The Moz/Smiths Top 100, Part 264: The Kid's A Looker

How do you rate The Kid's A Looker?

  • Total voters


Junior Member
In 2007, and early 2008, I put up polls for all 234 then released Morrissey and The Smiths-songs. More than 40,000 votes were cast and this resulted in The Morrissey/Smiths Top 100, or indeed, The Morrissey/The Smiths Top 234. In 2009/2010 we updated this chart with the 25 new songs that were released in 2008-2010. The final results of 2010, the 'Top 259', can be viewed here. Now, 4 years on, many people have asked me to continue with the polls as since the last one 25 new Morrissey-songs have been released.
So we'll start with the songs that were released in 2011, 2012 and 2013 and we'll end with the 18 songs from World Peace Is None of Your Business.

So here it goes. Let's hope for as big a turn-out as in 2007 and 2010 and, once again, vote with your heart, not with your mind.

Song 264: The Kid's A Looker (Morrissey/Boz Boorer)

He can't dance or sing
He can't do anything
But what the hell?
The kid's a looker
Just add cash and stir
And there you are,
another nonsense non-star

There's no pretense
This kid is dense
But what the hell?
The kid's a looker
Just add cash and stir
And the crass consumers line up
Shoulder to shoulder

Through the night
The kid took his life
So very sad
However do not call this number again
We're busy molding the face
Of the kid's replacement

Previous polls:

Part 263: Action is My Middle Name
Part 262: People Are The Same Everywhere
Part 261: Safe, Warm Lancashire Home
Part 260: Treat Me Like a Human Being
Polls 259-1

Last edited by a moderator:
Well, I had to listen to the song again because I'd forgotten almost everything about it...

Maybe not the best sign, but I do like the inflection on the first 'What the hell?' and the la-la-las section is brilliant. There's something vaguely delirious about the whole thing, like Moz is on the boardroom table impersonating the music executives and the tripe they promote. Definitely not essential but it gets a solid 7 from me.
Absolute dreck. I'm not sure there's anything redeemable about this song and it is without a doubt one of the worst in Morrissey's entire catalogue.

It gets a 2 from me.
Rarely does a Morrissey song that fails in my eyes elicit anger from me, but this one did from the first listen. No subtlety in this inverse Get Off The Stage / Paint a Vulgar Picture hybrid. The music Boz provided sounds like a left-over rockabilly-flavored demo that was rejected from Your Arsenal. Not to worry - keyboards will make it sound "fresh." The Studio In Session version did nothing to raise its stock.

Execrable. The (hopefully) one and only time I've voted a 1. Sorry, "Kid" - you're on your own.
Man, that's terrible. I'd forgotten just how bad a song it actually hurts to listen to. I gave it a 2.
The kid may well be a looker but the song is an absolute flipping stinker!
It was one of the first ones written post-YOR so one can only guess that the band and Morrissey simply could not muster up any lyrical or musical inspiration.
At least they realised how awful it was, too, and stopped playing it live pretty quickly unlike People Are The Same.
By my calculations 'Kid' is going to be easily the worst Morrissey or Smiths song of all time (with People Are The Same in the 2nd worse position).
Amazing to think they were both premiered in the same Janice Long session. What did she do to deserve it?
Last edited:
minus 10...

I would actually prefer to listen to Justin Bieber than this song.
Last edited:
Morrissey was in a severe trough during this period, with some real stinkers emerging - this being one of the smelliest. In retrospect, how lucky we are he DIDN'T have a record contract at the time. Can you imagine the shite that would have been on the album if he'd released one at the time?
The worst of the 4 songs from that time period, but not horrible (IMO)
i didnt think it as bad as people are making it out to be, mostly the viva hate lovers i think, but its nothing to special either. i like the descending bit in at the end of the verse in the vocal and the rhyme was decent. id give it a five. recording was horrible but the chorus was funny to me underscoring the lyrics.
one anonymous person agreeing with another. id give it a six as well
Well, it's not a terribly good song, and I think it suffers from not being a studio recording. I do remember enjoying it performed live at Hop Farm festival. It's not terrible, and there are worse songs on KILL UNCLE, such as FOUND FOUND FOUND or KING LEER.

A solid 5 from me.
Top Bottom