grocery store encounter with Moz

Discussion in 'Fans / Introductions' started by rifke, Oct 12, 2016.

  1. rifke

    rifke queen of the universe

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    ...fan. that is, grocery store encounter with moz fan.

    (hi moz, by the way!! how are youuuuuuuuu, darling man?! good, i hope! excuse me, i have to go address the rabble now. just wanted to say a quick 'hi!')

    *ahem* hello good people of morrissey so-low. i would like now to talk about an encounter with a fellow moz-fan at the grocery store yesterday

    so! as it happened i was walking by the vitamins section with a package of boursin cheese in my hand because it is divinely good (sorry moz; im a lousy person; i will try harder), and the guy working in the vitamin section stopped me and asked what i was making and i said, "um... well..." looking hopelessly at the cheese in my hand because you dont really make anything with boursin cheese, now do you?, i mean, you kind of just spread it on crackers or if you're an emotional mess that day or stoned you might just eat it with a spoon, i have never done that myself, however. and so, to help me out, he said "cheese? cheese on cheese?", and i was like "yep, i guess", with mock friendliness despite being secretly annoyed at such a dumb question. and then he said to me "are you a smiths fan?" at which moment i turned to him like a person possessed and with an enthusiastic intensity that scared even me, said "YES", which utterance was attended by that same gasping intake of breath one employs when one finds something they have been searching for all their lives, like the movie istanbul starring brad dourif for sale at their local video store. i had of course forgotten that i was carrying the "shoplifters of the world unite" tote bag on my person--which i had picked up in dublin, and which i have always felt slightly uncomfortable carrying to the point where i turn the writing side inwards, because 1) wearing fan merchandise is not very sophisticated (edit: not to give the impression that i prefer sophisticated or pricey handbags because i dont: i really am not a bag person at all; which is why i carry my morrissey bag despite feeling a bit silly about it), and 2) i dont want people to not get the reference and think im shoplifting--and because the universe in my head is one where strangers are likely to randomly ask if you're a smiths fan, it took me a moment to realize that's what gave me away, and that it wasnt just some air about my person that gave off smiths fan vibes. once i did realize it, i was able to calm down enough that we were able to have a pretty awkward but not altogether unpleasant chat about the smiths and my sweetums, in which at no point did i make reference to him as my sweetums. the man told me that he had become a vegetarian due to the smiths--making me feel even more doltish for the cheese in my hand; then he said something about how someone had come up to him on the ferry once "when i had taller hair," and knowing what was coming i thought to myself "please dont say it, just dont, please dont" and yet he did: "they said to me 'has anyone ever told you you look like morrissey?'" at which point i groaned inwardly because, although i could sort of see it, one should really not go around offering up comparisons of themselves to the dreamboatiest dreamboat the world has ever known to complete strangers. then the girl he was working with chimed in "yeah, you've sort of got that morrissey stalker thing going on" and, since 85% of most conversations take place in my head, i thought to myself "what the fuck is that, morrissey stalker thing? is a morrissey stalker thing a thing?" anyway, as i was trying to make my escape in the direction of the grapes he said to me in parting "i think im gonna listen to the smiths tonight--while i eat my tofurkey" (yesterday was thanksgiving in canada), and i said "that's a good idea", and then he added "hey i might even shoplift", to which i replied "that's what im doing now"; and then i made a beeline for the grapes, making sure to cut through the bakery on the way back so as never to have to walk past that department ever again.

    so that was nice.
     
    Last edited: Oct 12, 2016
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  2. Quando quando quando

    Quando quando quando Well-Known Member

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    Great story Rifke!
    Laughing my head off and quickly placing it back where it belongs.
    You should do comedy.
    Did you ever consider?
     
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  3. rifke

    rifke queen of the universe

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    oh gerrit, you're really too kind! :o
     
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  4. Quando quando quando

    Quando quando quando Well-Known Member

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    But it is not out of kindness in the first place.
    I meant what I said.
    Kindness in the second place.
     
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  5. rifke

    rifke queen of the universe

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    mwah!
    you should know i am a very earnest person though. i never say anything to be funny! :o
     
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  6. Quando quando quando

    Quando quando quando Well-Known Member

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    I know, very earnest. :p
    And I know how important it is to be earnest. :tiphat:
    My brother and I once had an argument about dear Oscar.
    I said Oscar replied to the question at the customs in the US do you have something to declare, only my genius.
    My brother said no, it was: only my self. :D
     
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  7. rifke

    rifke queen of the universe

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    i'll be honest, im kind of annoyed that oscar said it first. i would've liked to have said that without someone thinking i was just quoting oscar :(
     
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  8. Quando quando quando

    Quando quando quando Well-Known Member

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    Yeah, Moz too.
    He supposedly said: only my jeans. :)
    Or was it genes? :confused:
    True or not, in this case, I don't care.
    It's just a funny story.
     
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  9. rifke

    rifke queen of the universe

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    ohhhhh that moz!:lbf:
     
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  10. Anonymous

    Anonymous Guest

    Utter nutter.
     
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  11. Anonymous

    Anonymous Guest

    I laugh. I enjoy.
     
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  12. Quando quando quando

    Quando quando quando Well-Known Member

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    Pass the butter,
    and the cheese
    It's all vegan,
    just say please. :)
     
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  13. Anonymous

    Anonymous Guest

    Brilliant piece of writing. :)
     
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  14. rifke

    rifke queen of the universe

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    oh my! thank you ever so!
     
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  15. Anonymous

    Anonymous Guest

    :thumbsdown:You must have low standards for brilliant writing. Try Schopenhauer and so many others.
     
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  16. rifke

    rifke queen of the universe

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    schopenhauer, lol.
     
    Last edited: Oct 22, 2016
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  17. AztecCamera

    AztecCamera Well-Known Member

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    Take a walk from Malibu to Zuma during tour breaks and you have a 50% chance you will see your hero.
     
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  18. Clouseau here for small comment. Alors, Merci,

    Comment: very good writing, very good. its a good writing much better than "don quichote in dutch.' :hatchingchick:

    Merci, back to work for the good people
    Clouseau. :policeofficer:
     
  19. rifke

    rifke queen of the universe

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    a 'small' comment did you say?! why, that calls for a magnifying glass! :rightmagnify:

    let's see, now..... ah yes....

    ooooooooooo merci, mon petit!:blushing:
     
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  20. rifke

    rifke queen of the universe

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    if i go to california will you be my tour guide? show me wear to buy the best ball caps and such? maybe introduce me to kiley the intern? then we could all cruise along morrisseys favourite stretch of highway together! maybe eat some spaghetti with nancy? those would be some good times!
     
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