Bank Holiday Boredom

Discussion in 'Off-topic archive (read-only)' started by jete tes devoirs au feu, Apr 13, 2009.

  1. jete tes devoirs au feu

    jete tes devoirs au feu I Could Turn U Inside Out

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    What I choose, not to do...
    I'd like to get to know some (not all) of you a bit better.

    Read this questionnaire, then copy it, delete my answers and put your own in. And post it back in this thread, obviously.

    1. Do you like cheese?
    Indeed I do like cheese. I could eat Camembert all day long. Bread, cheese and beer was my staple diet for about two years. Incidentally, my extensive research has shown that a wee bit of cheese and bread is the ideal hangover cure, washed down with a cold can of Coke. Of course, it goes without saying that you should take the Coke out of the can before trying to drink it.

    2. Do you smoke heroin?
    No, I do not. I wouldn't even know where to get it if I wanted to. My mind is delicate enough without introducing hard drugs into the equation.
    What kind of questionnaire is this anyway? To go from 'Do you like cheese?' to 'Do you smoke heroin?' is a pretty fucking big leap.

    3. Do you own a gun?
    No, I'm just pleased to see you.

    4. Your favourite song?
    This question comes up all the time in these quizzes, eh? It hasn't changed from the last time – 'There Is A Light That Never Goes Out' by The Smiths is my favourite song, but I have been getting in to Guns N' Roses again recently. Get yourself on that YouTube (which is pronounced as two separate words, by the way) and look for 'Silkworms' by Guns N' Roses.

    5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments?
    No, I get angry because I know they won't tell me anything I don't know already. Absolute fucking useless shower of bastards. How about fixing me instead of telling me what's wrong with me? Pricks.
    It's even worse if I have to get the bus to the doctor's surgery, because I arrive absolutely fuming. Never mind Post Offices, the government should focus on getting rid of half of all bus stops.

    6. What do you think of when you eat hot dogs?
    “This is by far my favourite way of eating pig anus.”

    7. What's your favourite Christmas song?
    I am a Christmas music enthusiast – I have vague recollections of waking my girlfriend up on the 1st of December last year by playing my Christmas CD as soon as I got up. As for my favourite song, 'Last Christmas' by Wham! always sets the mood. Can't beat a bit of George (much as he would want me to..).

    8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
    Either a pint of milk (semi-skimmed) or a tin of Carlsberg, depending what my plans for the rest of the day are.

    9. Can you do push ups?
    I actually physically can't because I once hurt my neck and now can't put all my weight on my arms or else they start to shake like a shitting dog.

    10. Is your bathroom clean?
    I'd like to think so. There's no shit on the walls if that's what you're asking. I'm not a hunger striker.

    11.What's your favourite piece of jewellery?
    I don't have one. Not since my cock-ring got infected.

    12. Favourite Hobby?
    J'aime écouter de la musique.

    13. What is your secret weapon to lure in the opposite sex?
    I actually don't know. I mean, apart from being smart, attractive, funny and caring, I don't really have that much to offer.

    14. Do you have A.D.D.?
    No, because it doesn't exist. Two words – bad parenting.

    15. What one trait do you hate about yourself?
    Thinking too much. About everything. All the time.

    16. Middle Name?
    I don't have one. 'Alias' would be a good one.

    17. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment?
    1) I need to go into town to buy some blank DVDs.
    2) Why is my left elbow so sore?
    3) Am I hungry?

    18. Name the last 3 things you have bought?
    Hmm, let me think... a bottle of Fanta and The Sun today, and a pizza on Sunday night.

    19. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink?
    Milk, water, any fizzy drink.

    20. Current worry right now?
    What's going to become of me?

    21. Current hate?
    Being at home. Because it is amazingly boring.

    22. Favourite place to be?
    In the sunshine, on a beach, with people I like. Or by myself – I'm not really bothered, as long as it's sunny.

