Settling for less?

[mauve21]

Hey, just wondering what you guys think about this:-


Being with someone who's boring or being alone.
Which would you choose?

 

[sistasheila]

yeah i wonder that very often too how much people are open to tolerate being mistreated so they dont have to live alone..whats wrong living alone compared to a RL?

recently my neighbours were having a huge fight.i have a very thin walls as its an old building -i hear neighbours tv running, phone vibratings,lovemaking noises,
i was witnessing their fight recently which went like this :in german of course). he:"im a drugaddict, im unemployed , i cheat on you -why are a you still with me?" she"because i love you!"
wel every person is different, even though you yourself never want to settle for the booty call/mistreat situation like your friend/ for this or like for the situation your friend is in.in the end:its their desicion...friends can talk about it, give advise but in the end its their life how they want to pursue it...
edit: oh your friend story has disappeared...

 

[dunya]

Don't settle for less.
A mate of mine has settled for a loser because she doesn't want to be alone. And she's missing out on those who would treat her better and make her happier.

 

[Brel]

Hey, just wondering what you guys think about this:-


Being with someone who's boring or being alone.
Which would you choose?

What if you are so boring that you can't spend too much time alone with only yourself for company?

 

[MyDoppelganger]

I'd rather be alone. I don't know how anybody could possibly want to settle for someone of whom they think is boring and of whom adds nothing to his/her life. How much would you have to hate yourself to do that? I mean, I'm not the most self-loving individual, but I think I'd rather pop a cap in my own ass than settle for a bottom feeder.

My last "relationship" went toe up because she claimed she liked assholes, and I was such a "nice guy". I thought it was a load of shit, until I found out her current boyfriend is a total cultureless and idiotic f***tard. Her previous boyfriend was also a drug addict. Maybe she wasn't just being trite.

I don't know. I've never understood the notion of settling for anything but the best; whether that's in people, music, literature, etc etc. What's the point?

 

[billy scissors]

Hey, just wondering what you guys think about this:-


Being with someone who's boring or being alone.
Which would you choose?

depends how rich they are

 

[Black Cloud]

What if you are so boring that you can't spend too much time alone with only yourself for company?

That's why God made drugs.

 

[bored]

There is nothing wrong with being alone. People that get in relationships because they don't like being alone are people who need external validation and don't have any way to realize their own self-worth. People who internally validate themselves not only don't mind being alone, they tend to end up with people anyway because their confidence shows and is a very attractive trait.


Dopple:
Girls don't want nice guys. They say they do but what they mean is they want a guy who is nice at times but other times is challenging her. No girl wants to get flowers every day and get text messages every hour. That's not nice. That's needy and clingy and it creates an abundance rather than scarcity.

Let me give you a good example on abundance versus scarcity.

If you hadn't eaten in three days and someone walked by with a bunch of food you like.. a steak or pasta or fruit salad.. you are starving and if you get that food you will think it was the greatest meal ever even if it came from a completely shit restaurant.

Now, if you had just ate a massive meal of your favourite foods and someone walked by with that same tray of food from before you wouldn't have any interest in it.

Being nice loses it's value if it's done in a way that creates too much abundance. Nice is also a very subjective term. Whatever it is that anyone likes in a relationship it is more powerful if we feel like we worked for it and we don't know when we are going to get it as opposed to knowing we had an endless supply.

You don't have to be an asshole to not be a pussy.

 

[Spinster]

Hey, just wondering what you guys think about this:-


Being with someone who's boring or being alone.
Which would you choose?

Alone.

Don't waste another person's precious time. And, especially, don't waste YOUR precious time.

Settling is a bad deal for all involved.

 

[mauve21]

yeah i wonder that very often too how much people are open to tolerate being mistreated so they dont have to live alone..whats wrong living alone compared to a RL?

recently my neighbours were having a huge fight.i have a very thin walls as its an old building -i hear neighbours tv running, phone vibratings,lovemaking noises,
i was witnessing their fight recently which went like this :in german of course). he:"im a drugaddict, im unemployed , i cheat on you -why are a you still with me?" she"because i love you!"
wel every person is different, even though you yourself never want to settle for the booty call/mistreat situation like your friend/ for this or like for the situation your friend is in.in the end:its their desicion...friends can talk about it, give advise but in the end its their life how they want to pursue it...
edit: oh your friend story has disappeared...

Yeah, I so relate. Sounds like when I was married, except he didn't cheat. He just used drugs. I think a woman letting herself be a doormat is a waste of a life and it's pretty sad that women are prepared to stay in these situations for fear of loneliness. And yes, I did edit the whole story I wrote because of privacy reasons.

 

[mauve21]

And I just want to say thankyou to you guys actually replying to my post.
I got an anonymous bitchy comment to my comment about Johnny Marr on the front page. I was only joking.
Some people really are so anal retentive....it's bizarre

 

[Scarlet Ibis]

Girls don't want nice guys. They say they do but what they mean is they want a guy who is nice at times but other times is challenging her. No girl wants to get flowers every day and get text messages every hour. That's not nice. That's needy and clingy and it creates an abundance rather than scarcity.

