How many friends do you have?

[Arsenal]

Does anyone have any advice on making friends ? I am very shy and really don't know how to make friends. I find I freeze if I try to make chit chat with people or I just really don't know what to say. Apart from my husband and kids I have no friends... oh God I sound like a right saddo
That's why I have enjoyed discovering moz solo, because with people here I can share an interest, have a laugh and be myself.
How do I do this day to day ? How do I find someone to share a joke with over coffee ?

Please be gentle, it took a lot of courage to post this.

Chit chat is useless, and only serves to waste time. If you want to find people like you, then look for them in places where you frequent. Are you a sports fan? Look for people like you at sporting events. Hockey, football, baseball games. Do your children participate in sports or activities? Same things. Perhaps other mothers have the same problem as you, and would welcome a friend.

Try getting a hobby you genuinely enjoy. The best way to make a friend or someone you can talk to is to find them doing something you genuinely enjoy doing. Try participating in an activity or joining a club. If you have any interests or hobbies then follow them up in a social environment. You may be surprised to find that most of the people there are there for the same reasons you are, and are just as nervous.

And lastly, learn to love yourself. If you can't be alone and be happy with silence and the sound of your own thoughts, then how can you be happy with another person? I mean this seriously. If you don't like who you are, your own company, wit, mental stimulation and being then how do you expect anyone else to like you?

Learn to like yourself, learn confidence through that and the rest will come naturally. Trust me.

 

[65.190.113.158]

That is great advice . Are you in the mental health services field ?

 

[Arsenal]

That is great advice . Are you in the mental health services field ?

No. I just have a bit of life experience, that's all. I've spent my time not only experiencing things, but analyzing them and finding the reasons behind them. I don't have any career experience in this regard, just life experience.

 

[65.190.113.158]

No. I just have a bit of life experience, that's all. I've spent my time not only experiencing things, but analyzing them and finding the reasons behind them. I don't have any career experience in this regard, just life experience.

You seem to sincerely be a rational and well adjusted person .
Thank you for posting your insights .

 

[teeth]

*Now accepting friend requests....*

 

[bysshe]

I have seven very close friends and several acquaintances that I don't get to talk to as often as I would like.

I met two of my closest friends at school, one when I was 12 and the other when I was 16. Most of the others, I met at work or through friends.

 

[Corrissey]

I'm blessed to say I have many good friends. I've always held 4-5 as my closest.

Everyone has (a) friend(s).
If there is one thing in life I've observed, it's that everybody's got somebody.

And it's quality over quantity!!

 

[nugz]

i have very few close friends. just one friend in particular that I hold above all others. I am very lucky to have her as a best friend, she is the only person I can be my complete self around, and shes stuck with me throughout everything I've been through in the last 8 years and I honestly don't know what I would do w/out her. but, I also have very many acquaintances, those people I call up to get a few drinks with from time to time. nothing wrong with that either. not everyone has to know your deepest darkest secrets.

 

[Jose]

I have about 10 close friends and I have a very active social life: volunteering a lot, member of a theatre group and I'm directing a theatre group for young girls. Especially joining the theatre group got me over my own shyness. On stage you can be someone else, you play a role and that's the case for most people in the group.
And as Arsenal said, it's a good idea to find a hobby and join a club or something. Try to find out the possibilities in your neighbourhood.
I know it sounds very hard, but start saying "hello" to people on the street or just give people a nod and a smile. That might take the edge of your shyness.
And remember: the first step is always the hardest!

Good luck!

 

[Buzzetta]

Just remember that when the feds come a knocking you do not have any friends. You have associates.

 

[EPbabe]

I'm blessed to say I have many good friends. I've always held 4-5 as my closest.

Everyone has (a) friend(s).
If there is one thing in life I've observed, it's that everybody's got somebody.

And it's quality over quantity!!

Same here. And I'm not even nice...

 

[Tbevie]

I’m 23 and I don’t really have any friends either. I’ve always considered my sister to be my best friend. We spend a lot of time together and we have so much in common. I had a group of friends in high school but during my last year of school we kind of drifted apart because they we beginning to do all the things than “normal” teenagers do, like drinking, going out to night clubs, getting boyfriends and I just wasn’t interested in any of those things. At college I only really made one friend but apart from Art, which we were studying, we didn’t really have anything else in common so we didn’t keep in touch. Since leaving college I’ve been confused about what kind of career I want, so I’m working with my dad at the moment, therefore I have no work colleagues to attempt to make friends with.

I am really shy but I think my main problem is that I don’t seem to have the same interests as other people my age. I don’t drink, I hate rowdy atmospheres so I don’t go near night clubs or pubs so I don’t really meet any new people.


