is it just me, or is it slow on the boards recently?

[Puddle]

is everyone on vacation? i just got back yesterday from Detroit/Chicago. Seems boring here...well i guess life in general has been somewhat boring lately, so it could just be me.

Hey, so i found out the woman of my dreams (ehh, at least she was two summers ago) is recently single. though it seems like that 'thing' i at first was attracted to is not there now (thus i wouldn't pursuit her), it nevertheless for some reason feels good to know she's single. Granted I'm selfish and wish everyone to be single as long as I am. i only bring it up because she was the last one to grab my attention ...a very long two years ago. I'm not pathetic, it's the people I encounter who are--that's the problem. And there have been plenty of people - - - .

Perhaps that 'thing' is still there in her and it's i who have changed. and i know i have, just haven't figured out how it affects the important aspects of my life--now and tomorrow.

Or perhaps i don't want to figure out. Well that's no help, I'm rambling.

 

[andy_fozzy]

Hey dude.
I've noticed it's quite slow too lately.......

Mate, being single aint all that bad you know.......
Just think, if you'd got together 2 summers ago, and that 'thing' disapeared the following summer. What would you do then? Finish the relationship, or carry on regardless, just because she loves you like crazy, and you couldn't leave her because you hate upsetting and making people sad?

This is the way I feel very often.
And this is why I hate being in love.

Life is a pigsty.........

 

[mjp]

What would you do then? Finish the relationship, or carry on regardless, just because she loves you like crazy, and you couldn't leave her because you hate upsetting and making people sad?


Life is a pigsty.........

Andy, Puddle - this is exactly the decision I had to make three years ago - I can honestly say it was the most liberating decision ever. I could have gone through life being loved without ever really feeling that special thing but fate forced me to bite the bullet (I lost my wedding ring on a business trip (ahem...)) and as our anniversary grew nearer, having previously agreed to buy new rings for the occasion, I found myself more and more drawn to questioning if I could bring myself to continue this 'half-life' that I was experiencing.

So I did what I felt I had to do and leave - I still see my son all the time, my career has gone from strength to strength, people who have known me a long time now say I'm more like the fun person I was 15 years ago and my love life could not be any better. I've also found things falling into my lap since then too (pay-rises, change of luck....) - it's almost as though fate is congratulating me on making the right decision.

Anyways, I'm waffling now, all I can say is that I can relate to what Andy mentioned above and I'm not trying to encourage anyone else to do what I did but it seems to have worked out for me, and all those affected (including the now ex-wife).

 

[dallow_bg]

What would you do then? Finish the relationship, or carry on regardless, just because she loves you like crazy, and you couldn't leave her because you hate upsetting and making people sad?

Life is a pigsty.........

Know the feeling too well.

 

[andy_fozzy]

Andy, Puddle - this is exactly the decision I had to make three years ago - I can honestly say it was the most liberating decision ever. I could have gone through life being loved without ever really feeling that special thing but fate forced me to bite the bullet (I lost my wedding ring on a business trip (ahem...)) and as our anniversary grew nearer, having previously agreed to buy new rings for the occasion, I found myself more and more drawn to questioning if I could bring myself to continue this 'half-life' that I was experiencing.

So I did what I felt I had to do and leave - I still see my son all the time, my career has gone from strength to strength, people who have known me a long time now say I'm more like the fun person I was 15 years ago and my love life could not be any better. I've also found things falling into my lap since then too (pay-rises, change of luck....) - it's almost as though fate is congratulating me on making the right decision.


Hey M. Wow, what a lovely story (sorry, don't mean to sound morbid!)
I've had a very demanding time over the past few week. Something that I couldn't cope with again.....
I've known this girl at work for a year, always got on really well, had a laugh and a joke, had good serious chats etc. And I've always been phisically attracted to her. But one day, out of nowhere really, something inside sort of said to me that I think I'm falling in love with this girl. Me and my other half have been together for some 12 years, and we are very happy. Love each other to bits, never argue or fall out, all good things.

What scared me, REALLY f***in scared me, was that I was considering leaving my partner, my best friend, my home, my life etc.
Get this, I didn't even know how this girl felt about me and still don't!

What sort of fool am I????

As you might tell, I am a very obssesive person, and I become attached to things in a big way.
When I was considering leaving, the only thing that kept me here was my feelings. Not my feelings for my partner, f*** me, I can deal with me. I can't deal with knowing that I have ruined someone's life. I do not like to upset anyone, and knowing how much she loves me, well I just couldn't do it to her. IF, IF I were unhappy with our life together, I'd just have to cope with it, and wait for her to leave me.

Ok, now I'm banging on, so I'll button it!!

Cheers for listening.......

Andy

 

[Pervomartovtsi]

yeah it's too slow...and sorry but I'm just waking up so I can't make up a ad hoc post

 

[Dupree]

What I think is that people change over time. So, for example, the person you fell for those summers ago may not be the same person now and the same goes for you and that's why the spark that was there isn't so strong anymore. It may be more acute for somebody in their teens (as the rate at which people between 13-19 mature is fairly fast. So someone you liked at 14, you may not like at 19. Been there, done that, borne the heart break.) but I think it applies to everyone. Situations and people constantly change and, as far as I can tell, relationships come and go.