    23. How did you bring in the New Year?
    I think I just stayed in while everyone else went out, because I don't like large crowds of people. I was in bed by 10.30.

    24. Where would you like to go?
    Back to the south of France, Australia, Canada and Rome.

    25. Name three people who will complete this and return?
    No-one will.

    26. How many siblings do you have?
    Three.

    27. Do you own slippers?
    Nope. Why bother? What's the worst that can happen walking round the house in just socks? Slippers are just socks with a rubber sole on them anyway.

    28. What shirt are you wearing?
    One I bought in next the other week – It's a white polo shirt, with blue and green stripes on it and some kind of Japanese writing. I wonder what it says. “This man is incredibly well hung” I'd imagine.

    29. What shampoo do you use?
    Head & Shoulders. Although, at the end of the day, shampoo is just shampoo. You can buy a litre of Tesco Value shampoo for 37p. Apparently.

    30. Favourite colour?
    Black. Shockingly.

    31. Would you like to be a pirate?
    Not full-time, maybe for a day or two.

    32. What songs do you sing in the shower?
    Whatever the other 5 men in there pissing on me tell me to sing.

    33. Favourite girl's name?
    Fanny.

    34. Favourite boy's name?
    Chris.

    35. What's in your pockets right now?
    Nothing. I don't have much call for keys or cash when I'm in the house. Unless I'm being burgled, of course.

    36. Last thing that made you laugh?
    I watched that clip of The Sex Pistols on the Bill Grundy Show on YouTube last night. “What a fuckin' rotter!”

    37. Best bed sheets as a child?
    Any that were not covered in piss.

    38. Worst injury you've ever had?
    Well, I suppose it would have to be when I fell off a big wall and landed on my ass. I could feel my spine compact and couldn't move for 10 seconds. Then when I woke up the next morning I was in absolute agony. And remained so for the next 2 months.

    40. How many TVs do you have in your house?
    I'm currently at my parents' house so there's one in the living room, one in the kitchen, one in my parents' room, one in my room and one in my sister's room. So that's five, for those of you who can't add.

    41. Who is your loudest friend?
    Luckily I do not have any loud friends. I would disown them if they were, because loud people are complete assholes.

    42. Who is your most silent friend?
    The ones I haven't heard from recently, who shall remain nameless.

    43. Does someone have a crush on you?
    I'd like to think so.

    44. Do you wish on shooting stars?
    Why in the name of God would I do that? I'm not a fucking child.

    45. What is your favourite book?
    English: 'Morrissey; In Conversation', which is a collection of Morrissey interviews from 1984 until 2007 and really is quite funny.
    French: I have emotional links to 'L'Etranger', but my favourite is called 'L'Assommoir'.
    Chinese: “European Dishes – Sausage supper - £2.70”.

    46. What is your favourite sweet?
    I'm more of a crisps man, but wouldn't say no to a Mars bar if I was offered one. That's not a euphemism, by the way.

    47. What song do/did you want played at your wedding?
    'Will Never Marry', by Morrissey (which can be found on the Bona Drag album)
    [ “Writing this to say,
    In a gentle way,
    Thank you, but no.
    I will live my life as I
    will undoubtedly die;
    Alone.” ]

    48. What song do you want played at your funeral?
    'All You Need Is Me', again by Morrissey.

    49. What were you doing 12am this morning?
    Sleeping.

    50. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up?
    What day is it? Am I dead yet? Why not?
     
  2. blue jag

    blue jag Banned

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    i found this very funny!:lbf:
     
  3. Superhans

    Superhans Banned

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    Did one of you try and section me?
    Lol, nah...
     
  4. jete tes devoirs au feu

    jete tes devoirs au feu I Could Turn U Inside Out

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    I bow to your superior knowledge - I mean, if anyone around here shows signs of attention deficit disorder....
     
  5. Superhans

    Superhans Banned

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    Did one of you try and section me?
    Ouch! Sick burn, maaaaaaaan.
     
