jete tes devoirs au feu
I Could Turn U Inside Out
I'd like to get to know some (not all) of you a bit better.
Read this questionnaire, then copy it, delete my answers and put your own in. And post it back in this thread, obviously.
1. Do you like cheese?
Indeed I do like cheese. I could eat Camembert all day long. Bread, cheese and beer was my staple diet for about two years. Incidentally, my extensive research has shown that a wee bit of cheese and bread is the ideal hangover cure, washed down with a cold can of Coke. Of course, it goes without saying that you should take the Coke out of the can before trying to drink it.
2. Do you smoke heroin?
No, I do not. I wouldn't even know where to get it if I wanted to. My mind is delicate enough without introducing hard drugs into the equation.
What kind of questionnaire is this anyway? To go from 'Do you like cheese?' to 'Do you smoke heroin?' is a pretty f***ing big leap.
3. Do you own a gun?
No, I'm just pleased to see you.
4. Your favourite song?
This question comes up all the time in these quizzes, eh? It hasn't changed from the last time – 'There Is A Light That Never Goes Out' by The Smiths is my favourite song, but I have been getting in to Guns N' Roses again recently. Get yourself on that YouTube (which is pronounced as two separate words, by the way) and look for 'Silkworms' by Guns N' Roses.
5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments?
No, I get angry because I know they won't tell me anything I don't know already. Absolute f***ing useless shower of bastards. How about fixing me instead of telling me what's wrong with me? Pricks.
It's even worse if I have to get the bus to the doctor's surgery, because I arrive absolutely fuming. Never mind Post Offices, the government should focus on getting rid of half of all bus stops.
6. What do you think of when you eat hot dogs?
“This is by far my favourite way of eating pig anus.”
7. What's your favourite Christmas song?
I am a Christmas music enthusiast – I have vague recollections of waking my girlfriend up on the 1st of December last year by playing my Christmas CD as soon as I got up. As for my favourite song, 'Last Christmas' by Wham! always sets the mood. Can't beat a bit of George (much as he would want me to..).
8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
Either a pint of milk (semi-skimmed) or a tin of Carlsberg, depending what my plans for the rest of the day are.
9. Can you do push ups?
I actually physically can't because I once hurt my neck and now can't put all my weight on my arms or else they start to shake like a shitting dog.
10. Is your bathroom clean?
I'd like to think so. There's no shit on the walls if that's what you're asking. I'm not a hunger striker.
11.What's your favourite piece of jewellery?
I don't have one. Not since my cock-ring got infected.
12. Favourite Hobby?
J'aime écouter de la musique.
13. What is your secret weapon to lure in the opposite sex?
I actually don't know. I mean, apart from being smart, attractive, funny and caring, I don't really have that much to offer.
14. Do you have A.D.D.?
No, because it doesn't exist. Two words – bad parenting.
15. What one trait do you hate about yourself?
Thinking too much. About everything. All the time.
16. Middle Name?
I don't have one. 'Alias' would be a good one.
17. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment?
1) I need to go into town to buy some blank DVDs.
2) Why is my left elbow so sore?
3) Am I hungry?
18. Name the last 3 things you have bought?
Hmm, let me think... a bottle of Fanta and The Sun today, and a pizza on Sunday night.
19. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink?
Milk, water, any fizzy drink.
20. Current worry right now?
What's going to become of me?
21. Current hate?
Being at home. Because it is amazingly boring.
22. Favourite place to be?
In the sunshine, on a beach, with people I like. Or by myself – I'm not really bothered, as long as it's sunny.
23. How did you bring in the New Year?
I think I just stayed in while everyone else went out, because I don't like large crowds of people. I was in bed by 10.30.
24. Where would you like to go?
Back to the south of France, Australia, Canada and Rome.
25. Name three people who will complete this and return?
No-one will.
26. How many siblings do you have?
Three.
27. Do you own slippers?
Nope. Why bother? What's the worst that can happen walking round the house in just socks? Slippers are just socks with a rubber sole on them anyway.
28. What shirt are you wearing?
One I bought in next the other week – It's a white polo shirt, with blue and green stripes on it and some kind of Japanese writing. I wonder what it says. “This man is incredibly well hung” I'd imagine.
29. What shampoo do you use?
Head & Shoulders. Although, at the end of the day, shampoo is just shampoo. You can buy a litre of Tesco Value shampoo for 37p. Apparently.
30. Favourite colour?
Black. Shockingly.
31. Would you like to be a pirate?
Not full-time, maybe for a day or two.
