~ The 'All things CATS' thread ~


realitybites said:
Here is our cat Katie. Alan took these last night.

Please double click photos to enlarge.

. . .
Katie is adorable! :p She seems so secure and almost blasé in the photos.

. . .

Here is something I was reading earlier today.
You Know You're A Cat Person When...


Feast of the Sedentation

How would the Church of England deal with the statement that "the cat sat on the mat" if it appeared in the Bible?

The liberal theologians would point out that such a passage did not of course mean that the cat literally sat on the mat. Also, cat and mat had different meanings in those days from today, and anyway, the text should be interpreted according to the customs and practices of the period.

This would lead to an immediate backlash from the Evangelicals. They would make it an essential condition of faith that a real physical, living cat, being a domestic pet of the species Domesticus, and having a whiskered head, a furry body, four legs and a tail, did physically place its whole body on a floor covering, designed for that purpose, and which is on the floor but not of the floor. The expression "on the floor but not of the floor" would be explained in a leaflet.

Meanwhile, the Catholics would have developed the Feast of the Sedentation of the Blessed Cat. This would teach that the cat was white, and majestically reclined on a mat of gold thread before its assumption to the Great Cat Basket of Heaven. This is commemorated by singing the "Magnificat" and "Felix namque", lighting three candles, and ringing a bell five times.

This would cause a schism with the Orthodox Church which believes tradition requires Holy Cats Days (as it is colloquially known), to be marked by lighting SIX candles and ringing the bell FOUR times. This would partly be resolved by the Cuckoo Land Declaration recognising the traditional validity of each.

Eventually the House of Bishops would issue a statement on the Doctrine of the Feline Sedentation. It would explain, traditionally the text describes a domestic feline quadruped superjacent to an unattached covering on a fundamental surface. For determining its salvific and eschatological significations, we follow the heuristic analytical principles adopted in dealing with the Canine Fenestration Question (How much is that doggie in the window?) and the Affirmative Musaceous Paradox (Yes, we have no bananas). And so on, for another 210 pages.

The General Synod would then commend this report as helpful resource material for clergy to explain to the man in the pew the difficult doctrine of the cat sat on the mat.

– Author unknown



Day number 180
8:00 am - Oh boy! Dog Food! My Favorite!
9:30 am - Oh boy! A car ride! My Favorite!
9:40 am - Oh boy! A walk! My Favorite!
10:30 am - Oh boy! A car ride! My Favorite!
11:30 am - Oh boy! Dog Food! My Favorite!
12:00 noon - Oh boy! The kids! My Favorite!
1:00 pm - Oh boy! The yard! My Favorite!
4:00 pm - Oh boy! The kids! My Favorite!
5:00 PM - Oh boy! Dog Food! My Favorite!
5:30 PM - Oh boy! Mom! My Favorite!

Day number 181
8:00 am - Oh boy! Dog Food! My Favorite!
9:30 am - Oh boy! A car ride! My Favorite!
9:40 am - Oh boy! A walk! My Favorite!
10:30 am - Oh boy! A car ride! My Favorite!
11:30 am - Oh boy! Dog Food! My Favorite!
12:00 noon - Oh boy! The kids! My Favorite!
1:00 pm - Oh boy! The yard! My Favorite!
4:00 pm - Oh boy! The kids! My Favorite!
5:00 PM - Oh boy! Dog Food! My Favorite!
5:30 PM - Oh boy! Mom! My Favorite!

Day number 182
8:00 am - Oh boy! Dog Food! My Favorite!
9:30 am - Oh boy! A car ride! My Favorite!
9:40 am - Oh boy! A walk! My Favorite!
10:30 am - Oh boy! A car ride! My Favorite!
11:30 am - Oh boy! Dog Food! My Favorite!
12:00 noon - Oh boy! The kids! My Favorite!
1:00 pm - Oh boy! The yard! My Favorite!
1:30 pm - Ooooooo. Bath. Bummer.
4:00 pm - Oh boy! The kids! My Favorite!
5:00 PM - Oh boy! Dog Food! My Favorite!
5:30 PM - Oh boy! Dad! My Favorite!

* * *


DAY 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.

DAY 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair...must try this on their bed.

DAY 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was...Hmmm. Not working according to plan.

