I’ve decided on my new name!

[nicky wire's legs]

It was so weird when I woke up today cause I woke up smelling a fire and even hearing it and tasting it in my mouth. Ran out of the bedroom and the smell and taste was gone but went back to bedroom and the smell was still there.

Typical smell from a car burning cause if you've felt that toxic smell you know what I mean. It was just my dad being here and the dead signal things with smells but never heard they do it with taste cause I was choking on fire smoke like he was back in November.

He always worried about me which was a bit over the top at times so of course he knew this was the day I got my death sentence and will soon join him on the other side or whatever that is.

The brain cancer is really giving me pains inside the skull on one side and explains why I've felt dizzy and shit off and on for the past year. The doctor asked why I did not check these things knowing the family history and I was honest to tell him I don't trust the medical people and know from before that once you get it diagnosed it is always too late.

He wanted me to do the chemo like mom and bro did but I said no. I will take a drug overdose and have enough stashed away for that day. I plan to die in my car like some kind of Varg Vikernes but without a camera.

We go to the town hall next week to get married and a local politician who knew my dad was kind enough to arrange it in no time, not that it takes a lot for that kind of arrangement but they are busy or pretend to be.

I will help Pilla find a new home somewhere in Sweden so that she owns it and I have asked her dad to see me cause we don't like each other very much but I want to know that he will be there for his daughter to help her out now and then and check on her well being.

It is finally happening and I should be sad or terrified or whatever but I feel ready, guess I have been since I tried to off myself back in 1989 and 1990 but a cruel twist of fate wanted otherwise.

I am already starting to become yellow so there's my chinese karma. I won't respond to any feel sorry for me posts not that I expect anyone to be that stupid.

Urbanus the troll is soon history.

can I live in your house after yer dead? six months is all I need.

 

[Anonymous]

can I live in your house after yer dead? six months is all I need.

No someone else will live here, probably a family from Zoomalia with 18 kids.

I love you for being so cold yet funny, thanks, cause I need it.

 

[Anonymous]

There are people that I want dead. You aren’t one of them...not because I like you...but because you’re meaningless to me and I don’t think about you at all.

Phew!

The start there made me wonder if this was going to be a post full of crocodile tears.

You rule miss Viva Diva.

 

[Deleted member 1074]

Phew!

The start there made me wonder if this was going to be a post full of crocodile tears.

You rule miss Viva Diva.

I’m probably the most genuine member on this site...

 

[Amy]

I’m probably the most genuine member on this site...

dear God, that's damning with faint praise...

 

[Anonymous]

I knew a Vivianne through my mother and Vivi had extreme underbite Moz style and had to have her jaws fixed. She had extreme seasonal depression in summertime that made her cry hysterically. She had to have electric shocks to the brain to function when things got out of hand.

But despite all that I liked her and she was one of those people talking about things many other people avoid talking about. My last memory of her is seeing her picking berries from bushes near the woods where I was running back then.

That image of her is frozen in my mind as if she was free there alone out in nature making good use of berries other people would not care about.

I don't know if she lives or is dead now but she bought a quite run down house out in nowhere after centuries living in the ghetto and she worked at the checkout in a food store and I always wondered how a quite fragile person coped with all that stress cause I could never have a job like that but for some reason her she loved it and I think it had to do with the daily contact with customers cause at work she smiled more than she did in her private life.

So Viva, please carry her shiny star into the future and let it guide you and protect you.

 

[Anonymous]

I’m probably the most genuine member on this site...

I believe so too simply for the fact that you must have had to understand yourself more than most people out there. I know I have been awful to you but I must let you know I admire you and wish you all the best and I find it quite cool what you are doing.

Beware of the statistics and take care of yourself and be open toward the people in your life should things go badly. It might be a great role to play but don't get stuck in that role and don't turn your life into acting.

That way you will be genuine and true to yourself and others.

 

[realitybites]

I knew a Vivianne through my mother and Vivi had extreme underbite Moz style and had to have her jaws fixed. She had extreme seasonal depression in summertime that made her cry hysterically. She had to have electric shocks to the brain to function when things got out of hand.

But despite all that I liked her and she was one of those people talking about things many other people avoid talking about. My last memory of her is seeing her picking berries from bushes near the woods where I was running back then.

