The Pizza Manifesto I


Back from the grave
I am a delivery driver for a franchise pizza place in XXXXXXX, California. And I am sick and tired of being treated like crap because I don't make $50,000+ a year, because I don't go to college, and because I work what most people consider a dead-end job. This is my manifesto.

Working as a delivery driver is not a dead-end job. The majority of people who drive delivery (and you have to be 18 to drive so it's not "kids") are college students or people who need a second job to support their families. Don't treat me like an idiot. You don't know anything about me. Would you be surprised to know that the girl who's delivering your pizza graduated with straight A's? What about the fact that I turned down a scholarship to the Reynolds School of Journalism? Oh, AND one to MIT? Yeah, that's what I thought. Put up or shut up.

Working as a delivery driver isn't degrading, and it isn't humiliating. Someone has to do it, or else you won't get your f***ing pizza.

Mishaps happen. If your pizza is a few minutes late, it isn't a personal insult against your character. It is also rarely the driver's fault; these things normally happen before your meal even leaves the store. Do not take it out on the driver. Have some compassion.

I am out here working for seven dollars an hour. I love my job, but it's not enough to survive on. Most drivers, myself included, survive on tips. If you do not have enough money to tip someone, you shouldn't be ordering delivery pizza in the first place. Here's my suggestion: take the money you were going to use to order pizza, and walk your ass down to the grocery store and buy a week's worth of meals with it. Save everyone the trouble.

If you live in a f***ing palace on the rich end of town, a dollar is not a sufficient tip. I'm not saying give me your paycheck....maybe a two or three dollar tip. I mean, even going by the ten percent rule, a dollar is f***ing pathetic, you know? If your house cost more than three hundred thousand dollars to buy, you can afford to give your delivery driver a decent tip.
Thirty minute delivery times just aren't possible sometimes. As I stated before, this is not a slight on you personally. If there's one pizza place servicing an entire city, expect your pizza to be a little late. If you live in the boondocks, expect your pizza to be late.

If a pizza place does not deliver to your area, do not ask them "do you know who does?" Most likely they do not, and they definitely do not want to refer you there. This is somewhat rude, crass, tactless, and definitely irritating. Pick up the phone book, look under "delivery," and find out for yourself. No one said life was going to be an easy ride.

"My pizza is five minutes late, do I have to tip you?" Tips are not mandatory. They are just appreciated greatly, and I will not be overly effusive with my joy if you don't tip me. I'll give you the bare minimum-a small smile, a nod, and a "good evening." I'll also mutter bad things about you under my breath on my way back to my car. If you tip me well, I will give you all of the courtesies you expect. This goes for almost every driver I've ever met. Asking if you have to tip me is rude and offensive, and I've come extremely close to snapping back, or punching, people who have said this to me.

"Do you want a slice of pizza?" Giving me some of your food that I just delivered instead of a tip just ain't gonna cut it. I've been working with this place for almost two years--I'm sick of f***ing pizza. Just give me the money you owe me (for the pizza, remember, a tip isn't mandatory) and let me retreat as quickly as possible.

When talking on the phone to someone for a pizza place, do not ask them to name off every topping. My pizza place has over twenty different toppings. I know of some places that have even more than that. I do not know the list by memory. If you want a specific topping, ask if we carry that topping. It's a safe bet that every pizza place has cheese and pepperoni, so you're off to a good start.

If you write a check for a pizza, you should have your ID ready. It's not just company policy, it's federal law, people. Just because some drivers don't do it doesn't mean they're right. If you're paying by a method that's not cash, you have to show your ID, plain and simple.

If something is wrong with your pizza, you can ask--politely, please--the driver if it's possible for them to contact the store. I, personally, do not have a problem with this, and I carry my cell phone on me. I used to be in management for this store, so I know how to handle mistakes. However, most drivers do not. Some drivers don't even have a cell phone. If you don't want the pizza, give it back to the driver, or, better yet, call the place and ask for a manager--politely. Take it from me, no matter how mad you are at a pizza f***-up, if you handle it maturely, you will be taken care of in almost no time whatsoever. If you scream and yell, chances are you will be blacklisted and refused service in the future.

If your coupon is expired, no, you cannot use it. I'm sorry, that's the way the world works. There are expiration dates.

Just remember, when asking for specials, that the person you're talking to has been asked that same question at least fifty seven times that night. They are not going to make an effort to speak slowly for you; they have things to do. Time is of the essence. If you ask for specials, pay attention.

If you speak Spanish, learn English. Pizza is not a Hispanic food, it is an American food. It's not even Italian, like most people think; it is descendant from Italian, it was created by Italians, but it was born in America. Learn English, because most pizza places won't have a Spanish speaker on hand.

Si usted habla español, aprende inglés. La pizza no es un alimento hispano, es un alimento Americano. Es ni el italiano, como la mayoría de las personas piensa; es descendiente del italiano, fue creado por italianos, pero nacía en América. Aprenda inglés, porque la mayoría de los lugares de la pizza no tendrán a un orador español a la mano.

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Active Member
Is it difficult for you to walk with that huge f***ing chip on your shoulder.

1. If you dislike it so much and have such a great education, get a different job.
2. Don't be so racist, do you know how to speak Cantonese? Indian? Mexican? If so doesn't your own logic preclude you from ordering food from restaurants serving this type of food.
3. Pizza IS Italian.

slum mum 1974

New Member
All i am going to say on the matter is, i'm sorry you had to deal with such a person that made you feel the need to express your frustration. I treat delivery drivers with the utmost respect. I know what it is like to be one, i delivered frozen meals to the disabled and the elderly. I'm sorry for the way people treat you.


Active Member
In the words of Home and Away's Ray Meagher - "If you sit on the fence for too long you end up with splinters in your arse".

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El Manzo

♡ mr. tender ♡
Why such a post, Racer? Some people could take you seriously.
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slum mum 1974

New Member
but i am a big girl...:p

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