DAY 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time, however, it included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds could invent such a liquid? My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth. Well, that and the fact that the dog was the next victim after me.

DAY 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call "beer". More importantly, I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.

DAY 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has got to be an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time...


Everything I Know I Learnt From my Cat!

It's ok to wear the same things everyday.
Sleeping is very underrated, ... as is stretching.
Never crack your knuckles.
Grooming requires a serious time commitment.
Remember to wash behind your ears, in between your toes and under your arms.
Keep your nails trimmed and hair clean.
Pee without getting any on your feet.
Eat when you're hungry, when you're not hungry, play with your food.
If you don't see it, ask for it.
Counters are the best place to sit in a kitchen.
Show some discretion.
Don't burp in public.
Have no qualms about sharing a plate of food, or eating leftovers.
Drink milk.
Try not to obsess about cholesterol.
Be hard to leave.
Notice squirrels, investigate shadows, and chase butterflies.
Make your own hours.
Shred all documents.
Money is only paper.
Be curious.
Get to know people in high places, somehow.
Don't be afraid to take chances.
Take a moment to recover your dignity, but don't dwell on the past too much.
Don't always come when you are called.
Try new things.
Take time to eat some flowers.
Stare unabashedly.
Test limits.
Be tolerant, but not overly accommodating.
Get mad when you are stepped on.
Forget that you were stepped on.
Know all the sunny places.
Sometimes you can't explain your actions.
Sometimes you can't explain yourself.
Have a sneeze that is the envy of others.
Make yourself vulnerable, but don't be afraid to bite the hand that feeds you.
Challenge yourself.
Share your victories.
Exercise daily.
Go barefoot.
Obey your instincts.
Claim your own chair.
Flaunt your hair loss.
Vary your hangouts.
Make the world your playground.
Recognize the toy in everything.
Make the most of unstructured time.
There is always time for a nap.
Be easy to come home to.
Show affection and contentment.
Everyone is entitled to an occasional mood swing.
The faster you run upstairs, the more likely you are to forget why you went up there in the first place.
There is nothing wrong with changing your mind.
Love unconditionally.
Avoid company you do not like.
Accept that all company may not like you.
Depend on others without losing your independence.
Enjoy your own company.
Be a good listener.
Invite yourself to dinner.
Don't drool.
Scratch when and where it itches.
Get used to silences.
Be entertaining, strike poses, wiggle your ears.
Jump right into the middle of things.
Just because you're home, you don't have to answer the phone.
Ask for attention.
Feel no guilt.
Use negative attention getting tactics only as a last resort.
Ignore television.
Yawn like you really mean it.
Find a good lap to curl up in.
Be soft.
Be cool.
Be mysterious.
Be able to make someone feel better just by being there.
Make people wonder what you do at night.
Be good at finding things in the dark.
Have a warm bed.
Be loved.


realitybites said:
Ha ha. Love those diaries--proof that cats ARE far more clever than dogs. :D

i always loved cats. surrounded by three as i write. one of them is much too smart.



The Monk & His Cat Pangur

Written in the margins of an illuminated manuscript at the Abbey of St. Paul at Reichenau, Corinthia. The poem inspired a book telling of the adventures of the cat Pangur Ban who finally ends his travels at Cashel Castle in Eire, keeping it rodent-free and where he was greatly loved. Pangur Ban is Gaelic for "white Pangur" or "little white cat."

I and my white Pangur
have each his special art:
His mind is set on hunting mice,
mine is upon my special craft.

I love to rest - better than any fame!
With close study at my little book;
White Pangur does not envy me:
He loves his childish play.

When in our house we two are all alone...
A tale without tedium.
We have - sport never-ending!
Something to exercise our wit.

At times by feats of derring-do
a mouse sticks in his net,
while into my net there drops
a difficult problem of hard meaning.

He points his full shining eye
against the fence of the wall:
I point my clear though feeble eye
against the keenness of science.

He rejoices with quick leaps
when in his sharp claw sticks a mouse;
I, too, rejoice when I have grasped
a problem difficult and dearly loved.

Though we are thus at all time,
neither hinders the other,
each of us pleased with his own art
amuses himself alone.

He is master of the work
which every day he does:
While I am at my own work
to bring difficulty to clearness.

