Morrissey: Current Job Opportunities

[Your Angel]

Dear Morrissey,

I'd like to have the pleasure of informing you, if you aren't already aware, there are a couple of excellent opportunities for you if you are having any thoughts about ditching your current band.

The guys of the former Guns N' Roses are looking for a new frontman. Axl owns the name Guns N' Roses and he is crazy in fame and self-importance so he's not about to share it with the old band members who think he is a psycho. However, this has only recharged them and the guys all got back together and are working on some kick ass classic rock but are currently taking applications for their only missing piece: a frontman!.

Also, have you ever tried to collaborate with any electronic artists? I'd love to hear you on the next Paul Oakenfold Global Underground. Just think, YOU could be a voice to the millions of kids rolling on ecstasy every week!

Other than that, Van Halen is still open to a new voice.

C'mon Moz, right now, it's your tomorrow!

 

[An old friend/]

Re: Morrissey: Additonal Job Opportunities

Dear Morrissey,

Since your bloated ego prevents you from recording an album for a small independent label, your options are somewhat limited. I know that in recent years your albums have not sold well at all, and that you've had to tour and sell merchandise to help pay for the costs incurred while recording. Your stubbornness has not endeared you to record companies, and as time passes they become less willing to gamble money on your recording efforts or elaborate tour plans.

The thing is, you've always been a rock-and-roll fan. Despite outward protests, you've always loved the road as well.

I'd be willing, on a trial period, to give you a shot working for me. My band will be touring the UK shortly - and quite possibly playing a few dates in North America. While my band has not generated much publicity or interest, we usually get enough people coming to see us at pubs to buy us free pints and indulge in the occasional shag in the back of our rental van.

Learn how to tune a guitar a guitar and you're more than welcome to join my road crew.

Regards,

Johnny Marr