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I never told anyone anything. Just cruised for table dances. House of Lancaster. One stripper hated me aggressively. I was very ignored there, though a friendly guy gave me hits of acid, no strings attached, and I enjoyed myself on the hits, but I guess I was still ignored.
 
I guess I hadn't been such a good person, thinking I had to make a living. Jlo maybe maybe, will teach me.
 
It's fun to stay at the SPCA
Yeah I'm sure. Life's a scramble. Years ago when I stole a dog, people wore t-shirts that said walk off the earth and we got your back, but the dog decided it missed my company, and I stayed, where of course the police sent me to the hospital. I was considering getting it's skin rash looked at at the spca, stupidly. That dog coming to me, I'm a hopeless romantic, but the police took over, as I knew we were both up shits creek. But I denied I was with the dog, grasping at nonsense. I was out of order. I was too sad, and appalled by the indifference of his owner. I considered using a knife to frighten her into giving me the dog. I believed Morrissey was controlling everything and I would only have to think a thought and my will would be done. My will was good, but my autonomy was slack.
 
I believed biker paws was channeling Morrissey's will, and he would look at me intensely and I thought Morrissey wanted me to give all my money away. Especially to a vegetarian restaurant.
 
And Jean took me to a park and I thought it was to be with Morrissey, especially when she let me take her picture.

Now, my fear of rules is strong.
 
I trusted too much before, believed my physical actions weren't really needed, that I just had to think, or rather, to wish, to will.
 
I would walk outside taking pictures and uploading them believing Morrissey liked it. But it was horrible when I would try to get together with him, and would chase people I wasn't drawn to for themselves. I would project, and they would slink into the shadows and I guess I Got scared and petered out. Then I would watch videos in which Morrissey would look so tortured, as if I was torturing him by failing to be aggressive enough. It was misery.
 
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