I've always felt so alone on this topic so it’s such a comfort reading peoples comments here and finding out that I’m not as alone as I thought.

 

[bikubesong]

This goes for everything youre scared of: seek those situations and train again and again till you feel comfortable in the situations. Seek people..

Me I've had friends in years, recently I've started having good friends. (I think. Am I being fooled? )

 

[dicartwright]

I can't really say I have. The one who was my friend through high school rarely speaks to me, we never talk on the phone or see each other. She wouldn't consider asking me out instead of other friends. So no.
And my other friend's so busy we see each other twice a year maybe, he's got a kid and works a lot. He likes me and cares about me, but at the end of the day, it's just me.
That's why I'm so glad I can spend some time here, with people who share what I like the most apart from animals: Mozzer.

 

[echobay]

I suggest not making friends. They are trouble and once they start dying ... Christ it's depressing.

This was so funny, thankyou and possibly the best bit of advice


Thanks to cornelius blaze, troubleluvsme, Scarlet Ibis, hatful, iamkali62, meat is murder19 and WinkWink for all your kind comments and helpful suggestions.

I'm not really unhappy in my friendless status, I have my husband who is truly my best friend. I just thought it would be nice to have a friend to hang out with. As I have been a stay at home mom for 4 years now I haven't had the interaction with workmates and moved to a differnt country within the last couple of years so that has made it more difficult.
I feel confident in myself but shy at the same time, which doesn't seem to make sense.

 

[PregnantForTheLastTime]

This was so funny, thankyou and possibly the best bit of advice


Thanks to cornelius blaze, troubleluvsme, Scarlet Ibis, hatful, iamkali62, meat is murder19 and WinkWink for all your kind comments and helpful suggestions.

I'm not really unhappy in my friendless status, I have my husband who is truly my best friend. I just thought it would be nice to have a friend to hang out with. As I have been a stay at home mom for 4 years now I haven't had the interaction with workmates and moved to a differnt country within the last couple of years so that has made it more difficult.
I feel confident in myself but shy at the same time, which doesn't seem to make sense.

That's the problem when you are a stay at home mom, you make friends with other moms, but sooner or later you get sick of talking about diapers and would prefer more adult conversation. And you may find that the momfriends you had are really not interesting as individual adults. It's been disappointing.

 

[echobay]

Chit chat is useless, and only serves to waste time.


I share this view, although I view myself as a friendly person, I can't really be bothered with chit chat.

Try getting a hobby you genuinely enjoy. The best way to make a friend or someone you can talk to is to find them doing something you genuinely enjoy doing. Try participating in an activity or joining a club. If you have any interests or hobbies then follow them up in a social environment. You may be surprised to find that most of the people there are there for the same reasons you are, and are just as nervous.

And lastly, learn to love yourself. If you can't be alone and be happy with silence and the sound of your own thoughts, then how can you be happy with another person? I mean this seriously. If you don't like who you are, your own company, wit, mental stimulation and being then how do you expect anyone else to like you?

Learn to like yourself, learn confidence through that and the rest will come naturally. Trust me.

Thankyou, you expressed this so perfectly. The thing is, I do feel happy and content with myself. I love my own company and could easily amuse myself all day and night. I just feel that in addition, a friend would just be nice.

 

[troubleluvsme]

That's the problem when you are a stay at home mom, you make friends with other moms, but sooner or later you get sick of talking about diapers and would prefer more adult conversation. And you may find that the momfriends you had are really not interesting as individual adults. It's been disappointing.

Yep....
I stayed home with my kids until they were entered first grade.
It didn't take long to realize that I had nothing in common with any of the other Moms. My kids are older now, and there's a different set of Moms -but that's about it.

 

[echobay]

Yep....
I stayed home with my kids until they were entered first grade.
It didn't take long to realize that I had nothing in common with any of the other Moms. My kids are older now, and there's a different set of Moms -but that's about it.

That's like me, my little one has just started kindergarten. But I don't think I've much in common with the moms. In this town the Dads drink beer and go to hockey, the moms go get their nails done.

 

[IDon'tOweYouAnything23]

I have quite a few 'acquaintances', but only about about 5 or 6 close friends. I find it really hard to talk to people initially, my shyness gets the better of me, I can only really be myself around people I don't know too well when I've had a drink!

Even Someone from school who is now a good friend, said they didn't even know I spoke in the lower years, they just thought I was the moody and brooding type...which is half right! I need to trust people to an extent and see what they are all about before I can feel comfortable being myself around them.

Sometimes, I'm grateful to be around people who don't shut up, 'cos then that means there are no awkward silences, but the on the flip side of that they really begin to annoy me after a while So, I tend to stick with the shy and moody people tbh