32. What songs do you sing in the shower?
Whatever the other 5 men in there pissing on me tell me to sing.
33. Favourite girl's name?
Fanny.
34. Favourite boy's name?
Chris.
35. What's in your pockets right now?
Nothing. I don't have much call for keys or cash when I'm in the house. Unless I'm being burgled, of course.
36. Last thing that made you laugh?
I watched that clip of The Sex Pistols on the Bill Grundy Show on YouTube last night. “What a f***in' rotter!”
37. Best bed sheets as a child?
Any that were not covered in piss.
38. Worst injury you've ever had?
Well, I suppose it would have to be when I fell off a big wall and landed on my ass. I could feel my spine compact and couldn't move for 10 seconds. Then when I woke up the next morning I was in absolute agony. And remained so for the next 2 months.
40. How many TVs do you have in your house?
I'm currently at my parents' house so there's one in the living room, one in the kitchen, one in my parents' room, one in my room and one in my sister's room. So that's five, for those of you who can't add.
41. Who is your loudest friend?
Luckily I do not have any loud friends. I would disown them if they were, because loud people are complete assholes.
42. Who is your most silent friend?
The ones I haven't heard from recently, who shall remain nameless.
43. Does someone have a crush on you?
I'd like to think so.
44. Do you wish on shooting stars?
Why in the name of God would I do that? I'm not a f***ing child.
45. What is your favourite book?
English: 'Morrissey; In Conversation', which is a collection of Morrissey interviews from 1984 until 2007 and really is quite funny.
French: I have emotional links to 'L'Etranger', but my favourite is called 'L'Assommoir'.
Chinese: “European Dishes – Sausage supper - £2.70”.
46. What is your favourite sweet?
I'm more of a crisps man, but wouldn't say no to a Mars bar if I was offered one. That's not a euphemism, by the way.
47. What song do/did you want played at your wedding?
'Will Never Marry', by Morrissey (which can be found on the Bona Drag album)
[ “Writing this to say,
In a gentle way,
Thank you, but no.
I will live my life as I
will undoubtedly die;
Alone.” ]
48. What song do you want played at your funeral?
'All You Need Is Me', again by Morrissey.
49. What were you doing 12am this morning?
Sleeping.
50. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up?
What day is it? Am I dead yet? Why not?
Read this questionnaire, then copy it, delete my answers and put your own in. And post it back in this thread, obviously.
1. Do you like cheese?
Indeed I do like cheese. I could eat Camembert all day long. Bread, cheese and beer was my staple diet for about two years. Incidentally, my extensive research has shown that a wee bit of cheese and bread is the ideal hangover cure, washed down with a cold can of Coke. Of course, it goes without saying that you should take the Coke out of the can before trying to drink it.
2. Do you smoke heroin?
No, I do not. I wouldn't even know where to get it if I wanted to. My mind is delicate enough without introducing hard drugs into the equation.
What kind of questionnaire is this anyway? To go from 'Do you like cheese?' to 'Do you smoke heroin?' is a pretty f***ing big leap.
3. Do you own a gun?
No, I'm just pleased to see you.
4. Your favourite song?
This question comes up all the time in these quizzes, eh? It hasn't changed from the last time – 'There Is A Light That Never Goes Out' by The Smiths is my favourite song, but I have been getting in to Guns N' Roses again recently. Get yourself on that YouTube (which is pronounced as two separate words, by the way) and look for 'Silkworms' by Guns N' Roses.
5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments?
No, I get angry because I know they won't tell me anything I don't know already. Absolute f***ing useless shower of bastards. How about fixing me instead of telling me what's wrong with me? Pricks.
It's even worse if I have to get the bus to the doctor's surgery, because I arrive absolutely fuming. Never mind Post Offices, the government should focus on getting rid of half of all bus stops.
6. What do you think of when you eat hot dogs?
“This is by far my favourite way of eating pig anus.”
7. What's your favourite Christmas song?
I am a Christmas music enthusiast – I have vague recollections of waking my girlfriend up on the 1st of December last year by playing my Christmas CD as soon as I got up. As for my favourite song, 'Last Christmas' by Wham! always sets the mood. Can't beat a bit of George (much as he would want me to..).
8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
Either a pint of milk (semi-skimmed) or a tin of Carlsberg, depending what my plans for the rest of the day are.
9. Can you do push ups?
I actually physically can't because I once hurt my neck and now can't put all my weight on my arms or else they start to shake like a shitting dog.
