How do you and your Mother get on?

[Happy Maudlin]

I didn't speak to my mother since 1998. It's quite sad really, but we just don't get on and never have - I was always the outsider in that house. I started writing to my parents recently, just kind of breezy polite notes saying what I'm up to but I never hear back. Even if I did I don't think I'd want to meet up with them, me and them in the same room just isn't meant to be. I can't understand why some people have children only to act like that towards them. I used to be a mess over it when I was younger but I'm over that now. The only thing that scares me is what will happen when they die - how it will feel, and whether I'll even find out. It was kind of drummed into me from a young age that family is a meaningless concept so I find it easy enough to accept, but it still makes me sad sometimes if I'm honest. But as some of the stories on this thread indicate, there's no point flogging a dead horse just to keep up appearances. My mum reminds me of Ann Robinson in character...which is quite good for a quiz show, but not so much to grow up with.

It's funny because in order to be completely honest with myself and free I have to cut the umbilical cord so to speak and be forced from estrangement from my mummy. My older sister is already not talking to me on a regular basis like she used to and the last conversation was tense. I don't expect joy exuding from her voice to note my presence any time soon. I think it is really sad that you don't speak to your mom but by reading the rest of your reply, it is best you don't. It is the desire within us to have acceptance from our parent's which reflects our need to feel accepted by society at large. If I am an outcast in my own God-damn home (in which I was when I was as a teenage and probably still am) I will be considered outcast elsewhere. And this created some deep-rooted and annoying insecurities. And the prideful keeping up with appearances thing is another issue I face with my mummy. This feeling is inextricable. I don't know how to explain her psychological prejudices against me, but I will find a shrink who will verbalize and manipulate my grievances for me soon.

And this ain't the half of it. I did not even mention her religiosity.

Oh and my mother loves me too. As they all say

 

[Happy Maudlin]

College- Aged adult child still living with their parents = Lack of sympathy and compassion in parents particularly mothers.

Dickipedia entails the unsung role of a dilapidated relationship with your mom.
http://www.dickipedia.org/dick.php?title=Your_mom

 

[McLovin]

For a moment there, I thought the title of this thread was "How do you get on your mother?" Surely, I couldn't have been the only one who'd thought that.

Perhaps I've dismissed Freud too hastily.

 

[Renia]

We have our phases. I always tend to give her another chance. Right now we're doing okay, and I go up to visit her and my brothers every now and then.

She annoys me a lot because she's basically the complete opposite of me. She's very outgoing whereas I'm more...withdrawn? She just talks A LOT. So whenever we're around other people she just talks a lot and I can't get much in.

Like today. She freaking cockblocked me. She's just a natural at that crap. I feel sorry for my brothers, they're gonna have it worse.

 

[Oh my god. it's Robby!]

how do me and mom get on?
wow, I dont know anymore, I mean, she gave up so much for me that I did not ask her to
then when I was older, I gave her so much that she did not ask me for
you'd think that would make us even
and it would, if she just was not so darn sad and depressed whenever I talk to her
I really must hold my tongue now when I talk to her
I mean I do not want to say anything that will hurt her feelings
and seeing her, well, that is even harder now, I still remember

the mother of my childhood she may not look like much to you, but to me, when I was a boy, man, she was the most beautiful woman in the world
now she's really overweight and frowning all the time, its hard for me to endure
mood swings too, she says though that seeing me makes her feel better
so I will make the effort to do that before summer comes I think
oh yeah, and its Monday, I should have called yesterday like I normally do
but hey, I think I will give it another week this time, I can only handle so much of her crying on the phone

 

[Corrissey]

My Mom is one of my best friends. We seem to be on the same wavelength (thinking of eachother) a lot. She's helped me so much in life, her guidance and common sense and her common cents. I consider myself lucky to have such a great relationship with her, even if she does get on my nerves sometimes. Seems a week is as much as we can take together, then it's time for her to go home. She's more controlling than she'd like to admit, hardly ever 'in the wrong' & doesn't take 'criticism' very well...she's a lot like my husband ('there's only one way to do things--their way' ) ...so when we're all together...they're like :boxing: and I'm like

 

[snowfallsoon]