  6. jete tes devoirs au feu

    jete tes devoirs au feu I Could Turn U Inside Out

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    All this pent up sarcasm and bitterness really isn't very attractive. I am starting to dislike you. You seem to have a chip on your shoulder.
     
  7. Superhans

    Superhans Banned

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    Did one of you try and section me?
    I don't particularly care much for the opinion of someone who says things like:

    "11.What's your favourite piece of jewellery?
    I don't have one. Not since my cock-ring got infected."

    But, psychoanalyse me all you like. :)
     
  8. GirlAfraid23

    GirlAfraid23 New Member

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    The coastal town that they forgot to close down
    Please tell me why you have my quote as your sig?!
     
  9. jete tes devoirs au feu

    jete tes devoirs au feu I Could Turn U Inside Out

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    No need to get all defensive, was just expressing my opinion.

    In that bit you quoted, I was making a joke. You just seem to be grumpy and angry all the time. I would say you remind me of Will Self, but you would probably take it as a compliment.
     
  10. bored

    bored Lust a prima vista

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    The (take you for) Granite State
    1. Do you like cheese?
    No! I am friends with the cheese and I don't eat my friends.

    2. Do you smoke heroin?
    Smoking is bad for you. I inject it.

    3. Do you own a gun?
    I live in a Red State. It's a requirement.

    4. Your favourite song?
    Happy Birthday.. but only when sung to me. I love presents.

    5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments?
    I get excited. I love to turn my head an cough.

    6. What do you think of when you eat hot dogs?
    Who thought pig lips could taste so good?

    7. What's your favourite Christmas song?
    Father Christmas by The Kinks. Give us some money!

    8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
    I prefer to drink booze.. because it means I'm on vacation.

    9. Can you do push ups?
    I can. I don't know anyone who can't.

    10. Is your bathroom clean?
    Yes. You could eat off the floor. Of course, you could if it was dirty too. Come try it out.

    11.What's your favourite piece of jewellery?
    My tic tac.

    12. Favourite Hobby?
    Questionairres. They are like sex but without all the fluids.

    13. What is your secret weapon to lure in the opposite sex?
    A penis. Without that the opposite sex would be men and I have no idea how to lure them.

    14. Do you have A.D.D.?
    I'm down with O.P.P.

    15. What one trait do you hate about yourself?
    I'm not a billionaire.

    16. Middle Name?
    Oh wait.. can I answer #15 again?

    17. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment?
    1. That would require multi-threading
    2. I can multi-thread
    3. I'm not multi-threading right now

    18. Name the last 3 things you have bought?
    1. A food thing
    2. A soda pop
    3. Passage through a toll

    19. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink?
    1. Water
    2. G2
    3. Lifeless soda with no caffeine or sugar

    20. Current worry right now?
    Why does it hurt when I pee?

    21. Current hate?
    See #20

    22. Favourite place to be?
    Tiajuana. Sexiest women on the planet.

    23. How did you bring in the New Year?
    Intoxicated.

    24. Where would you like to go?
    Home.

    25. Name three people who will complete this and return?
    bored
    blue jag
    morrissey

    26. How many siblings do you have?
    I haven't had any of them. Gross.

    27. Do you own slippers?
    Yes. It's a very cute childrens book. The plot kind of bores me though.

    28. What shirt are you wearing?
    Something I made from an oriental rug that my dog went potty on. I'm wearing the clean part.

    29. What shampoo do you use?
    You can USE that? I thought that was a decoration in my shower.

    30. Favourite colour?
    The colour of sex.

    31. Would you like to be a pirate?
    There really aren't any cool pirates. There are pirates that say Arrrgh.. there are butt pirates and then there are the Pittsburgh Pirates.. given the options, I'll say no.

