Do you love me, more than you need me? I hope so.
Back in about half an hour. Going to have a bath.
That's okay LHMy reading skills are dormant right now, because I've got something on my mind that is rousing my adrenaline.
Yeah. He was/is writing a book and is looking to boost sales, it's grim.As soon as I heard him speak in an interview on this I could smell the bullshit.
Sorry to hear about your friend who died in a nursing home. Even if these deaths are not a surprise, they can often affect those who have to deal with the loss for years, sometimes for the rest of their life.There seems to be a worldwide quitting epidemic (which sadly doesn't seem to affect Jesse T.).
I had been on leave without pay for 3 years when I decided to return to my old job. I had taken some time off to take care of someone, but it became too difficult and exhausting so he went to a nursing home and of course after a couple of months there he died ( no surprise there, just sadness at the inevitable. )
I had no intention of quitting but felt a certain lack of enthusiasm about returning to the old job,. But I was pleased they'd put me in a big city by the sea, I thought I might enjoy the place more than the previous city I was in.
Well. I spent the whole summer looking for accomodation and never found one: all the landlords save their flats for students from September to May then rent them to tourists at maximum price as soon as the tourist season begins.
I waited until the last minute, and finally handed my notice on the day I was supposed to start my new job (I like flamboyant gestures).
So now I have no job but I don't really give a f. because enough is enough really, you know? Who said life had to be a constant struggle?
So yeah I understand how you feel.
Millenials are expert at quitting I hear.
I suppose I have to start making videos on tik tok to earn money now.
Oh, and also, at one point the government talked about making it easier to leave, with rights to unemployment benefits but of course it was b.shit so it was a clean break without anything to fall back on.
Chorlton cum Hardy eh? Lol.Sorry to hear about your friend who died in a nursing home. Even if these deaths are not a surprise, they can often affect those who have to deal with the loss for years, sometimes for the rest of their life.
I am surprised that you couldn't find a place to live in the new city. Not even a room in a shared house or appartment? Just for the time being?
But your story reminds me of my time in Manchester, where i worked for a year in the late 20th century. Got the job, but had nowhere to go. Took me a week to find a miniature room in Chorlton-cum-Hardy. In the meantime, which was totally stressful, I simply couldn't waste any thought on my new employer, and i was 4 days late when i eventually started the job. Months later i learned that there was a list of addresses with accomodation offers for the newbies, but somehow nobody had sent it to me, and nobody apologized for not having done so.
Anyways, back then i was still young. Nowadays, i would quit the job quietly immediately, and then look for alternatives. Too much b.shit going on in a system that doesn't care whether you live or die. They only need you to maintain a facade of a well-functioning operation, and as a doormat for the clients to piss on, and for the bosses to hide behind comfortably.
Looking forward to your tiktok videos!
NEW POLL COMING UP!
Over the past few days I've been making a list of one song I like for each year from 1922-2022. I was getting close to completion with 98 of the years filled, but yesterday I removed 'Disconnection Notice' by Sonic Youth from my list (for the year 2002) after listening to it for the first time in years and noticing the HORRIBLE feedback sound that goes on for over a minute in the second half of the song (from 3:50 to 5:05). It's just ugly; thrash metal is easier to listen to. I used to enjoy Sonic Youth and 'loved' that song on my old last.fm account way back in 2009, but for some reason I had no recollection of its high-pitched guitar feedback section and my ears can't handle that anymore.
Sonic Youth was an important gateway band for me and helped me to get into more experimental music but these days I'd struggle to name more than a handful of their songs that I'd want to listen to. The lack of strong melodies and the monotone singing/the fact that they had three singers and none of them could sing is what bothers me the most about them now. I used to see people referring to them as "guitar virtuosos" but a couple of years ago I played my 'Goo', 'Dirty', and 'EVOL' cds and realised they can't even be called that. 'Mote' from Goo is the only one of their songs I can definitely say I still like (it ends with 4 minutes of guitar feedback but this is "good" feedback, not the high pitched tone from 'Disconnection Notice' which I suppose was meant to represent the sound of something 'disconnecting'); I can whittle down most of the bands I listened to as a teenager to one or two songs --- for The Smashing Pumpkins, who I listened to constantly between 2006-2008, just play me 'The Everlasting Gaze' and I don't really need to hear anything else by them now. At a push I'll listen to one or two others from them but that one song is more than enough; I listen to it a couple of times every six months. If I'm feeling especially nostalgic I'll listen to 'Mouths of Babes' as well, mostly to hear the "be young forever" part starting at 2:00 which I stole for one of my own songs circa 2007 because when it came to making music I never had an original idea.
