on Facebook to keep up with all our posts.




You've said it Doc.
Pretty dumb Morrissey parody.
Missing the point of a parody, to be funny.

There are some testimonies of people who encountered him in their professional duties, that seemed to be a lot more reliable and were funny just because they were. And not intended to be funny.

And Moz went too far?
That's really laughable coming from the so-called Hard Times.
He didn't go far enough.
Did that waitress really think she was the only one having hard times?
It should be a relieve for her too know that a rich and famous popstar has it sooo baaaddd too. :( :rolleyes:
 

Eder

Member
You've said it Doc.
Pretty dumb Morrissey parody.
Missing the point of a parody, to be funny.

There are some testimonies of people who encountered him in their professional duties, that seemed to be a lot more reliable and were funny just because they were. And not intended to be funny.

And Moz went too far?
That's really laughable coming from the so-called Hard Times.
He didn't go far enough.
Did that waitress really think she was the only one having hard times?
It should be a relieve for her too know that a rich and famous popstar has it sooo baaaddd too. :( :rolleyes:
Did it really happen or is it just a made up article so people can diss morrissey for being miserable again ?..
I've never understood the miserable label they attach to the smiths... the smiths and mozza are humorous ..
 

Quando quando quando

Well-Known Member
Did it really happen or is it just a made up article so people can diss morrissey for being miserable again ?..
I've never understood the miserable label they attach to the smiths... the smiths and mozza are humorous ..
Yes. So true.
I think many people don't get the self mockery and why it can be funny to be (melo) dramatic and self deprecating at the same time.
I guess there are other artists that they do get.
At least I hope so for them, but they are really missing out on something very special and dear, to me that is.
Cheers Eder !
 

Quando quando quando

Well-Known Member
What a load of stereotypical bollocks that's not even funny !
I like your avatar Eder!
I am a catlover, that's a nice exemplar. :p
 
A

Anonymous

Guest
Did it really happen or is it just a made up article so people can diss morrissey for being miserable again ?..
I've never understood the miserable label they attach to the smiths... the smiths and mozza are humorous ..
It would seem to me made up. I think the confusion is caused by referring to it as an article. It's a parody fiction piece and yes I agree morrissey hardly seems miserable overall. That was only one side of him
 

docinwestchester

Well-Known Member
I think the confusion is caused by referring to it as an article. It's a parody fiction piece
I see it as a parody in internet article format.

It's based on the numerous internet articles in which a well known celebrity is reported to leave an exorbitant tip and the waitress or waiter gets the story circulating in social media.
 
A

Anonymous

Guest
I see it as a parody in internet article format.

It's based on the numerous internet articles in which a well known celebrity is reported to leave an exorbitant tip and the waitress or waiter gets the story circulating in social media.
Fiction is based on many real life pieces but it doesn't make it an article. Even so it wasn't a criticism of you or an effort to call you wrong just pointing out the reason why people might think it a factual. I don't think if I said to my friend hey I'm doing an article on morrissey based around the phenomenon of celebrities leaving large life changing tips they would even then believe that article would involve only a made up story told in the first person about events that didn't happen. If I said hey I'm doing a fiction parody story based around morrissey leaving his version of a life changing tip to a waitress then i think this would be more likely to come to mind
 

bored

Lust a prima vista
For the 20,000th time this type of artcile fails to make anyone even chuckle.
 

michaelk

Member
I quite enjoy the hard times and usually get a laugh out of every second or so article i read, but this one feels kinda lazy? Theres so many Morrissey-ism's to the way he speaks, it could have been beneficial to watch or read an interview or two instead of just responding with the punchline being a song title or lyric.
It feels very paint-by-number, with most of the responses interchangeable. It's too bad because with an ounce of effort, the hard times is capable of much better.
 

dotmatrix522

Hey, how’s it going?
*Rolls eyes*

I remember a (most likely) true series of tweets from a cabbie who drove Moz from the St. Louis Four Seasons a few years back. He said Morrissey was a good tipper, and that he asked the driver to turn it to the "oldies" station. :thumb:
 
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ACTON

Don't Leave Us In The Dark
Whatever brainless hack typed up that useless piece of garbage deserves to have a nasty accident with a three bar fire.
How it made the front page of Moz Solo is beyond me.
 
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