I'm jealous of the gay male crowd. They seem to have so much fun.I saw Craig the landlord from Lord Roberts again at The Arboretum walking the dog with his boyfriend. They made a detour when they saw me. I'd been barred from his pub last June for not social distancing. I wanted them to see me talking to Dave and his pals but they weren't around at the time and so it looked as though I was on my own again, to Craig. Damn. I saw the park regulars passing through later on (mainly people I've got to know through Dave). There's Colin who is ex navy and loves Frank Sinatra. He was listening to him on his headphones and doing all Frank's dance moves. He gets very serious when he's doing the dancing. He was there in a big coat, gloves and trainers thinking he was dancing on Broadway. He made me laugh, because he said 'I got on with all the gays in the Navy. They were mainly the catering Corp. Other people picked on them but I found I could always have a good sing song with them'. Black ex navy guy, straight as a die and singing with the gays. Hahaha.
I don't know how they behave now or whether there is much of a gay scene anymore, LH, but you're right. When I used to be on the scene in the late 80s and the 90s it was silly, shallow but most of all it was fun. The pub I used to go in was in a pretty rough area but because there weren't many places to go if you were gay back then, you had a curious mix of effeminate gays and rough working class lads. The rough lads used to chunter about their local having been taken over by 'fairies' but they were harmless enough and I feel they may have even had a grudging respect in the end. I never felt threatened by them and they'd always be looking out for you if real trouble came into the pub. It was like family really. You can call your own family to high heaven but as soon as an outsider takes a pot, you stick together.I'm jealous of the gay male crowd. They seem to have so much fun.
I got really embarrassed one time, some time ago - you’ll have noticed i have zero motivation to ever respond to you in the negative? I just got really embarrassed that I ever stooped to arguing with you about anything at all, because I genuinely feel sorry for you. I feel really bad for you, and it makes me feel marginally better if I think that maybe you’re getting something that you need here, or wherever, in whatever way you can get it.
Mourning time to f*** around.I was thinking about what someone said earlier about the passing of time. I'd define my depression as the passing of time. It's not people or friends I'm grieving, it's the hours and minutes. I mourn. Sadness is nothing more than the passing of time. There'll be no time where we go to next and so there will be no sadness.
Haha, yes, who did he think he was, God?Life is getting better the more I've stayed around. You would have thought I'd have become fed up of life and people by this time but I haven't. I'm still not particularly enamoured with life but I'm impressed with how people cope with it. I'm impressed how we all manage to stay sane and reasonably civil when the odds are so irreversibly stacked against us. Despite a malevolent force up there, we manage to coexist. Without much help from anywhere else we've managed to stay civil and not end up killing each other. We've overridden our natural inclination to get rid of everyone who seems a threat. I'd say we've done pretty well without any proper guidance. I can wake up tomorrow and not feel threatened and not fear for my life. Despite the hardships man has to go through he hasn't imploded upon himself. Is there a god? Does it matter? We've looked after ourselves for long enough. On the whole, we've done a cracking job. When God has absented himself for so long and we've learnt to do without him he has no right to show his face. And we have every right to be happy with the way we've conducted ourselves. God left the party too soon. He is now defunct. I can wake up tomorrow in my own bed and feel safe. God didn't do that for me. My fellow man and woman did it for me. Somewhere along the way we learned to look after ourselves and on the whole I think we've done it quite well.
I've been loved by a canary, a dog, and a cat. And, come to think of it, a squirrel, who used to take nuts from my fingers on the balcony, where I used to live. Humans, I have felt love from too. I want more.I'm more than impressed with the way my fellow man treats me. It's a kick in the teeth for mother nature who'd see you scrapping to the death if she had her way. Every day you walk out of your door and coexist with the people around you, you defy mother nature. You resist your natural instinct to do away with everyone or everything that stands in your way. You use your brain. I saw the squirrels fighting today in the park. They have no idea that another squirrel might have the same needs and feelings as them. It's demoralising, in a way. Dumb creatures aren't aware that anything else exists outside of themselves. Animals and feral creatures don't make me feel close to nature. They bring home the fact that life is impersonal. I'll never forgive animals for distrusting me. I don't like them. People are hard enough to get close to. I don't need squirrels disowning me too.