uhhh hehehe. well... you already know about one NRITH. :l
well... I suppose I cannot tell anything that involves those I have been intimate with, as that would not be fair or beautiful... so I will tell you about the dreams.
When I was in India last, I became sort of "ill" I suppose. I found, suddenly that I was quite tired... in fact so tired that i could not even get up out of bed. But I was not able to sleep either. Instead, for 5 days I had lucid dreams... sort of filmstrips... watching as I lay there in bed incapable of movement. I had a fever as well. Everything that I heard in the "filmstrips" - everything audio that is, was in rhyme... it all rhymed and even if I spoke aloud, it rhymed - despite me!
So I lay there and see this very vivid lucid dream:
I am by the river holding hands with a small child... a boy. But this child needs no guidance or anything of the sort, because he is wise and "old" in a way - deep and old eyes shining in this young boy.
So the child and I are peering into the black depths of the water. Suddenly a golden fish - an ancient and magical fish emerges and comes up halfway out of the water... and smiles at us.
So I write a poem about this and keep it, I even send it to two people whom I love and have learned a great deal from in life... mentors of sorts...
This fever and tiredness lasts for about 5 days. On the 5th day my father sends me word that he is back from his vacation home early because he has been diagnosed with cancer and he will be in NY all winter.
Then one thing leads to another and many many changes happen in my life all at once... my job is finished, my connection with a man whom I am intimately involved with (in many ways including physically) ends abruptly and I am leaving India.
A few months pass and I am back in NY spending some much needed time with my dad and my family, getting to know my brand new nephew... settling a bit for the first time in many years, and obviously getting my head together as lucid dreams and rhyme is actually kind of scary and frightening and confusing...
So all is well and I am in my safe and simple life and things are starting to settle and I am getting more into photo and I have stopped doing things I was always told I should do or that were easy and just machinelike work... and I begin as a pro photographer... start doing that from scratch.
So everything in my life has changed and the dream and madness that visited for 5 days is gone.
Then I am out with my nephew... and we are in the yard one day when everybody was over at my folks place... and we go by the water and we are looking at the coy in the water... and I snap a photograph. There is the child, the black water, the golden fish, and a statue of buddha sitting there on the edge of the water.
A few days later I am at the gym and suddenly something strikes me and I almost fall to my knees. I get my keys and I immediately go to my computer and look at the pics I took. I went there almost on autopilot as if another force altogether was pushing me. And I open up that picture and then I open up the poem I sent to myself - the one I wrote before I ever saw the pond where the coy live (I was traveling a long time) before I ever even met my nephew, in fact he was an infant when I wrote that poem and I was in India when he was born... and well... there is also a buddha in the pic as well.
And somehow that freaked me out. The whole thing. And it changed everything about the way I view myself and trust myself and my own feeling. I used to doubt myself so incredibly... but my body, my feeling, my faith in myself... even my success and faith in what I do for a living... everything took a huge shift at when the poem and pic came together... and I thoroughly know that I saw the future.
At that moment I realized that time and space are not a horizontal thing - that they are vertical and if you travel deeply into one moment - you can actually transcend time and space and see the future.
It so happened that when I got the fever and saw those things, my father was on the hospital table having surgery and radiation... and I was not aware of it at the time. So perhaps it was just an accident as I believe we are connected and those things can affect me in strange ways... when my mom gets sick I know... when she collapsed once I got sick and called within 5 minutes... I actually left work and went outside to have a smoke and call her... and I had no idea what had happened.
you know - intuition. Well anyway my dad did recover and he is in remission. And I really really had to come home and get to know my family again. I am super glad I did. But that was pretty magical... and I somehow feel I became available to it through mediation and what I learned in india somehow.
Anyways maybe it sounds retarded and dumb... but it was very odd for me... and it was very special and also scary... and I can't really go telling everybody about that - esp not my fam or many of my friends... and certainly not on line at the grocery store or anything like that.
gosh I feel a bit dumb posting this after I heard about straight toes and whatnot.