Let me give you a good example on abundance versus scarcity.

If you hadn't eaten in three days and someone walked by with a bunch of food you like.. a steak or pasta or fruit salad.. you are starving and if you get that food you will think it was the greatest meal ever even if it came from a completely shit restaurant.

Now, if you had just ate a massive meal of your favourite foods and someone walked by with that same tray of food from before you wouldn't have any interest in it.

Being nice loses it's value if it's done in a way that creates too much abundance. Nice is also a very subjective term. Whatever it is that anyone likes in a relationship it is more powerful if we feel like we worked for it and we don't know when we are going to get it as opposed to knowing we had an endless supply.

You don't have to be an asshole to not be a pussy.

This is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. If you live your life this way, bored, then you'll get what you deserve.




Nobody should settle for anyone who isn't fantastic in most ways, nor for anyone who isn't "nice" most of the time. Everyone has their bad moods, but if you're not kind, tuned in, and loving most of the time, then why be in a relationship at all? Just go be alone rather than ruining someone's life.

I'd never settle. I'd much rather be alone than with some boring guy who doesn't add anything positive to my life.

 

[troubleluvsme]

There is nothing wrong with being alone. People that get in relationships because they don't like being alone are people who need external validation and don't have any way to realize their own self-worth. People who internally validate themselves not only don't mind being alone, they tend to end up with people anyway because their confidence shows and is a very attractive trait.


Dopple:
Girls don't want nice guys. They say they do but what they mean is they want a guy who is nice at times but other times is challenging her. No girl wants to get flowers every day and get text messages every hour. That's not nice. That's needy and clingy and it creates an abundance rather than scarcity.

Let me give you a good example on abundance versus scarcity.

If you hadn't eaten in three days and someone walked by with a bunch of food you like.. a steak or pasta or fruit salad.. you are starving and if you get that food you will think it was the greatest meal ever even if it came from a completely shit restaurant.

Now, if you had just ate a massive meal of your favourite foods and someone walked by with that same tray of food from before you wouldn't have any interest in it.

Being nice loses it's value if it's done in a way that creates too much abundance. Nice is also a very subjective term. Whatever it is that anyone likes in a relationship it is more powerful if we feel like we worked for it and we don't know when we are going to get it as opposed to knowing we had an endless supply.

You don't have to be an asshole to not be a pussy.

Once again, I completely agree with you.
I hate clingy and needy men....
For me, there are limits; too many emails, text messages, flowers, etc...is the fastest relationship-ender ever.

 

[MyDoppelganger]

Did you think she was 'the best' at the time?

At the time, I certainly did. She's an incredibly smart, profound and interesting person. I just think she has a lot of shit to work out.

Also, I wasn't clingy - I just refused to treat her like shit, like so many other guys had done before.

Oh well. I'm not particularly bothered anymore. That was a while ago.

 

[TheReader]

Alone.

Which is why I'm nearly always alone.

I have great friends though, and enjoy my life most of the time Why ruin that by dating (or God Forbid marrying) someone who is crap?

 

[Will_Never_Marry]

You should never settle for less.

If you do then they'll drag you down with them.

 

[Hellie]

Hey, just wondering what you guys think about this:-


Being with someone who's boring or being alone.
Which would you choose?

Yeah if he paid the bills...just get someone exciting on the side.

everyone's a winner

 

[someofusisturningnasty]

Alone.

I tried settling for Mr Nice Guy but unfortunately he was too boring. He would have done absolutely anything for me but it wasn't enough.

I tended to go for the bastards (alcoholic/drug addict/awaiting trial) so that's why I've decided to be alone, until I can stop this pattern of behaviour I'm not arsed with "dating" either as it's too much effort.

I'd say never settle for anything less than what you want. If it's mediocre to begin with, imagine how things will be 10, 20 years time...

 

[Happy Maudlin]

There is nothing wrong with being alone. People that get in relationships because they don't like being alone are people who need external validation and don't have any way to realize their own self-worth. People who internally validate themselves not only don't mind being alone, they tend to end up with people anyway because their confidence shows and is a very attractive trait.

Agreed...

Girls don't want nice guys. They say they do but what they mean is they want a guy who is nice at times but other times is challenging her. No girl wants to get flowers every day and get text messages every hour. That's not nice. That's needy and clingy and it creates an abundance rather than scarcity.

Very true. Women always have a hand in creating the men they hate. They send mixed signals all the time, yet expect men to read their thoughts. Most women like the idea of sentimentality but when its presented in abundance like you said they don't appreciated. But if someone treats them like garbage, they then desire the romanticism present in the previous situation. The key is the balance of the two, but some women are never satisfied. Its a cluster-f*** of a situation.

 

[Happy Maudlin]

To answer the question I'd rather be by myself than with someone who does not interest me. But societal pressures can come into play later on in life, and my independent attitude may change. I seen women around settle for less for fear of being alone.