Speaking of which: listening to Sonic Youth gave me so many bad habits as a guitarist. Because of their influence (around 2009-2010) I had the notion that there was beauty in standing next to the switched on amplifier with my guitar and letting the feedback ring out around the room. Instead of focusing on melodies and constructing proper songs I would detune my guitar and see if I could come up with any 'weird' riffs. And then if I had a song idea which I thought was too conventional I would add dissonant sounds to the recording as if that was somehow going to improve it. I remember sending one of those song ideas with the dissonant sounds to someone back then and the response I got was "Why would you do that? That's just jarring.". (I still have those recordings saved on my iPod which I haven't updated since 2009, so if I can find it later I'll record the 'jarring' guitar parts from the iPod onto my phone and upload it to vocaroo to show what I'm talking about.)
So yeah thanks Sonic Youth for being such a top notch influence for young guitarists, who doesn't love melody free noise rock in this day and age? (I'm lucky enough to live next door to a 19 year old bass player who sometimes brings over a guitarist friend to play music with and I've noticed when the guitarist doesn't know what to play next he does the confusion is sex/tuneless-dissonance-is-legitimate-music string scraping and neck bending and I'm so grateful to be subjected to it through the wall .) With that being said my tinnitus started in 2016 while I was listening to David Bowie so I can't blame Sonic Youth too much, although I certainly didn't appreciate the one minute and 15 second ringing 'disconnection notice' in their aforementioned song, let me tell you. All the Sonic Youth members must have tinnitus after decades of that nonsense and yet they were still adding those high frequency guitar tones to their later records. I can't help but feel like fewer electric guitars in modern mainstream music is mostly a good thing despite what boomers on YouTube will tell you. But anyway that's enough of my moaning and let's get this poll going:
NEW POLL INCOMING!
Which song should I add for the year 2002 to my 'one song I like from each year: 1922-2022' list?
2002 is a rough year for me musically. I can find a lot more stuff that I know and like from 1927 than for 2002. I looked through lists containing hundreds of songs and albums from 2002 and could only find five or six that I *sort of* like enough to put on a list such as this one.
My main choices:
If you think I should add 'What a Waster' by The Libertines to my list give this post a '' reaction
If I should add 'Personal Jesus' by Johnny Cash give this post a ''
For 'Skills' by Gang Starr (from an album I bought in '04) give this post a ''
For 'Vai Viver a Vida (Tom and Joyce '80s funk remix)' by Rae & Christian select the ''
For 'Let's Push Things Forward' by The Streets choose the ''
For 'In Your Eyes' by Kylie Minogue press the ''
If I should add a different song from Sonic Youth's album Murray Street to replace Disconnection Notice, such as Rain On Tin or Karen Revisited, go for the ''
If none of these options are good enough and I should keep looking through lists until I find something better select the ''
And if I should just go with 'Disconnection Notice' by Sonic Youth because I "loved" it at one stage so I can lie to myself and pretend I still like it, give this post a ''
All right, is everybody clear about what we have to do??
Here's the jarring guitar track I mentioned, I cut out the intro, first verse and outro here. The main 'problematic' sounds I'm talking about are the pinch harmonics that can be heard at 10 seconds and 48 seconds; I had probably just taught myself how to do pinch harmonics because this recording dates from some time in 2009 when I was about 19 and I was busting them out at every opportunity.
Now, do get to voting won't you, or was this post too AUTISTIC for you all and you didn't read this far?!
Chorlton cum Hardy eh? Lol.
I know, I couldn't believe it either. There was absolutely nothing to rent ( except boys, probably) to non students. Besides, sharing is the first type of accomodation students go for. I wasn't fussy but I did have some requirements of distance, transport etc. as some days i had to start work at 8 a.m.
