Rifke interviews....

Discussion in 'Off-topic' started by rifke, Nov 16, 2019.

  1. rifke

    rifke queen of the universe

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    VIVA HATE!!! yes i know it's been done before, but not by me

    **********************************************************************
    1. why are you so bloody obnoxious?
    I'm afraid its because a good old fashioned sense of superiority. You see, I know I'm better than all of you so I don't have to pretend to be pleasant or pretend I'm interested in what anyone has to say. I can act exactly how I want when I want. Unlike the rest of you, I require no validation so I don't have to play by your rules just to be thrown an affirmation.

    2. how great is rifke?
    Oh, Rifke is very great. The great-est. She is endlessly entertaining and always finds a way to put a smile on my face. I find her wholly fascinating and endearing. She's my favorite member and if I'm being totally honest with myself, I have a massive crush on her.

    3. so you're keeping your schlong?
    Of course. It would be such a disservice to the world to have a thing of such beauty and skill cut down in the prime of it's life. In many ways, my schlong is much like James Dean. It hangs East of Eden, it is a Rebel Without A Cause, and it most certainly is Giant.

    4. would you say it's the sweatiest part of your body?
    I would say that honor belongs to my testicles. I rarely sweat, though.

    5. what do you think of stalin?
    A very distinguished gentleman. I like his style. Very nice head of hair and uniforms to die for. The millions of his own countrymen he killed surely had it coming.

    6. what do you think of oprah?
    I find Oprah to be one of the most annoying and sickening human beings. I can't stand her face, her voice, or the people that find value in her.

    7. have you ever gone to jail?
    I have not but I often think about how exciting it would be! Sometimes I wonder which gang would make me their bitch.

    8. is james holzhauer everything you wish you could be?
    I had to look up who that was. I haven't watched Jeopardy since hearing about Trebek's cancer. It hurts me to see him knowing he's dying. But no, I do not wish I could be him. The last person I saw that I wished I could be was some random girl on Instagram. I don't even remember her name.

    9. how do you make your dollahs?
    I'm a sex worker. I do cam shows and on occasion escort.

    10. if you had to club one of the following to death, which would you choose:
    a) a baby
    b) an old lady
    c) a seal

    An old lady. I don't like old people or babies but I'd feel more comfortable clubbing an adult to death.

    11. do you dress up as a broad every day of the week?
    Not at all. It is actually very rare for me to do full makeup. I usually do put on my blonde hair and lip stain every day though. I don't go around wearing dresses or high heels if that is what you think. I usually just wear a t-shirt, cardigan and tights.

    12. how many times a week do you cry into your dinner?
    Zero. I don't cry unless I'm trying to manipulate someone into feeling guilty.

    13. what's your favourite sport?
    Pussy slaying.

    14. favourite scent?
    I enjoy lavender most, I think. Cinnamon, strawberries, butterscotch, and burning wood are all favorites too.

    15. favourite flower?
    I don't give a shit about flowers.

    16. do you ever feel gypped that you weren't born a female or were you happy living up until now as a male?
    Of course. Not being born one makes my options extremely limited if I plan to enter a relationship. I feel very put off that I'm basically a fetish to interested parties. But I was happy before and I'm happy now.

    17. springtime in paris or new years eve in times square?
    Springtime in Paris because it is Spring and Paris. A beautiful time of the year and a beautiful city in a beautiful country. I'm not sure why you think I'd enjoy hanging out with a bunch of shitty people in a shitty place in a shitty city during a shitty time of the year.

    18. are you jealous that rifke is queen of the universe and you're not?
    Not at all. Rifke is the queen of my universe. I worship her. Kneel at her feet. Clutch her thigh with all my being while she stands stoic and triumphant on a mountain top.

    ********************************************************************************

    who wants me to interview them next?! I ONLY ask FUN questions!!! I dont even have to like you (in fact, it's so much the better if i dont!) so dont worry about that!!
     
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  2. !Viva Hate!

    !Viva Hate! the face that runs the place

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    Lol. No one is going to read this.
     
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  3. Anonymous

    Anonymous Guest

    Two psychopaths in perfect harmony and now all we need is for Lanterns the psychopath to join the cult.
     
  4. rifke

    rifke queen of the universe

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    why the hell not?! it's not like these losers have anything better to do!
     
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  5. rifke

    rifke queen of the universe

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    @The Truth what do you say to an interview, c-girl?! you like to talk about yourself and I have some GREAT---fun, hard hitting, and most of all PROFESSIONAL--questions that i cant wait to hear your answers to! c'mon, baby! it's your time to shine!!
     
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  6. plopstar

    plopstar I am not a robot

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    Yay! This is what we want!

    Top interview. Highly recommend. 9.5:alien:/10:alien:. (I wanted to put a star rating, but there isn't a star emoji so I had to award it in aliens.)
     
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  7. a Untruth interview would blow up the forum bandwith.:straightface:
     
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  8. rifke

    rifke queen of the universe

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    He coined the hashtag "davesplaining" which has taken the internet by storm--NOW he's sitting down with solo's very own RIFKE. Join us for the explosive up close interview you can only get here. BHOPS: THE MAN BEHIND THE MYTH.

    *********


    1. how do you pronounce your name and what does it mean?
    Bee-hops, and much like the rest of my life it is essentially meaningless.

    2. other than your name is there anything at all interesting about you? if so, what?
    I didn’t know my name was interesting. No, there is nothing else interesting about me at all. If you saw me on the street you’d walk right through me.