You just have to embrace it and enjoy it while it lasts and be aware that it will not last forever.

 

[mjp]

Cheers for listening.......

Andy

Andy, mate, your story is also mine minus a few small details, I knew the girl in work for 2 weeks, fell in love straight away, knew immediatley she liked me, within 3 weeks of speaking to her i had left everything with £5 in my pocket just to be with her.

Shit man, we need to get together, I'm down in Devon in August perhaps we can meet up to share tales?

EDIT - she turned into the woman of my dreams - even though i never had one.

 

[Codreanu]

What I think is that people change over time. So, for example, the person you fell for those summers ago may not be the same person now and the same goes for you and that's why the spark that was there isn't so strong anymore. It may be more acute for somebody in their teens (as the rate at which people between 13-19 mature is fairly fast. So someone you liked at 14, you may not like at 19. Been there, done that, borne the heart break.) but I think it applies to everyone. Situations and people constantly change and, as far as I can tell, relationships come and go.

You just have to embrace it and enjoy it while it lasts and be aware that it will not last forever.

I read something enjoyable from Chesterton the other day that seems to touch lightly upon, although contrariwise and with disdain, the somewhat glib notion above.

"The man who makes a vow makes an appointment with himself at some distant time or place. The danger of it is that himself should not keep the appointment. And in modern times this terror of one's self, of the weakness and mutability of one's self, has perilously increased, and is the real basis of the objection to vows of any kind. A modern man refrains from swearing to count the leaves on every third tree in Holland Walk, not because it is silly to do so (he does many sillier things), but because he has a profound conviction that before he had got to the three hundred and seventy-ninth leaf on the first tree he would be excessively tired of the subject and want to go home to tea. In other words, we fear that by that time he will be, in the common but hideously significant modern phrase, another man. Now, it is this horrible fairy tale of a man constantly changing into other men that is the soul of the decadence.

"The one hell which imagination must conceive as most hellish is to be eternally acting a play without even the narrowest and dirtiest greenroom in which to be human. And this is the condition of the decadent, of the aesthete, of the free-lover. To be everlastingly passing through dangers which we know cannot scathe us, to be taking oaths which we know cannot bind us, to be defying enemies who we know cannot conquer us -- this is the grinning tyranny of decadence which is called freedom.

"...In Mr. Bernard Shaw's brilliant play The Philanderer we have a vivid picture of this state of things. Charteris is a man perpetually endeavouring to be a free-lover, which is like endeavouring to be a married bachelor or a white negro. He is wandering in a hungry search for a certain exhilaration which he can only have when he has the courage to cease from wandering. Men knew better than this in old times -- in the time, for example, of Shakespeare's heroes. When Shakespeare's men are really celibate they praise the undoubted advantages of celibacy, liberty, irresponsibility, a chance of continual change. But they were not such fools as to continue to talk of liberty when they were in such a condition that they could be made happy or miserable by the moving of someone else's eyebrow. Suckling classes love with debt in his praise of freedom:

'And he that's fairly out of both
Of all the world is blest.
He lives as in the golden age,
When all things made were common;
He takes his pipe, he takes his glass,
He fears no man or woman.'

"This is a perfectly possible, rational, and manly position. But what have lovers to do with ridiculous affectations of fearing no man or woman? They know that in the turning of a hand the whole cosmic engine to the remotest star may become an instrument of music or an instrument of torture. They hear a song older than Suckling's, that has survived a hundred philosophies. 'Who is this that looketh out of the window, fair as the sun, clear as the moon, terrible as an army with banners?'"

 

[Puddle]

What I think is that people change over time. So, for example, the person you fell for those summers ago may not be the same person now and the same goes for you and that's why the spark that was there isn't so strong anymore. It may be more acute for somebody in their teens (as the rate at which people between 13-19 mature is fairly fast. So someone you liked at 14, you may not like at 19. Been there, done that, borne the heart break.) but I think it applies to everyone. Situations and people constantly change and, as far as I can tell, relationships come and go.

You just have to embrace it and enjoy it while it lasts and be aware that it will not last forever.

yes this is very true. from a personal tale...four years ago i was in a serious relationship with this one woman. We broke up and to tell you the truth i actually still wanted it to go on. I really liked her. well now, even if she hasn't changed a bit, I could honestly say that the current me would in no way be interested in her. Which brings me to the point: what's the point in getting married. I am totally up for finding the one person to spend my life with, but marriage is just an extra complication in the case when divorce is needed. People change. It's nice and not so nice at the same time. It's really just a neccessary headache if you want to live an interesting life. The trick is to not let it get to you and take it in good stride. of course the point is to find someone where you can both grow and change over time but still be interested in each other. that's not too hard to do i guess (sarcasm is hard to convey online)

 

[Dupree]

what's the point in getting married. I am totally up for finding the one person to spend my life with, but marriage is just an extra complication in the case when divorce is needed. People change.