Even the estate agents couldn't believe how bad it was, one told me they had never had that situation so bad before. At one point I thought I had found something. First one to visit, secure job, I thought it was in the bag. Except that the estate agent never managed to contact the landlord, who apparently had enough money to not rent his flat at the date it was supposed to be available. He was probably tanning his arse in Australia or someplace.
I think now it was for the best it didn't work out. I had tons of bad signs the days before I resigned: a train I was in hit and killed someone walking along the tracks. I saw a kid get run over by a scooter. A truck got stuck in an underpass and stopped the trams and it happened before me and of course I walked calmly away, expecting it to explode at any moment as it was so silly it could only be a terrorist attack, right?
You're right about how the end of life of others has a lasting impact. We just had a neighbour over who took care of her mum for a couple of years until it became too much. Same old nursing home story, same inevitable death. She talked about it and couldn't hold back the tears.Saying she regretted it so much, putting her mum in a home. And this is a lady who breaks her back working all week as a cleaner. (She's going to help my mum if my tik tok videos become too successful and I have no time to do the dishes anymore.)
Short videos are new to me but for a start I thought I could recreate this one:
A kid and his grandma.
But let's face it I could never be that cute. In any of the two roles.
Happy our conversation triggered something. Training is always good I think. So did you have to resign or can you take some time off to do it?Barking, our conversation had a positive, inspiring effect on me. I would even call it a dam break. After 2,5 years of work under covid, I needed to reconnect with my past in order to form a new perspective. I applied for some further training yesterday, an online course, and this will open some doors in the near future.
I was thinking about the possibility of creating tik tok videos as well, but had to abandon the idea. When it comes to content creation, I would prefer the good ole blog, not sure though, if this is still a lucrative endeavor nowadays?
So, how is it going with your new profession? Or will you stick with your old one for awhile?
And with regard to nursing homes - they are like hospitals, You try to stay away from them for as long as you can. Once in there, you have to run for your life. And often you are too weak to win this race, and then you die. I assume hospitals and homes for the elderly are just as mismanaged and suffering from bad leadership as all the other institutions we know, in the private or public sector.
I don't have to resign for the training, but have to squeeze it into my tight schedule somehow. And often, nowadays, it's not so much a question about a tight schedule, but more about my mental state and energy level if i can get things done or not.Happy our conversation triggered something. Training is always good I think. So did you have to resign or can you take some time off to do it?
Ideally I 'd like to be able to have a variety of jobs to choose from. Before summer I did a short training course including a brief work placement ( the latter was a nightmarish joke, but I've been through much worse and it was only 3 weeks so I managed to finish the whole thing)( and I did get to see some very nice beaches).
So I should have a few options.
I'm not super keen on working at the moment as the human I live with is unable to break vitamin vials on their own and kind of need me around...But I guess I'll have to at some point (unless M has me on some sort of pension scheme...or booked me a kennel in a 5-star country shelter for my retirement...in which happy case I'llstay unemployed and will just wait to get old.) (Old-old I mean.)
I wish I could have tons of money and just spend my days giving it to environmentalists: I know I'm meant to do that, it's the only thing that makes sense.
But I can't even convince old singers to stop selling t shirts ( not made of bamboo I presume )
So I'm feeling a bit useless really.
But that's ok.
I used to have a paraplegic boyfriend. It was a thankless job caring for him, and he was violent with me several times on top of not being grateful. I wonder who he's got slaving for him now. It was 1989/1990 when we finally went our separate ways. I guess I have a phobia of handicapped people because of that experience. I also went out with a man who is partially a quadriplegic, and he is extremely self righteous, and once threw a wooden cutting board at my thigh, because I'd been skipping around and laughing. If he thinks someone is laughing at him, he gets mean.Oh I know about these training courses. Lol. They'd guaranteed they'd find us a short work placement and of course they found none which is why I had to find one myself and ended up in Hell-by-the-sea, working with a temperamental thief and an old lady reminiscent of the toothless witch in Snow White. (I being of course wide-eyed Thumper in that scenario.)(Thumper who, I noticed, isn't on a M tshirt.Yet).