Seems like most of us have complicated relationships with our mothers.
Everything was great until I was 8. I still remember the first day she
punched me in the mouth. Put my tooth right thru my lip. That went
on until I was 17. Never touched my sisters, never did it when my
dad was around. She hated me so much but I didn't now why, still
don't. Oh and EVERY sunday. For hours, dragging me around the
house by my hair, throwing me into walls, whatever. I'd be covered
with bruises, swollen lips, etc. And all the awful things she'd say.
My sisters would sit on the stairs crying. They were younger. When
I was 17 I said "I think I'm too old for this' and she said ok, and never
hit me again. But still the rages and hate. I used to cry myself to sleep,
she just HATED me and I didn't get it. I don't think things got better
until I was almost 30. A few years ago, I asked her why she did it.
She said it was because she was drunk. But that's a lie. So I guess I'll
never know. I just want to know what changed overnight.
My uncle was a Doctor, lost his license since, but I remember finding
a bag of 'samples' in her bureau, xanax, valium, etc etc. I told my dad
but he thought called me a liar. They always thought I was up to
something but I wasn't. Both of my younger sisters are drug addicts.
I don't know. I decided to move on. We get along great now, we're pretty
close...I just wish I knew what happened. What could I have done when I
was 8 that was so bad?

 

[MindlessRuffian]

Seems like most of us have complicated relationships with our mothers.
Everything was great until I was 8. I still remember the first day she
punched me in the mouth. Put my tooth right thru my lip. That went
on until I was 17. Never touched my sisters, never did it when my
dad was around. She hated me so much but I didn't now why, still
don't. Oh and EVERY sunday. For hours, dragging me around the
house by my hair, throwing me into walls, whatever. I'd be covered
with bruises, swollen lips, etc. And all the awful things she'd say.
My sisters would sit on the stairs crying. They were younger. When
I was 17 I said "I think I'm too old for this' and she said ok, and never
hit me again. But still the rages and hate. I used to cry myself to sleep,
she just HATED me and I didn't get it. I don't think things got better
until I was almost 30. A few years ago, I asked her why she did it.
She said it was because she was drunk. But that's a lie. So I guess I'll
never know. I just want to know what changed overnight.
My uncle was a Doctor, lost his license since, but I remember finding
a bag of 'samples' in her bureau, xanax, valium, etc etc. I told my dad
but he thought called me a liar. They always thought I was up to
something but I wasn't. Both of my younger sisters are drug addicts.
I don't know. I decided to move on. We get along great now, we're pretty
close...I just wish I knew what happened. What could I have done when I
was 8 that was so bad?

I'm sorry. That's terrible. My mom was on crack during a bit of my childhood. She spaces out a lot. One time we were in the Burger King drive thru and I kept repeating "I want a Whopper" because I didn't think she had heard me...she sat staring into space. So the last time I said it, "I want a Whop---" she punched me in the nose. Broke it.

I also had to take care of my little sister and brother (She's 4 years younger than me and he's 7 years younger than me). She's just...disappear.

Sometimes people just need a scapegoat, I figure. I'm happy you two are close nowadays.

 

[snowfallsoon]

how do me and mom get on?
wow, I dont know anymore, I mean, she gave up so much for me that I did not ask her to
then when I was older, I gave her so much that she did not ask me for
you'd think that would make us even
and it would, if she just was not so darn sad and depressed whenever I talk to her
I really must hold my tongue now when I talk to her
I mean I do not want to say anything that will hurt her feelings
and seeing her, well, that is even harder now, I still remember

the mother of my childhood she may not look like much to you, but to me, when I was a boy, man, she was the most beautiful woman in the world
now she's really overweight and frowning all the time, its hard for me to endure
mood swings too, she says though that seeing me makes her feel better
so I will make the effort to do that before summer comes I think
oh yeah, and its Monday, I should have called yesterday like I normally do
but hey, I think I will give it another week this time, I can only handle so much of her crying on the phone

Sorry Robbie. That is just heartbreaking. f***ing crushing.

 

[snowfallsoon]

I'm sorry. That's terrible. My mom was on crack during a bit of my childhood. She spaces out a lot. One time we were in the Burger King drive thru and I kept repeating "I want a Whopper" because I didn't think she had heard me...she sat staring into space. So the last time I said it, "I want a Whop---" she punched me in the nose. Broke it.

I also had to take care of my little sister and brother (She's 4 years younger than me and he's 7 years younger than me). She's just...disappear.

Sometimes people just need a scapegoat, I figure. I'm happy you two are close nowadays.

f***. That is terrible....I'm sorry.
Does the term 'parentified child' sound farmiliar?

 

[MindlessRuffian]

f***. That is terrible....I'm sorry.
Does the term 'parentified child' sound farmiliar?