That image of her is frozen in my mind as if she was free there alone out in nature making good use of berries other people would not care about.

I don't know if she lives or is dead now but she bought a quite run down house out in nowhere after centuries living in the ghetto and she worked at the checkout in a food store and I always wondered how a quite fragile person coped with all that stress cause I could never have a job like that but for some reason her she loved it and I think it had to do with the daily contact with customers cause at work she smiled more than she did in her private life.

So Viva, please carry her shiny star into the future and let it guide you and protect you.

This is beautiful. You are a man of extremes.

 

[Anonymous]

This is beautiful. You are a man of extremes.

Are you talking to me (remove De Niro from the picture).

Yes, I am a very extreme man and person. I almost left Pilla for a sex change nurse in Stockholm. I was talking to the nurse behind Pilla's back and she still doesn't know.

I have this inner lesbo and she wants to come out before I die. Plus sex change people are so much more feminine than women these days. Women in general have lost touch with femininity cause of the feminist movement.

Plus a man turned woman don't have the baggage that women in general have. I think the debate about men being replaced is wrong and that it is a large group of women that will be replaced and mainly white women.

Swedish men are not interested in swedish white women and that goes for me as well. I believe white women are the ones losing out and that men will turn to women abroad and to men that became women like in Thailand where they are respected and popular.

So Jehne while I may seem extreme I am once again just ahead of my time. Look at all the white single women on this forum and ask yourself who are the ones getting replaced and pushed away.

 

[realitybites]

Are you talking to me (remove De Niro from the picture).

Yes, I am a very extreme man and person. I almost left Pilla for a sex change nurse in Stockholm. I was talking to the nurse behind Pilla's back and she still doesn't know.

I have this inner lesbo and she wants to come out before I die. Plus sex change people are so much more feminine than women these days. Women in general have lost touch with femininity cause of the feminist movement.

Plus a man turned woman don't have the baggage that women in general have. I think the debate about men being replaced is wrong and that it is a large group of women that will be replaced and mainly white women.

Swedish men are not interested in swedish white women and that goes for me as well. I believe white women are the ones losing out and that men will turn to women abroad and to men that became women like in Thailand where they are respected and popular.

So Jehne while I may seem extreme I am once again just ahead of my time. Look at all the white single women on this forum and ask yourself who are the ones getting replaced and pushed away.

I almost want to take back what I said. Why does everything have to be peppered with exaggerated stereotypical observations and negative assessments? I guess I was hoping for a simple thank you. And possibly open a window for you to gain insight to how you come across on these forums when you are in a hateful rage. You are smart. No doubt. But your abusive posts and gross generalizations leave many people thinking you are unintelligent. I see the rose through the thick thorns and that is why I have not written you off as a complete ass.

 

[Anonymous]

I almost want to take back what I said. Why does everything have to be peppered with exaggerated stereotypical observations and negative assessments? I guess I was hoping for a simple thank you. And possibly open a window for you to gain insight to how you come across on these forums when you are in a hateful rage. You are smart. No doubt. But your abusive posts and gross generalizations leave many people thinking you are unintelligent. I see the rose through the thick thorns and that is why I have not written you off as a complete ass.

You should have by now, he's a c***.

 

[Anonymous]

This is beautiful. You are a man of extremes.

You see Jehne life talks to me and shows me both the best and the worst of it. I feel like a witness who will report to a grand jury about my life on earth and why people are so sad and lost.

Some who have this believe God is talking to them but I believe it is something else. That some of us are chosen to feel more than others. I've noticed that my whole life and it has been a struggle but also a blessing.

What some see as extreme is normal to others. It is just part of daily life and with time you get used to it and accept it. I believe people with borderline are among those people. Personally I've studied it and have never found myself in any mental diagnosis though as you know I don't trust it cause it is not based on science.

I have experienced extreme things and things that simply cannot be explained. That is how the after life communicate with us and ask a child about where they came from and many will remember it and that this here and now is not their home.

I know you are a blunt person and for some reason refuse to believe in anything despite having lived in a country so soaked up in religion where perhaps the greatest story ever told began. I think you are a person who wants control and to see things you can put on the table.

Maybe they hijacked religion and the idea of something more and people tend to do that and put it in the box but out there and on the other side of reality there are no boxes or even frames.