Yes, this is exactly it. While it is nice to day dream about spending your life with someone in an everlasting state of bliss, it is unlikely to happen. Two out of the four girls I work closely with at work echo your words. One said 'When you get married you vow to stay with the person that they are, not the person that they will become'. (I have yet to make up my mind about whether what she says is true because as far as I know, you're making a vow to God that you will stay together forever - no exceptions or loop holes. A vow that seems rather difficult to keep. In my immature and naive little mind I find the whole concept rather scary. I'd rather keep God out of it.)

With reference to Codreanu and your interesting text...yes, I was being rather flippant and off-hand in the way I spoke earlier but I think that is the very nature of letting emotions, experiences and relationships pass through you. I'm all for passionate and steadfast resolve when it can be acheived but I can never quite get away from the phrase 'nothing lasts forever' (thanks Axl Rose for ruining it for me, too). It's not a case of giving up or 'objecting to vows of any kind', I don't I would ever say 'oh well, what's the point? We'll only break up in the end..' if I was in a failing or testing relationship. Being aware that times will change just means that you savour your emotions more when you are experiencing them.

Maybe it is that I would prefer to be happy-go-lucky. I mean, it happens with everything: you buy a pretty ring, you lose the pretty ring, your friend gives you some writing paper, you like it but there's no point keeping it in a draw so you write on it and send it to someone and don't see it again, you have a pet dog, the dog dies...if I were to dwell on these things it would drive me crazy. Instead, I would rather I enjoy these things while I have them and let them go.

I think I was rather influenced by this little snippet from American Beauty:

"There's so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once, and it's too much, my heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst and then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it, and then it flows through me like rain and I can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life..."

 

[Puddle]

another point about marriage...

My twin brother who is practically married and will be in October, met his GF when he was 20 (he's about to be 27 soon). Now both he and his girlfriend haven't changed a bit. I mean not a bit--to the way they dress, their beliefs, the music, their likes and dislikes, etc. I see the same thing with a few other couples, married or not. It's like they stick to routines and the same beliefs and a very steady life becasue they fear they will loose each other if life changes too much, too fast.

Heck i don't think we become stable more or less until late 20s. if you are going to leap into marriage (or something equivalent for those who do not belive in it one bit), then you better make sure you know yourself well. How can anyone know themselves well at the age of 20?

 

[Dupree]

Yes, I have seen this too - at my tender age, lol.

I knew people that had got together at school and were still together through college (myself included, urgh) and it seemed that everbody just stayed together because it was the easiest and most convenient thing to do. Everyone just seemed to have got stuck in a routine.

What you say about loosing each other if things changed to much is very true. When everybody left college and began to step into the real world it seemed like everyone broke up (myself included). It appeared as though people finally realised that the change meant they were no longer dependant on the other person. The routine had been broken and they now had a chance to stand on their own feet.

 

[andy_fozzy]

Andy, mate, your story is also mine minus a few small details, I knew the girl in work for 2 weeks, fell in love straight away, knew immediatley she liked me, within 3 weeks of speaking to her i had left everything with £5 in my pocket just to be with her.

Shit man, we need to get together, I'm down in Devon in August perhaps we can meet up to share tales?

EDIT - she turned into the woman of my dreams - even though i never had one.

Hey M.
I reckon you deserve a flippin medal mate for doing it.
Trouble here is that my partner and me have such a good relationship, and I knew deep down that I'd be a twat foer chucking it in. But I VERY nearly did..........

A meet up would be wicked dude.
I'll PM my e-mail address to you in a mo.........



Andy

 

[no one in particular]

You know it's slow on the boards when....
...Math Tinder is still the 15th highest poster in here, but her last post was July 3.
Check it out: http://forums.morrissey-solo.com/memberlist.php?&order=DESC&sort=posts&pp=30

Attention people - it is SOO easy to contribute (esp. to off-topic)! and so much fun! c'mon!

 

[dallow_bg]

Yeah....... very very slow. I've been trying to stay away so new posts can collect.
I don't usually create topics.

 

[no one in particular]

dallow, don't stay away....you are needed!

and what's with not creating threads?

 

[Sister]

Being in top 15 spammers freaks me out and makes me wanna log out immediately!

Especially providing that some people, that are ranked higher on that list are not actually spammers, but contributing members.

P.S. Dallow, any chance you have the Manchester vs. Cancer videos, I'm desperately trying to get?

 

[no one in particular]

^sister, you can't think of it that way at all... you must think of it as that you are a life-critical component of this place...without you, the torpor in here could be so severe that it is bordering on board in a coma!

so, keep at it!

(i feel like a one-person pep squad)

 

[Pervomartovtsi]

I can remember when even the dullest thread got 3 or 4 pages full of opinions and off-topic turns...that was the gold age of the forum...are we forever shipwrecked?