I'm out of this world

Robert Neville

I’m Out Of This World

A house where the lights don’t go out

East from Industrial Hell

There’s more than life at stake

With yellow fog at the window, the room is full

Everyone in ill-fitting suits, cut priced crowd

The girls are all biceps, the boys are all chest

Shoulders formed but partially deformed

Exotic, erotic, neurotic

Nobody wants to be who they are

The biggest tarts since the mother of Solomon

Growing weary of dreary conversations

Sat around making each other happy

They’re bringing me their diseases

One with rosary across his knee

Slips me something and I feel strange

And I can only see in halves

Have I been lobotomised, castrated or has my brain been colonised?

Or have I had too much to drink by mistake

Talking to the pillow and now it’s talking back

“Well you can’t spell my last name without Evil”

Trying to remember that the thunder warned

Jesus only loves you when you’re losing

I’m out of this world

And I’m out of mind

And I’m cold

And I’m dying of shame

Hearing endless chatter from a distant room

So far removed

I hear distant chatter from an endless room

Never seen and never proved

Everybody’s talking I just wish they’d keep their counsel

There’s music coming from upstairs

The chords are submissive

But when I get there the room is empty

And I still don’t understand

My speech unravels and misses

Only strangeness makes sense

Everything is silent and out of reach

And I’m throwing marbles into a cup

Twenty in a row, hands applaud in thin air

I’m out of this world

And I’m out of mind

And I’m cold

And I’m dying of shame

All these shapes without any form

All these form with no shape

It was my life but I feel like I was late

There’s a flower in a forest about to bloom

A fire reigns down, the flower croons

Is this real or another endless abstraction

Are they real or a lucid distraction?

A heap of broken men and broken women

Broken images and they’re made of stone

And now there’s a crowd chanting my name in satanic verse

A man in the corner is turning into Judas

And the blood of the lamb can’t wash him clean

A friend forming a wall with no faces at all

Then they ask me for pity and I spit

In their faces, not in this city

And now they’re shouting at me “WE WILL BE REIMBURSED”

I’m out of this world

And I’m out of mind

And I’m cold

And I can’t find shame

They’re counting their love for each other with money

And they’re counting the money as sickness

An emerald ring and a crown and a king

The reflection blinded my sight

A rich man enters the room and places a camel on my back

A woman swims naked in the swimming pool in my dreams

I didn’t know then and I still don’t know what it means

And the floor is shaking and my head is pounding

Now from my depths I see the sullied water rise

All disease swimming beside me

And I’m drowning

An alarm rings and words on the page reverse

Weak fingers won’t and weak mind will not

Am I a martyr or did I go too far?

Fatal Fever, is it time?

I’m out of this world

And I’m out of mind

And I’m cold

And I can’t find shame

Stiff in a rented house, a dry brain for a dry season

There’s a joke and nervous laughter

About hidden power and winning hands

An echo from the past shouting treason

I came knocking at your door

I kneel at your feet with repentance and sickness

Like I was saved from the street

A cheap thrill is all I want

Suspicion tears at my sleepless mind

The thrill has gone, lets not linger on it

It was spoiled anyway

They are drugs, love bites and vomit

And the bad times linger on, dark clouds rumble in the sky

There is no silver lining

And you’ll see me glaring from the corners

Wanting failure, willing it on

It works and it doesn’t work

My spirit battered and bruised bludgeoned and sore

Collapsing on the floor

Like a child running in a burning room

Looking for a hidden door

Sometimes it gets cold in here

Is this sleep or am I just tired?

Of constantly needing and found wanting

I gave up on the world

It gave up on me first

Who made this world?

I’ve no idea

Who made the world?

I can’t tell

But I am here

And here is hell
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