Here`s one for you (an oldie I`m sure)

[Bunker Soldier]

Two men standing at the pearly gates of heaven and waiting to be let in get chatting."How did you die", says one to the other? "Oh, I froze to death", was the reply,"what about you"? "Well,I had a heart attack but the way it happened was strange"."How do you mean?"."Well,for weeks I had been suspecting my wife of having an affair and one day got my self so worked up about it that I rushed home early from work and stormed in the house."I rushed upstairs and found my wife in bed but no man,then downstairs again,then back upstairs"."I searched all over the house but couldnt find anyone""At that moment I suddenly gripped my heart and keeled over and that was it"

The other man who had been listening intently glanced up and said,"if only you had looked in the freezer neither of us would be here now"!

 

[Bunker Soldier]

And another

This man finds an old lamp and when he takes it home to his suprise out pops a genie and grants him 3 wishes.Naturally enough the man asks for much wealth and in an instant the room is filled with money and jewels."What about your second wish",says the genie."I want a beautiful young woman to be my wife,"says the man."No problem" replies the genie and there is a knock at the door.The man goes to open it and in walks a georgeous looking woman."I cant believe this",says the man,"but wait,in order to satisfy her,for my third wish I want to be hung like a black man""Your wish is granted"says the genie and vanishes.

The man looks down but doesnt see his manhood get any bigger.Maybe it takes a a little time he thinks and continues looking and inspecting it.At that moment there is a knock at the door so the man beckons to his new wife to go and see who it is while he is still busy checking for any growth.

A moment or two later his new wife calls out,"I dont know what is going on ,but there are a load of men out here with white sheets over their heads"!

 

[Bunker Soldier]

Last one (no offence intended to Irish people)

This inexperienced Irish fellow visits a prostitute and she suggests they do a 69 for starters."whats a 69"?,he asks."I ll show you" replies the whore and they proceed.A short while into the action because of the excitment and all that, she inadvertantly farts.The Irishman,stops for a moment and then resumes.A minute or two later the same thing happens again.This time he pushes her off and jumps up.

"Whats up" says the whore,"we havent finished yet"...."f*** that" he shouts ."I`m not going through another 67 of those"!

 

[Bunker Soldier]

Excitement ....(for the spelling police)

 

[dazzak]

Why even include the Irishman? Just use a man.

 

[Bunker Soldier]

Yes,see your point,it`s just the way I heard it.