hi moz!

Discussion in 'Off-topic' started by rifke, May 5, 2018.

  1. rifke

    rifke queen of the universe

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    hi sweetstuff, what's goin' on? rifke here! maybe you know me? I'm the girl with the nice handwriting. I have nice handwriting right? please say I do. people always say I do. it's my one talent. it's not as good as rimbauds of course but I really feel like it could be if I wanted it to be. recently it was called cherubic.

    anyways, I just wanted to say to you that i've noticed that you're struggling with the press a bit, lately-- through no fault of your own, OF COURSE. well I just wanted to say that if you ever want to give an interview with someone who cares about you as a person, someone who has an innate understanding of the spirit in which things are meant, than I am your man! er... girl, I'm your girl (tee hee...). I promise to ask only the most scintillating questions like: what is your favourite blazer in your collection? (and can I have it?); what do you put on your toast? (and do you hate the smell of toast too?); whats your favourite song from My Fair Lady? (mine is 'the street where you live', and if I knew the street where you live, lovebug, you can be sure that I would walk up and down your street singing that song--or at least humming it, because goodness knows I cant sing). hmmm what else....? what is your favourite colour? has that ever been asked before I wonder? what is your favourite colour, I wonder? oh if only i could know the answer to that! I'm sure MANY people would like to know the answer to that. I'm sure they would like to know the answers to all of these things!

    well if youll excuse me mozzer I must go now because the man downstairs with the face that looks like bloodless veal is cooking something that smells quite purtrid as per usual and I must open a window and fiddle with the vent, maybe put a couple pillows in front of it to try to smother the smell. maybe in a bit ill go down and mutter in a way that is meant to be audible to him about what a lousy old man lives there (he really IS a lousy old man, mozzer. I mean, he NEVER takes out his recycling, and when its windy he just lets it blow all over the lawn and doesn't pick it up. who DOES that?!??!)

    okay, nice chatting. let me know when you're ready to be interviewed, okay?! now, unlike some of my previous offers, this one has no time limit. just whenever you're ready, cause I'm THAT understanding and patient.

    sincerely,
    rifke stern, journalist etc.
     
    Last edited: May 5, 2018
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  2. 001

    001 Guest

    D05611F9-A066-40C6-9C00-89D52B34AF15-279-0000001113413145.jpeg
     
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  3. rifke

    rifke queen of the universe

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    hey! you weren't supposed to move this thread! how is moz supposed to see it NOW?!?!?!
     
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  4. Anonymous

    Anonymous Guest

    I see it Miss Rifke, I'm only just round the corner.
     
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  5. Truth

    Truth Guest

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  6. g23

    g23 Always crashing in the same car

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    Oh Rifke.
    fce4441fa7a3f533f39349f9621bd32a--vintage-food-vintage-ads.jpg
     
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  7. Charlie Cheswick

    Charlie Cheswick Well-Known Member

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    That was the best thing I read all day. Brilliant.
     
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  8. g23

    g23 Always crashing in the same car

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    I have to add about the recycling- the rat bastard trash men are throwing people's recycling around, because China stopped taking America's trash, and so all of us got a notice saying they won't recycle most plastics anymore, and to throw them in the garbage or get a fine. People recycled as normal for a few weeks, but I don't know what happened, because the garbage men stopped and went through people's recycling looking for banned recyclables, and the pricks left the contraband items all up and down the street in front of people's houses on, in, or anywhere around their cans along with an orange note affixed to their recycling. So who does that? Republic services! The asshats!
     
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  9. rifke

    rifke queen of the universe

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    oh so just because I'm trying to help my baby out suddenly I'm a nut? (cute nut by the way!)
    you know, g23, sometimes I think you know nothing about love. this is love, g23. it's what plays through my heart and mind whenever i think of Morrissey all nestled in his domicile:


    "when he mentioned how pippa middleton was a thickwit, he completely done me in
    and my heart went on a journey to the moon, when he said he smelled burning flesh and hoped to god that it was human.."
    <333
     
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  10. rifke

    rifke queen of the universe

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    ill thank you not to read my communications with Morrissey, troll
     
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  11. rifke

    rifke queen of the universe

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    wait... what? china takes Americas trash? does it take canadas?
    that is shocking, g23! I cant believe they were allowed to do that. and telling people to throw out plastic?! gee, I would feel so shameful throwing out plastic. the only time I do that is when I prefer not to wash out a salad dressing bottle or whatever. so, did you have to go and pick up all your recycling?
     
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  12. g23

    g23 Always crashing in the same car

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    They used to! It was disillusioning finding that out, though I shouldn't be too surprised since America's been pulling slimy sneaky evil empire moves
    a lot more than I was led to believe when I was a kid. And no, I wasn't among the ones hassled. I didn't have enough to warrant wheeling the bin out.
     
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  13. g23

    g23 Always crashing in the same car

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    Oh c'mon. You know Morrissey probably sits around farting, snacking, and watching bad television when left to his own devices in his domicile.
    He probably farts on Damon and giggles.
     
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  14. rifke

    rifke queen of the universe

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    yes, yes, it all sounds very cozy!
     
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  15. g23

    g23 Always crashing in the same car

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    And here I thought Vegan Cro would have been the only one over the moon at the thought of being farted on by Morrissey.
     
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  16. CrystalGeezer

    CrystalGeezer My secret's my enzyme.

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    DSM Interactive Laboratory Session in progress...
     
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  17. Pablo Honey

    Pablo Honey Guest

    I hope you are joking.
     
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  18. Charlie Cheswick

    Charlie Cheswick Well-Known Member

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    No, I was roaring. Sometimes you just happen upon something that brightens up your day.
     
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  19. Try Anything Twice

    Try Anything Twice Consultant to the World

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    Hey, Rifke Dear, I have a question for Moz. Is it ok if I post it here, too? Or would you be kind enough to consider including it in your interview that feels inevitable at this point. I think you’re generous that way, so I’m going to go ahead and sincerely hope I’m not stepping on your toes.

    Dear Sir,

    Per your suggestion, I have been spending considerable time in bed lately. And while lounging about in the sheets for which I’ve paid, it occurred to me that you and I probably have very similar specifications for linens. I am a very particular girl and everything I’ve observed about you says you are indeed a very particular boy. I used to have a rule that I would not get in bed for less than a 400 thread count. At least not any bed I planned to linger in. But when I faced spending an entire day in bed, I found that really a nice Egyptian cotton sateen with say a 800-1,000 thread count was in order. No sense chafing on a low quality sheet if one were to choose to squirm around for a bit. I’m sure you must share my view! And do you prefer a duvet and cover? I know I do. Nothing like snuggling down under the weight of a quality comforter (and I am still talking linens.) I also have a small collection of antique French Boutis and they are always lovely to throw top the bed. Somehow I feel you may, too? You see, Sir, there is some urgency to your reply. It is time for me to put together my Spring Bedscape. I must know your feelings so I may make appropriate choices. Diagrams and photos would me most welcome for inspiration and accuracy. Please share your thoughts with Dear Rifke and I can rely on her to pass everything along to me.

    Yours,
    Try Anything Twice
     
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  20. Pablo Honey

    Pablo Honey Guest

    I find it so stupid and the fact that it got 4x funny rating and a few responses is beyond my comprehension.
    But then again, I was never good in engaging in a small talk or something that lacked a substance.
    I am glad you found it useful in some way.
    Cheerio
     
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