Eighth Century Irish Monk


The Catropolitan Opera

The Magic Flute
Act 11
The vengeful Queen of the night gives her daughter a dagger, and orders her to kill the high priest, Sarastro.

It is a cat opera tradition that the Queen of the Night is played by a white persian. Near the end of her career, Francesca Fischio dyed herself white to get the part.To make her coat appear fuller she was bathed and blown dry each evening. Her voice by then was harsh and limited, her figure bloated, yet she was still a commanding and vivid prescence.

Eugene Onegin
Act 11
At a party Eugene Onegin deliberatly provokes his friend Lensky by flirting outrageously with Lensky's beloved Olga. Lensky challenges Onegin to a dual, and Onegin kills him.

As you can see, when cats stand back to back and upright, their tails tend to wind about their legs. One evening when Onegin played by the great Russian Tenor Nikolai Goddakatskan, whirled to fire his pistol, he discovered that Lensky had tripped over his tail before taking a single step. It seemed rather ungentlemanly to shoot Lensky as he lay on the ground, but Goddakatscan had no choice.

Act 11
To save the life of her beloved Cavaradossi, Tosca has agreed to spend the night with Scarpia, the chief of police. Once the order of release is signed, Tosca stabs the evil Scarpia to death.

Here is Catherine Kittle, who didn't limit her knifework to the stage. Although the story has been hushed up, she did in fact stab Leo Angorotti in her dressing room. The cause of the dispute has never been revealed, but she was heard to scream, "The little cat, doesn't know where it's at."

Madame Butterfly
Act 11
Although Pinkerton has been away for three years, Cio-Cio San still believes that he will return. Her mais Suzuki, has her doubts.



Shakespeare Cats

Romeo and Juliet
Act V scene 111
Having taking friar Lawrence's potion to make her appear to be dead, Juliet is placed in the family vault. Unfortunately, Romeo thinks she really is dead and takes poison. When Juliet wakes and discovers his body, she stabs herself. Devastated by the loss of their children, the Montagues and the Capulets bury their enmity.

Aglooming peace this morning with it brings,

The sun for sorrow will not show his head,

Go hence, to have more talk of these sad things,

Some shall be pardoned, and some punished;

For never was a story of more woe,

Than this of Juliet and her Romeo.

King Lear
Act 111 scene 11
Disillusioned by the churlish behaviour of his two selfish daughters, Regan and Goneril, King Lear accompanied by his faithful fool, rages at the gathering storm.

Blow winds, and crack your cheeks;

rage, blow.

Act V scene 11
Desdemona protests her innocence and begs Othello to spare her life.

Kill me tomorrow, let me live tonight.

Act 11 scene 11
After murdering Duncan, Macbeth has distractedly brought away the daggers with him. Appalled at what he has done, he cannot bring himself to put the daggers back; but Lady Macbeth, made of sterner stuff, takes over.

Infirm of purpose!

Give me the daggers. The sleeping and the dead, are but as pictures;

Tis the eye of childhood, that fears a painted devil.​


Richard 111
Act 1 scene 1
Richard Duke of Gloucester conceals the fact that he is plotting to remove all obstacles that stand between himself and the crown of England.

Now is the winter of our discontent

Made glorious summer by this son of York;

And all the clouds that lour'd upon our house

In the deep bosom of the ocean buried.​


Pre-Raphaelite Cats

Veronica Veronte

(after Dante Gabriel Rossetti)

The Light of the World

(after William Holman Hunt)

"Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man

hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to

him, and will sup with him, and he with me"

(Revelations, 111,20)

Princes in the Tower

(after Sir John Everett Millais)

After the death of their father King Edward 1V,

Edward, Prince of Wales, and his younger

brother Richard, Duke of York, are imprisoned

by their uncle in the tower.


(after Sir John Everett Millais)

Having lost her dowry in a shipwreck, Mariana

is abandoned by her lover Angelo and spends

the next five years in a moated grange.

(Shakespeare, Measure for measure, and Tennyson,Mariana)​


Impressionist Cats


Pierre-Auguste Renoir

The Boating Party 1880-1


Edward Manet

Nana 1877


Pierre Auguste Renoir

Madame Charpentier and her Children


Claude Monet

Wild Poppies 1873
cats cats rule kitties meow neow nyan-nyan purr pussies galore
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