The Drivel Thread

My track record. More than 6 years on my trail, and what does he get? A cold bitch. Will I always come up deeply cold?
 
I took the advice of a guy to clean my floor. I walked home, past two approachable people, like a soldier following orders. I walked slowly and stiffly away from them. Then someone gave me a good dressing down. Told me off, good and proper, for snubbing the two brothers. Mudslide of gloom, me walking away from them to go clean my room. So, what now? I guess I'm all washed up. What's the point in cleaning the floor now. What's the point of searching to be treated like a human being in whole? Alma matters, not just "Cleanliness is next to Godliness."Alma matters. The way I walked away, so stiffly, was cold. A floor cleaner, I was aspiring to be, not a puny brother.
 
That's all it took. A native guy telling me to get cleaning over with. And I became a cold machine.
 
People are drowning and I walk past them to take marching orders to clean the floor. Slipping below the waterline, and I say hi and keep walking.
 
I'm reminded of the party I was surprised to get an invite to, when I lived in that fractious and snobby foster home. When I went to the party, I was delighted that everyone was an outsider, oddball. I felt loved and wanted. A car just drove by with music, the vocalist mentioning a party, which reminded me of that one fun party I showed up at, driven there by foster parents that didn't even try to like me.
 
I parted from my friend today, thinking the grass was greener elsewhere. I'm astonished at how cold and stupid I can be.
 
I moronically wanted to recreate the party of my youth, and thought Oppenheimer park was where I would find the people to fill it. I'm disappointed in myself, for being so dense. My friend will probably want nothing to do with me now.
 
He wasn't in a spiffy enough costume for me I guess. The clothes he wore seemed deliberately designed to show low self esteem, but I'm the one with low self esteem, and spiffy costume. I thought, in the future we could spend more time together. I turned down his invitation for today, stuck on the idea of finding wild party animals in the downtown east side. I'm ashamed.
 
Light Housework said:
He wasn't in a spiffy enough costume for me I guess. The clothes he wore seemed deliberately designed to show low self esteem, but I'm the one with low self esteem, and spiffy costume. I thought, in the future we could spend more time together. I turned down his invitation for today, stuck on the idea of finding wild party animals in the downtown east side. I'm ashamed.
Click to expand...
Your a fighter.... FIGHT 👍
 
Light Housework said:
Sure Baz. I sat on the bus as a woman beat on a man who didn't fight back today. I just sat there, as she told him she can get away with it because she's native. Some fighter.
Click to expand...
Maybe if I'd had Joy Division playing in my head, I'd have stood up for the guy that woman was picking on. It seemed theatrical and the woman looked kind of like Lady Gaga. The man could have been played by Johnny Depp.
 
Lately I've been wishing I were dead. Feeling ashamed for not intervening in that one sided fight, is a step up from wishing to be dead.
 

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