Here's a poem, tell me what you think.

[This time I'm nameless]

By no means do I think I'm creative or have anything earth shattering to share,but this is something I just wrote down real quick and personally I just let it flow. I saw some other poems so I thought I'd share 1 also. This isn't a suicidal poem, it's of finally letting feelings out and in the open.

BLUE OBLIVION

Sing free your history
Looking farther into a darker
State of mind

I hear evil chants through the daily
Gamut we call life
Running through this mystery
In slow motion in seems
Never do I Grasp
Never do I hold onto
A little bit of heavan

As I near the end
I see the water closer
I pretend to see it crystal clear
I'm reaching out my hand
To touch the real light
Where I can sing free my history
My misery and let it go into
Blue Oblivion.............

 

[Anon]

Another poem

Friendship,
It's all a big fasad
As long as you don't ask to much
People will still be your friends
Or pretend to be
anyway

 

[slippedin]

there are some sharp words in this poem, make them clear...cut out the unnecessary stuff, in poetry less is always more.

 

[This time I'm nameless]

Re: Another poem

Actually my poem isn't about friendship it's just a general feeling. But I appreciate the response.

> Friendship,
> It's all a big fasad
> As long as you don't ask to much
> People will still be your friends
> Or pretend to be
> anyway

 

[SleepTheClockAround]

> By no means do I think I'm creative or have anything earth
> shattering to share,but this is something I just wrote down real
> quick and personally I just let it flow. I saw some other poems
> so I thought I'd share 1 also. This isn't a suicidal poem, it's
> of finally letting feelings out and in the open.

> BLUE OBLIVION

> Sing free your history
> Looking farther into a darker
> State of mind

> I hear evil chants through the daily
> Gamut we call life
> Running through this mystery
> In slow motion in seems
> Never do I Grasp
> Never do I hold onto
> A little bit of heavan

> As I near the end
> I see the water closer
> I pretend to see it crystal clear
> I'm reaching out my hand
> To touch the real light
> Where I can sing free my history
> My misery and let it go into
> Blue Oblivion.............

It would be ok if i we knew what the hell you were trying to say.

 

[This time I'm nameless]

Well, that's what makes it mine. Not everytime you read poetry do you really know what the writer is saying.You can make assumptions or what fits your own life, but you don't really know.Maybe I should stick to rhyming at the end and it would much easier.

> It would be ok if i we knew what the hell you were trying to
> say.

 

[slippedin]

> Well, that's what makes it mine. Not everytime you read poetry
> do you really know what the writer is saying.You can make
> assumptions or what fits your own life, but you don't really
> know.Maybe I should stick to rhyming at the end and it would
> much easier.

i thought it was really good, i understood the feeling, although the specific images were personal. don't rhyme on purpose, just make sure you are not saying too much. like i said, cut out articles and the word "i" whenever you can.

 

[Oscar the Wilde Poet]

I liked it as well.
Slippedin is right, if you ryhme too much it waters it down. (like Edger Allan Poe's poems)
if a line sounds like it's too much, than it probably is, taking it out it will not ruin the poem.

Keep writing you have potential.

 

[This time I'm nameless]

thanx (i guess) I don't write for approval, actually I never really share my "poems" but I appreciate the responses.Oh by the way I said I would rhyme as a joke for the people that don't understand poems very well.bye.

> I liked it as well.
> Slippedin is right, if you ryhme too much it waters it down.
> (like Edger Allan Poe's poems)
> if a line sounds like it's too much, than it probably is, taking
> it out it will not ruin the poem.

> Keep writing you have potential.