wow, lots of old people there. there were more young people at the vancouver show, at least near me. other girls alone too, like me. maybe we just all converged on neil's side. i remember there was this young girl behind me who kept bumping into me and brushing me with her arms, and every time i looked back at her as if to say "yo, mind my space please" she smiled enthusiastically at me like we were at a concert or something, rather than a once in a lifetime chance event to ogle neil. i felt so threatened at every moment that someone was going to push in front of me and ruin my view. so when the crowd pushed the girl forward, i elbowed her good, not in any way that could be mistaken for unintentional. i feel bad about that now. she was pretty and excited to be there and a fellow suede fan. she's the type of person i probably would've liked, but i just felt so threatened that my view of neil would be blacked out forever, like the sun going down never to rise again, that i couldnt help it. NOBODY was coming between me an' neil.
also, neil is cute as hell, but gosh he looks old. sort of like his face is caving in. i've decided i must give up neil, even though i dont want to, simply because i dont want to live in london at all, let alone just so that i can walk past his house every day. the idea of living in london without money depresses the hell out of me, frankly, and if im going to go to any great effort to change my life at all it would be to move to vancouver, not some place where i cant imagine anyone could ever possibly be happy. sorry neil. i still love you though!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!