We are taught to fear things and even ourselves and mind control uses fear to control what is free.

 

[Anonymous]

I almost want to take back what I said. Why does everything have to be peppered with exaggerated stereotypical observations and negative assessments? I guess I was hoping for a simple thank you. And possibly open a window for you to gain insight to how you come across on these forums when you are in a hateful rage. You are smart. No doubt. But your abusive posts and gross generalizations leave many people thinking you are unintelligent. I see the rose through the thick thorns and that is why I have not written you off as a complete ass.

You have feelings for me and see me as a new possible way out in the big world. Women do that cause they often lack the means themselves.

I know I am horrible at the best of times and that is just me but can you accuse me of ever having not talked about facts and reality?

You get triggered when you shouldn't cause you have a son and past marriage. I wasn't talking about you at all and you are obviously a strong woman and much stronger than me.

Stereotypes are the reality and you know that having lived a long life already. Generalizations come from life experience and cops know this more than anyone.

I blow my top at times but so do you and you tried your best to bully CG for years and fat shamed her and did all kinds of things and attacked her appearance which is the biggest sin of all and yes I am a sinner too so I am not judging you.

I thank you for the reply above but wasn't it slightly littered cause you used the word extreme which means you wanted to paint me out as a freak?

 

[Anonymous]

You should have by now, he's a c***.

Yes I am a c*** and life forced me to become one to survive which is why I say I have not lived yet cause it was all about survival.

When people like me I panic and I was always a sponge to hate and soaked it up and nurtured it and held it in my arms. I could never take compliments though many tried but if their was conflict I made sure to be in the middle of it.

I come from parents whose families both had a lot of hate and conflict to deal with. On moms side the political struggle up north where people were killed for the idea of freedom.

On dads side a split family where dad learned to beat people badly at an early age like inmates do to be left alone. Me and mother talked about this hate on both sides of my family and she never quite got to terms with it.

 

[Anonymous]

You should have by now, he's a c***.

If I had a c*** I would share it with Vivi.

 

[Deleted member 1074]

If I had a c*** I would share it with Vivi.

I like my penis, thank you very much.

 

[realitybites]

You have feelings for me and see me as a new possible way out in the big world. Women do that cause they often lack the means themselves.

I know I am horrible at the best of times and that is just me but can you accuse me of ever having not talked about facts and reality?

You get triggered when you shouldn't cause you have a son and past marriage. I wasn't talking about you at all and you are obviously a strong woman and much stronger than me.

Stereotypes are the reality and you know that having lived a long life already. Generalizations come from life experience and cops know this more than anyone.

I blow my top at times but so do you and you tried your best to bully CG for years and fat shamed her and did all kinds of things and attacked her appearance which is the biggest sin of all and yes I am a sinner too so I am not judging you.

I thank you for the reply above but wasn't it slightly littered cause you used the word extreme which means you wanted to paint me out as a freak?

1) I do not need rescued.
2) Yes, I too am guilty of ending my original post with a negative comment.
3) CG was an unhinged stalker firebrand who followed me around the forum and continually attacked the authenticity of every post I made and questioned my integrity non-stop. She also body shamed me and others. I should have ignored it. I chose to react. I know now that was the wrong choice.

 

[Anonymous]

1) I do not need rescued.
2) Yes, I too am guilty of ending my original post with a negative comment.
3) CG was an unhinged stalker firebrand who followed me around the forum and continually attacked the authenticity of every post I made and questioned my integrity non-stop. She also body shamed me and others. I should have ignored it. I chose to react. I know know that was the wrong choice.

Where did my sweet and funny Jehne go?

The one that despite life threatening ordeals always managed to post a funny reply now and then. Has she become dead serious and look she did not even deny that she fancies me but that can't be true cause no woman out there could fancy me, no way.
You've had kids and husbands and of course you don't need to be rescued and nothing in my post suggests it which makes me wonder if you just revealed something about yourself without knowing.

Was that your sub conscious admitting something?

 

[Anonymous]

I like my penis, thank you very much.

How big is it, am I allowed to ask a lady that?

 

[Deleted member 1074]

How big is it, am I allowed to ask a lady that?

Its actually quite silly, but its always been much bigger when I’m with men or thinking about men! It’s actually a staggering difference. I guess I’m just into it more?