No, I've never heard that before. Is the meaning obvious to the term?

 

[Superhans]

I am the apple of my mother's eye and she loves nothing more than making me a cup of coffee, dinner and doing all my washing up.

 

[Mozza220559]

I had a new baby a few weeks ago, I called my 'estranged' mother and offered to bring him over to meet her, she wanted to 'think about the arrangements' .... she never called me back. Xmas Eve. Great parenting ...

You've done your bit, it's her loss if she doesn't want to be in your life, just enjoy your life with your new baby!

 

[Mozza220559]

My mum's brilliant!

 

[snowfallsoon]

No, I've never heard that before. Is the meaning obvious to the term?

Sort of, the child ends up taking care of younger siblings and the parent..


http://www.drsam.tv/2008/08/15/harming-your-child-by-making-him-your-parent/

 

[MindlessRuffian]

Sort of, the child ends up taking care of younger siblings and the parent..


http://www.drsam.tv/2008/08/15/harming-your-child-by-making-him-your-parent/

yikes

 

[snowfallsoon]

yikes

f*** sorry, I think it's just 'things that are possible', I'm such an idiot, didn't mean to suggest that that's what would happen with you!! I'm really stupid sometimes....

 

[Cassius]

Seems like most of us have complicated relationships with our mothers.
Everything was great until I was 8. I still remember the first day she
punched me in the mouth. Put my tooth right thru my lip. That went
on until I was 17. Never touched my sisters, never did it when my
dad was around. She hated me so much but I didn't now why, still
don't. Oh and EVERY sunday. For hours, dragging me around the
house by my hair, throwing me into walls, whatever. I'd be covered
with bruises, swollen lips, etc. And all the awful things she'd say.
My sisters would sit on the stairs crying. They were younger. When
I was 17 I said "I think I'm too old for this' and she said ok, and never
hit me again. But still the rages and hate. I used to cry myself to sleep,
she just HATED me and I didn't get it. I don't think things got better
until I was almost 30. A few years ago, I asked her why she did it.
She said it was because she was drunk. But that's a lie. So I guess I'll
never know. I just want to know what changed overnight.
My uncle was a Doctor, lost his license since, but I remember finding
a bag of 'samples' in her bureau, xanax, valium, etc etc. I told my dad
but he thought called me a liar. They always thought I was up to
something but I wasn't. Both of my younger sisters are drug addicts.
I don't know. I decided to move on. We get along great now, we're pretty
close...I just wish I knew what happened. What could I have done when I
was 8 that was so bad?

I'm sorry. That's terrible. My mom was on crack during a bit of my childhood. She spaces out a lot. One time we were in the Burger King drive thru and I kept repeating "I want a Whopper" because I didn't think she had heard me...she sat staring into space. So the last time I said it, "I want a Whop---" she punched me in the nose. Broke it.

I also had to take care of my little sister and brother (She's 4 years younger than me and he's 7 years younger than me). She's just...disappear.

Sometimes people just need a scapegoat, I figure. I'm happy you two are close nowadays.

Jesus Christ, that's horrible. I am so sorry you two had to go through that. My mother treated me horribly but she was only ever physical with me a couple of times, and never to the point of breaking anything.

My mother was very mentally abusive. I had an absolutely terrible life until I moved out when I was eighteen (and then I moved in with my almost as terrible grandmother, but that's another story). I thank my fiance for saving my life, because if I had lived with my mother any longer I know I would have killed myself.

 

[MindlessRuffian]

Jesus Christ, that's horrible. I am so sorry you two had to go through that. My mother treated me horribly but she was only ever physical with me a couple of times, and never to the point of breaking anything.

My mother was very mentally abusive. I had an absolutely terrible life until I moved out when I was eighteen (and then I moved in with my almost as terrible grandmother, but that's another story). I thank my fiance for saving my life, because if I had lived with my mother any longer I know I would have killed myself.

I can understand that aspect of it too. My mother would spit words dripping with disdain at me that no 8 year old should have ever heard, let alone been called.

 

[snowfallsoon]

I can understand that aspect of it too. My mother would spit words dripping with disdain at me that no 8 year old should have ever heard, let alone been called.

Yes agreed. I don't think I've ever experienced such hate directed at me at any other time in my life.

At least we turned out to be nice people...

Cassius, glad you're still here.

The thing I don't understand is-don't they KNOW? I know when I say something mean to one of my kids (which really isn't even that mean) and I apologize.
I don't understand how they could not know what they were doing?