Funniest Morrissey 1 liners


Active Member
My fave one-liner from Morrissey was when talking about "Ouija Board, Ouija Board" and if he had any interest in the occult. He said "the only contact I ever made with the dead was when I spoke to a journalist from The Sun"! :ROFLMAO:

joe frady

Vile Refusenik
Andrew Harrison of "Word" magazine talking to Moz in Los Angeles, April of 2003 ~

AH: They're the teenage Russian lesbians {referring to t.A.T.u, who had recently covered "How Soon Is Now? "}

SPM: Well, aren't we all ?


joe frady

Vile Refusenik
Or, again on t.A.T.u's cover version, from Ben Reardon's interview in "i-D ", July of 2003 ~

"I love it. I like the way they sing 'I am yeoman and I need to be loved'. A yeoman is a small farmer from the 1700s, isn't it? I had no idea that song was all about small farmers."

Clearly, teenage Russian lesbians bring out the best in him...



Well-Known Member
Clearly, teenage Russian lesbians bring out the best in him...
Don't they do that to all of us? :brows:

To answer the question:

There are hundreds but this one really stuck with me:

What’s your personal motto?

Why put off today what you can wiggle out of tomorrow?

(Q, 2001)

Also his description of the original Maladjusted cover:

I’ve got Tony Blair’s hairline and I look as if I’m sat on the lavatory crying my eyes out. Nothing new there, then...

(Mojo, 2004)


New Member
When I met him before a show outside a Venue in 1991, I could only say ‘I never thought I would see you live’ to which he replied ‘neither did I’.


Well-Known Member
I think it’s from a Q Magazine interview:

Whats the first thing you do in the morning?
“Wish I hadn’t”
Oh yes, Q Questionnaire, 1995 - A near infinite source of great one-liners

What do you think of Bob Dylan?

He would've had more fun if he'd been in the New York Dolls.
[He'd also be dead, probably.]

Are you afraid of failure?
My place in the dustbin of history somehow seems assured.

And so on...


rip roaring,free scoring,never boring, celtic.
walking on stage at glastonbury and saying,FANCY SEEING ME HERE.classic.


It was interesting to see ann marie Walters become the head of UKIP


Well-Known Member
In the interview where Morrissey bashes the Cocteau Twins, "they make me vomit on sight..." this happens...

Interviewer: Jeepers, I cry. I seem to have touched a nerve.

Morrissey: It's the way you're sitting.


"Ooo, there's goobers on his bod." - Ted Cruz
How about when he said this in Tiger Beat, July 1988:

Interviewer: "What did you say when you reviewed your contractual arrangements with Sire?

Morrissey: "F-You - pay me."


Well-Known Member
Technically 'off the record' but still very funny and quite revealing:

"In the driveway he asked a favour. He wanted to modify a few of the things he said.
'Please don't have me say anything unpleasant about Coldplay and Radiohead', he said. 'There's no point to it, it just looks silly and mean. They're perfectly good bands, they're just not to my taste.'
You called them Oldplay and Radiodead.
'I know. But I say a lot of things I don't mean.'

And that was something I'd never heard from Morrissey before."

(Word Magazine, 2003)


Well-Known Member
I reckon twat mate fark arse. Last week Sunday brunch at the Sunset Marquis.

Waiter: "Do you want extra avocado on your egg white breakfast sandwich?

California Son: "Yeah dude, there's a reason why I call myself California Son"


from the Ice Age to the dole age
From Autobio - describing his "piano playing" on Death of a Disco Dancer:

Johnny: Do you mind if I re-do it and make it a bit better?
"Yes, I do", said Mrs Mills.
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Well-Known Member
I reckon after dunking on Flea last week during the over 50 LA City Basketball Rec championship inn nnn nnnn nnn n nnn it:

"Dude, I could of played in the NBA"


Well-Known Member
I reckon in 1992 when Anthony Kiedis was daring California Son to ride some narley huge beach break surf at the So-Cal surfing championship that year. I reckon I remember Nancy being so worried about him and him turning to her and saying:

"Don't worry my lil' cannoli, if the Fonz can jump sharks, I can do this"

Gregor Samsa

I straighten up, and my position is one of hope.
When were you the the happiest?
21 May, 1959.
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