I'd donate my life to you in a heartbeat if I could. As scary as death is (the idea that we stop breathing) it is also comforting that one day our life ends. Some find it hard to grasp the idea that things carry on like before and that their homes and buildings and places will still be there whereas others see that as a good thing.I want to live for a long time politi. I'm getting used to this grief. I'm getting used to life. I need longer to appreciate it fully.
You remind me of Rolf who sought out grief and pain in everything. He could win millions on Lotto and only see the downside. It's beyond depression and just the way some are wired.
I think you share with many the realisation that you missed out on the things in life that made it worth living. Not many people without kids seem to find a purpose in life and even Rolf realised that.
But personally I am grateful each day now I never had kids cause the world is completely insane. But I've said it before the most grateful are the people of this world who never saw me have any kids cause the idea is scary even to me.