    32. What songs do you sing in the shower?
    Broken Hearts are for Assholes

    33. Favourite girl's name?
    Do you want the name of my favourite girl or the girls name that I like the best?

    34. Favourite boy's name?
    See #33

    35. What's in your pockets right now?
    My hands.

    36. Last thing that made you laugh?
    Answer 31.

    37. Best bed sheets as a child?
    The blue ones... no wait.. the green ones.. no.. it was the blue ones.

    38. Worst injury you've ever had?
    The time I wiped out on my skateboard and crushed my nuts. I reached in my pants and could feel a ball out of the sac. Ok, I saw that on TV but it feels like it was me.

    40. How many TVs do you have in your house?
    Right.. like I'm going to tell you than and you'll break in and steal them. Do you want my bank account balance too?

    41. Who is your loudest friend?
    John John. He has the loudest bark.

    42. Who is your most silent friend?
    My mind. It talks and talks and talks and talks but never makes a sound.

    43. Does someone have a crush on you?
    Yeah.. but it's a guy :(

    44. Do you wish on shooting stars?
    I wish on everything. Just because there isn't a song "When You Wish Upon Snap, Crackle, Pop" doesn't mean those wishes are less likely to come to pass.

    45. What is your favourite book?
    The 4 Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz

    46. What is your favourite sweet?
    I like them all. If I don't like them, they aren't sweet.

    47. What song do/did you want played at your wedding?
    Fittingly enough, there was none. However, the divorce was celebrated with "Fight For Your Right (To Party)" by the Beastie Boys

    48. What song do you want played at your funeral?
    I want my family and friends to listen to every song I own at my wake. Then they will know who I was.

    49. What were you doing 12am this morning?
    I was hypnotized. For real.

    50. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up?
    Where is the snooze button?
     
    Last edited: Apr 13, 2009
  11. Superhans

    Superhans Banned

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    Did one of you try and section me?
    Not even the addition of the smilie was able to convey my feelings of the whole conversation to that point? :(

    I'm not grumpy, nor angry. I just think jokes about cocks are pretty rubbish, but maybe that is because I'm over 16 years old.
     
    Last edited: Apr 13, 2009
  12. jete tes devoirs au feu

    jete tes devoirs au feu I Could Turn U Inside Out

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    Look, I'm not trying to start or get into an online war of words. I was just saying you always seem a bit grumpy. And now I have said it, I don't need to any more. So I won't.

    And I'm sorry you don't find cock jokes funny.
     
  13. jete tes devoirs au feu

    jete tes devoirs au feu I Could Turn U Inside Out

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    Not as funny as mine. :lbf:
     
  14. Superhans

    Superhans Banned

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    Please say some more. :( Please just talk to me....anyone. :tears: I'm so lonely....

    So am I. I could join in with all the geezers at the pub if I did.
     
  15. blue jag

    blue jag Banned

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    see what I mean Superhans? Always trying to pick a fight arent you? Or could it be that you are just jealous of a witty thread?
     
  16. jete tes devoirs au feu

    jete tes devoirs au feu I Could Turn U Inside Out

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    Not with that attitude you couldn't, Mister.

    You're trying to be [​IMG] but are coming across like [​IMG]
     
  17. Superhans

    Superhans Banned

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    I'm not the one who thinks cock jokes are funny pal. I leave that to the likes of you, BlueJag and Paul O'Grady.
     
  18. jete tes devoirs au feu

    jete tes devoirs au feu I Could Turn U Inside Out

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    Ha, "pal".... let's not get too familiar. You'll be calling me dude or brother next.
     
  19. Superhans

    Superhans Banned

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    Completly missing the sarcasm that the term 'pal' was laced with. You never experienced anyone using such terms in a condescending manner to somebody before? Maybe my humour is a little too highbrow for you, compadre. You stick to laughing at 'cock' (lol) and dogs 'going potty', I'll stick to finding sarcasm amusing.
     
  20. bored

    bored Lust a prima vista

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    That's because I answered truthfully. The truth is rarely funny.
     
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