Oh, Morrissey never listens when he can't make a profit. He really should stop selling his crappy merch if he cares about the environment at all. The best tshirt being of course the one that isn't made. And anyway, who still buys new clothes? So 20th century. If it's not underwear or shoes, there's no real reason to still do that.
I guess he wants to be sued by Disney at the moment with his new collection. Somebody needs attention!
Oh help is available. In theory. Problem is people don't last. Can't blame them. Looking after old/ handicapped people is so demanding and exhausting. Some people start the job with enthusiasm, thinking they can do it, only to find out they really can't after a couple of months. The only reason to do it is a sense of duty to someone really. That or you're a selfless saint with the constitution of an ox...
I support a few NGO's but I think I'm ready for a suicide mission. I wish I could aim, I'd kill Jaïr B. with a poisoned arrow. Plus I've never been to Brazil...
Bloody 'ell Shazz. You really have been through tough stuff.I used to have a paraplegic boyfriend. It was a thankless job caring for him, and he was violent with me several times on top of not being grateful. I wonder who he's got slaving for him now. It was 1989/1990 when we finally went our separate ways. I guess I have a phobia of handicapped people because of that experience. I also went out with a man who is partially a quadriplegic, and he is extremely self righteous, and once threw a wooden cutting board at my thigh, because I'd been skipping around and laughing. If he thinks someone is laughing at him, he gets mean.
Many a staircase, I used up every fibre of my being not to lose my footing. Only twice, I lashed out at him. One time, I deliberately spilled his popcorn at a movie, and the other time, I gently tugged a lock of his hair back, which tilted him over in his wheelchair and he fell backwards.Bloody 'ell Shazz. You really have been through tough stuff.
Yes, handicapped or not, the more you help people I find the more they take you for granted. On the other hand, the person who brings an old lady their slippers once a year gets eternal gratitude. Go figure.
That said, we don't really expect handicapped people to be mean when we help. But there are all sorts of reasons...and all sorts of assholes.
I lost my temper more than once looking after an old confused person: I'd probably let go of an annoying boyfriend's wheelchair in a staircase really fast.
Looking through a list of albums I've listened to, I've heard Glenn Branca's The Ascension and 'No New York' which Mars appeared on. Aside from Horses and Easter I'm not sure if I've listened to any other Patti Smith albums because I stopped taking notes at some point; they're the only ones I remember anyway. The song that got me into Sonic Youth was Orange Rolls, Angel's Spit even with Kim Gordon's abrasive vocals because I liked the echoing two notes that the guitar played in the pre-choruses; that's when the band clicked with me. I have nothing positive to say about 'noise' bands any more though, they had their time and place, but nowadays I wouldn't recommend them any more than I would recommend smoking, heading the ball in football, listening to music with headphones, or attending concerts without hearing protection. The risks to your hearing aren't worth it, no matter how much I enjoyed listening to 'Monkey Trick' by The Jesus Lizard and 'Lust for Death' by Foetus at one point. I liked Pere Ubu enough to buy their Datapanik in the Year Zero boxset for €28 (I still remember the price because parting with that much money for cds pained me). But what was exhilarating at 20 is "do I have to?" at 33. If someone younger than me asked me for noise rock band recommendations (I'm using the 'noise rock' term loosely), I would tell them it's really not worth it and if you want to hear music from decades ago listen to Ravel or Heitor Villa-Lobos instead and your future self will be grateful. Sorry to start sounding so middle aged, and yes I've turned my back on rock and roll! Since I've experienced a tinnitus spike for most of this year I haven't really enjoyed listening to most music, and when I do listen to music it's mainly acoustic; here are three acoustic songs I heard fairly recently and liked:
Adrianne Lenker - Two Reverse (2020)
Daniel Rossen - Unpeopled Space (2022)
Richard Dawson - Shapeshifter (2017)
One other thing: I've barely watched Jeopardy! either even though @rifke thinks watching Jeopardy! is all I care about. I'm not the Jeopardy! fan she thinks I am. True, I watched 136 episodes in 2020 and 159 episodes in 2021 but I've only watched 26 episodes this year and the year is nearly over. So there!! Now look at me being forced to air our dirty laundry in public !