10. Is your bathroom clean?
I'd like to think so. There's no shit on the walls if that's what you're asking. I'm not a hunger striker.
11.What's your favourite piece of jewellery?
I don't have one. Not since my cock-ring got infected.
12. Favourite Hobby?
J'aime écouter de la musique.
13. What is your secret weapon to lure in the opposite sex?
I actually don't know. I mean, apart from being smart, attractive, funny and caring, I don't really have that much to offer.
14. Do you have A.D.D.?
No, because it doesn't exist. Two words – bad parenting.
15. What one trait do you hate about yourself?
Thinking too much. About everything. All the time.
16. Middle Name?
I don't have one. 'Alias' would be a good one.
17. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment?
1) I need to go into town to buy some blank DVDs.
2) Why is my left elbow so sore?
3) Am I hungry?
18. Name the last 3 things you have bought?
Hmm, let me think... a bottle of Fanta and The Sun today, and a pizza on Sunday night.
19. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink?
Milk, water, any fizzy drink.
20. Current worry right now?
What's going to become of me?
21. Current hate?
Being at home. Because it is amazingly boring.
22. Favourite place to be?
In the sunshine, on a beach, with people I like. Or by myself – I'm not really bothered, as long as it's sunny.
23. How did you bring in the New Year?
I think I just stayed in while everyone else went out, because I don't like large crowds of people. I was in bed by 10.30.
24. Where would you like to go?
Back to the south of France, Australia, Canada and Rome.
25. Name three people who will complete this and return?
No-one will.
26. How many siblings do you have?
Three.
27. Do you own slippers?
Nope. Why bother? What's the worst that can happen walking round the house in just socks? Slippers are just socks with a rubber sole on them anyway.
28. What shirt are you wearing?
One I bought in next the other week – It's a white polo shirt, with blue and green stripes on it and some kind of Japanese writing. I wonder what it says. “This man is incredibly well hung” I'd imagine.
29. What shampoo do you use?
Head & Shoulders. Although, at the end of the day, shampoo is just shampoo. You can buy a litre of Tesco Value shampoo for 37p. Apparently.
30. Favourite colour?
Black. Shockingly.
31. Would you like to be a pirate?
Not full-time, maybe for a day or two.
32. What songs do you sing in the shower?
Whatever the other 5 men in there pissing on me tell me to sing.
33. Favourite girl's name?
Fanny.
34. Favourite boy's name?
Chris.
35. What's in your pockets right now?
Nothing. I don't have much call for keys or cash when I'm in the house. Unless I'm being burgled, of course.
36. Last thing that made you laugh?
I watched that clip of The Sex Pistols on the Bill Grundy Show on YouTube last night. “What a f***in' rotter!”
37. Best bed sheets as a child?
Any that were not covered in piss.
38. Worst injury you've ever had?
Well, I suppose it would have to be when I fell off a big wall and landed on my ass. I could feel my spine compact and couldn't move for 10 seconds. Then when I woke up the next morning I was in absolute agony. And remained so for the next 2 months.
40. How many TVs do you have in your house?
I'm currently at my parents' house so there's one in the living room, one in the kitchen, one in my parents' room, one in my room and one in my sister's room. So that's five, for those of you who can't add.
41. Who is your loudest friend?
Luckily I do not have any loud friends. I would disown them if they were, because loud people are complete assholes.
42. Who is your most silent friend?
The ones I haven't heard from recently, who shall remain nameless.
43. Does someone have a crush on you?
I'd like to think so.
44. Do you wish on shooting stars?
Why in the name of God would I do that? I'm not a f***ing child.
45. What is your favourite book?
English: 'Morrissey; In Conversation', which is a collection of Morrissey interviews from 1984 until 2007 and really is quite funny.
French: I have emotional links to 'L'Etranger', but my favourite is called 'L'Assommoir'.
Chinese: “European Dishes – Sausage supper - £2.70”.
46. What is your favourite sweet?
I'm more of a crisps man, but wouldn't say no to a Mars bar if I was offered one. That's not a euphemism, by the way.
47. What song do/did you want played at your wedding?
'Will Never Marry', by Morrissey (which can be found on the Bona Drag album)
[ “Writing this to say,
In a gentle way,
Thank you, but no.
I will live my life as I
will undoubtedly die;
Alone.” ]
48. What song do you want played at your funeral?
'All You Need Is Me', again by Morrissey.
49. What were you doing 12am this morning?
Sleeping.
50. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up?
What day is it? Am I dead yet? Why not?
I'm so lonely....