    3. have you ever tried to box a kangaroo?
    I’m only prepared to fight a kangaroo if they submit to Olympic style drug testing. Unfortunately, there hasn’t been a kangaroo take me up on the offer, which makes me suspicious.


    4. what is your favourite time of day?
    3 am when it’s dark outside and the city is mostly quiet and I’m left with my own thoughts and as the lyrics to song go, ‘I think about life and I think about death,’ (simultaneously.)


    5. favourite food?
    Potatoes, in any form. It’s my Irish lineage.


    6. favourite colour?
    Yellow, which is partly why my favourite animal is a giraffe, with their tiny goofy head and long thick Mike Tyson-like neck, barrel chested with spindly legs. They look like something Picasso invented doing his cubism period, ......................I'm rambling now aren't I???????


    7. are you hoping ill ask you something about your schlong?
    What is a ‘schlong?’ It sounds like a German prog rock band.


    8. exactly how much do you have in your bank account right now?
    Why? Are you about to make me an indecent proposal?


    9. how do you make your dollahs?
    By standing outside public toilets in dubious parts of Auckland doing my best Jon Voight impersonation


    10. living in new Zealand are you surrounded by women who look like bob ross?
    No, BUT we are surrounded by a lot of sheep who look like Bob Ross, which is……………..confusing.


    11. what is the most traumatic thing that ever happened to you?
    Opening up my DM’s to find YOU there.


    12. from the following choices, choose the one that best describes you:
    a) stud
    b) dud
    c) bud
    A dud bud who will never be a stud.


    13. if you had to club one of the following to death which would you choose:
    a) your mother
    b) your girlfriend
    c) scanty bits
    d) reality bites
    As I adore all of the nominees above I’d do the honourable thing and beat myself to death with the club. I imagine it would be a relief to a lot of people. [note from Rifke: he clearly didn't understand the question :rolleyes:]


    14. what's the most expensive item of clothing you've ever bought?
    At one point in my life I purchased an Armani suit and at one time a Gucci suit. I can’t remember which was the more expensive. But what I’m really hanging out for are some Chanel Crocs.


    15. which character from archie comics do you most identify with?
    Veronica Lake, because I’m a high maintenance bimbo. [note from Rifke: he means 'Lodge' not 'Lake' :rolleyes:]


    16. how many times a week do you cry into your dinner?
    I never make it past afternoon tea before dissolving into a flood of tears


    17. have you ever gone to jail?
    I have been arrested once and thrown in the slammer only for the charges to mysteriously disappear after been given bail. But let me tell you, a cavity search at midnight isn’t as fun as it’s cracked up to be.


    18. favourite vacation spot
    The Intercontinental at Bora Bora, however my credit card was crying like a baby within minutes of arrival. My spiritual home is in Fiji, over in Levuka, drinking kava with the locals. They call me ‘White Ghost’ and by all accounts Bear Grylls, who was over recently couldn’t handle the kava as manfully as I can. I will now die a happy man. [note from Rifke: huh?]


    19. dreamiest suede boy?

    Buster Poindexter for the win! [note from Rifke: if you mean neil, just bloody say neil:rolleyes: ]

    ********************************************************

    Big thanks to Beehops!

    Okay! Who wants to go next?!
     
  9. Anonymous

    Anonymous Guest

    I say his nickname in one go, Bhops

    Not beehops.

    Sounds like a famous black trombone dude from the glory years of jazz.

    "Take it away Bhops".
     
  10. bhops

    bhops Last of the famous international screw ups.

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    Yah, Lodge not Lake, and to think I was just watching Riverdale soaking up those Luke Perry vibes.
     
  11. Anonymous

    Anonymous Guest

    How much do you love the guy?

    Such a crush on him and I understand why cause he is easily the most handsome man on this board cause 12 Slack does not count.

    LOL

    You're making yourself preggers with him. 9 months of eating wine gums awaits.
     
  12. Anonymous

    Anonymous Guest

    I'd go looking for rings if I was you. No idea how the visa thing works in NZ but you need more than 90 days to get to know that weirdo.
     
  13. Anonymous

    Anonymous Guest

    Her interview with me Urbanus will either not happen or be a terrible read. She'll use a chainsaw on my ankles.
     
  14. Anonymous

    Anonymous Guest

    Rifke is so ready to open that previously closed shop down in NZ. I see before me a slightly pinkish ring that should go well with her personality.
    It is hard for her to accept her obsession for Bhops and it has destroyed all her plans and given her sleepless nights and the eating of wine gum is of course all to do with the butterflies in her stomach.
    She just chose London cause Bhops has been there and mentioned it a lot. This is when Bhops as a man is supposed to get the hint and go there too.
    Women have been waiting on slow men since the dawn of time.
     
  15. rifke

    rifke queen of the universe

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  16. rifke

    rifke queen of the universe

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    you don't have an account
     
  17. Anonymous

    Anonymous Guest

    What difference does it make?
     
  18. rifke

    rifke queen of the universe

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    i would need to pm you the questions. Im not posting them without your answers, you'll mess up the posting of it.
     
  19. Anonymous

    Anonymous Guest

    LOL

    I thought this was all in your head interviews!
     
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  20. Anonymous

    Anonymous Guest

    Had no idea you were in deep contact like that so wow this love thing is more real than I thought.

    LOL
     
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