The Moz/Smiths Top 100, Part 256: LIFEGUARD ON DUTY

How do you rate Lifeguard On Duty?

  • Total voters


Junior Member
In 2007, and early 2008, we put up polls for all 234 then released Morrissey and The Smiths-songs. More than 25,000 votes were cast and the result was The Morrissey/Smiths Top 100, or indeed, The Morrissey/The Smiths Top 234. This year many people have asked me to continue with the polls as 18 new Morrissey-songs have been released since. With the release of 'Swords' now seems as good a time as any to start them.

Now that we've done all the new songs from 2009, and the older songs released this year, and with no foreseeable new songs in the near future, to finish these series off we'll move to the unreleased (full) tracks that have emerged over the last couple of year, i.e. Born To Hang, Happy Lovers United, I'm Playing Easy To Get, Lifeguard On Duty, Oh Phoney, Please help The Cause Against Loneliness and Striptease With A Difference, in that order.


Voting should be something along these lines:
10: Perfection
9: Near perfect, brilliant
8: Really good Moz/Smiths song
7: Good Moz/Smiths song
6: OK, Nothing special
5: Uninspired
4: Poor
3: Bad
2: Should never have been released
1: He should be ashamed

Previous polls (voting will remain open):

Part 255: I'm Playing Easy To Get
Part 254: Happy Lovers United
Part 253: Born To Hang
Part 252: You Should Have been Nice To Me
Part 251: Fantastic Bird
Part 250: Honey, You Know Where To Find Me
Part 249: I'm OK By Myself
Part 248: Sorry Doesn't Help
Part 247: You Were Good In Your Time
Part 246: It's Not Your Birthday Anymore
Part 245: One Day Goodbye Will Be Farewell
Part 244: When Last I Spoke To Carol
Part 243: Black Cloud
Part 242: Mama Lay Softly On The Riverbed
Part 241: Something Is Squeezing My Skull
Part 240: Because Of My Poor Education
Part 239: Shame Is The Name
Part 238: I'm Throwing My Arms Around Paris
Part 237: My Dearest Love
Part 236: Drive-In Saturday
Part 235: Children In Pieces
Part 234: That's How People Grow Up
Part 233: All You Need Is Me
Part 232 and previous
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New Member
when I first heard the song, I though it was a bit silly. now I find it lovely, nothing special though. gave it 8. :)
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from the Ice Age to the dole age
The whole song just goes nowhere. 3.


Forever Ill
an 8

catchy tune [Alain's composer?] with jingle jangle close to Johnny's early Smiths tunes

Morrissey's voice and lyrics makes it sorta 'didn't we heard this one before'
but not annoying

Gregor Samsa

I straighten up, and my position is one of hope.
You really seem to have a hard time when people have different opinions than you :D

"Word"... My thought exactly.

I gave it a 7. Sounds very much like a whimsical Sarah Records-tune, but with far better lyrics than most Sarah releases.


Reckless Endangerment
On a separate note, looking at the news article on display in the video -- I never knew Richard Coles was a contender to be a collaborator with Morrissey. Surprising to me, indeed.

(An episode of "Rock School" where the Communards play "Breadline Britain")

I was a fan of the Communards, but primarily for Richard Coles instrumental work. Jimmy Sommerville doesn't really do it for me, but I think paired they made a pretty effective duo. I imagine there could have been some fantastic work done had Coles been paired with Moz. Potential from an interesting turn from guitar-based music to possibly something cabaret-geared. :cool:
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Junior Member
an 8

catchy tune [Alain's composer?] with jingle jangle close to Johnny's early Smiths tunes

Think it's pre-Whyte (see YouTube-link above).
A rejected Street-composition.

Still better than many accepted Whyte-compositions.


7 is generous. It has a couple of interesting lines, bat on the collarbone and drenched in phlegm, but he's done it better. This is a good start but needs more, and it seems like maybe he just wasn't that interested in it.

"It's the only life I'll ever have
I'm always good I'm never bad" is not very good at all. I don't think he was very inspired.

Compare it to Honey, You Know Where To Find Me, which is much better, but still probably an 8, and there is no way this one ranks that high. Nice to have heard it though.


Active Member
Not too bad. Musically, I like it, but the lyrics could certainly have been improved on. Sounds like an out-take from the session that spawned the Playboys & Interesting Drug single and its b-sides.
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