Article: David Bret blog - "The Morrissey Solo Forum: You Don't Have To Be Intellectually Challenged

Update (May 29, 11:20 AM PT):

Bret posted a follow-up blog with mostly attacks on personal appearances of fans:

The Morrissey Solo Loony Forum: Chinese Whispers & Kleenex
Posted on Sunday May 29 18:31:00 BST 2011

* For those who actually care about factual details I am 41, not "50-something".

---

David Bret posted the link to his blog post on the Morrissey-solo Facebook page:

The Morrissey Solo Forum: You Don't Have To Be Intellectually Challenged, But It Helps - David Bret's blog
Posted on Saturday May 28 18:38:00 BST 2011

Now let me get one thing straight. Not ALL Morrissey fans are fruit-loops. In my time I have met some very nice ones. Americans, Chinese, French, Australian, doctors, dentists, porn stars. I have even slept with a couple--and they certainly were not vegetarian!

However, the Morrissey Solo Forum has a breed of its own. Like all forums, it is made up of educationally challenged, faceless morons who, unable to cope with the real world and incapable of thinking for themselves, come up with nifty little names such as Not Me Not I, Viva Hate, Dave Jay, and Skylarker--the latter one feckless little bird who should try sky-diving, preferably without a parachute.

Bret made a reference--years ago--to a line from a song, "There are some bad people on the rise," the latter word of which had to be changed to "right" to deter some sort of controversy. For some reason, Skylarker has got his Tampax in a knot and taken great exception to this. First of all, I am deeply shocked that he has read my book (as did 120,000 others, making it sell better than the tome by the Moz-hated Johnny Rogan)--and what shocks me is that Skylarker CAN read.

To this sexless, retarded creature, I am the anti-Christ, the "f***tard", whatever that is supposed to mean. Like I say, the majority of Moz fans are A1 folk. Couldn't wish for a better bunch of people--most of them bright, intellectual, and unreliant of every single word which emits from their great man's mouth.

The forum fans don't eat meat, don't enjoy life much, dream of their idol constantly and masturbate a lot, even though they don't really like sex, and they try to emulate his witticisms.

Where they fail, on every count, is in their quest for normality. So, Mr Skylarker, when you are lambasting someone better than you as a "f***tard". just remember--it takes one to know one. And the next time you wrap your fingers around your digit and jerk away to "You're The One For Me, Fatty", just remember tomorrow will be just another day when you will be just another nobody.

And think about Morrissey, studying you from afar and sniggering--like myself--all the way to the bank.

---

Related forum post:

• Question about Interesting Drug video

 

[Anonymous]

Re: Article: David Bret blog - "The Morrissey Solo Forum: You Don't Have To Be Intell

Why are people reacting in such a sanctimonious fashion to the horror of Bret attacking people's physical appearances..? Look at the extremely personal attacks on "Freeyourself" which originate from this site (yes, we know who you are).

I love the smell of hypocrisy in the morning.

You make a good point, although, in fairness, Paul looks ridiculous on purpose, so he does kinda deserve it - I mean, look at the state of him.

 

[Anonymous]

Re: Article: David Bret blog - "The Morrissey Solo Forum: You Don't Have To Be Intell

You make a good point, although, in fairness, Paul looks ridiculous on purpose, so he does kinda deserve it - I mean, look at the state of him.

Hahahaha, HERE WE GO!

Paul, you gonna let them talk to you like that?

Bahahahaha

 

[Anonymous]

Re: Article: David Bret blog - "The Morrissey Solo Forum: You Don't Have To Be Intell

Hahahaha, HERE WE GO!

Paul, you gonna let them talk to you like that?

Bahahahaha

I sure hope not! I'm hoping he'll try to physically threaten me on the Internet and speak like Morrissey all at the same time. He's really good at that. It's frightening!

 

[Anonymous]

I'll tell you about some "bad people on the rise." Today, around 1:13 pm, while driving east on Poway Rd., a motorist in a purple Honda CRV, license plate 3BW548, wanted to pass me even though I was driving fast enough and did not have enough space in front of me for him to cut in. But he did it anyway and I honked at him. So he flipped his middle finger out the window and flashed his cigarette. Then he turned left on Pomerado Road without signalling (Moz thinks that people "forget to indicate," no, they just think the vehicle code doesn't apply to them.) This d-bag is a jerk-off, but I don't propose to know how many times a day he pleasures himself.

 

[Anonymous]

Re: Article: David Bret blog - "The Morrissey Solo Forum: You Don't Have To Be Intell

Here today, gone tomorrow.

K

Hi Kate! I've thought about you every time I've wanked since we lost touch

I misses you, baybeh!

xoxo,
T

 

[Anonymous]

Re: Article: David Bret blog - "The Morrissey Solo Forum: You Don't Have To Be Intell

Hi Kate! I've thought about you every time I've wanked since we lost touch

I misses you, baybeh!

xoxo,
T

Hi

I remember that you ejaculated. It was awesome. Did you know that I started listening to Eminem recently? Two weeks ago approximately. Night and day.

Chat room legends.

Forever

K

 

[Anonymous]

Re: Article: David Bret blog - "The Morrissey Solo Forum: You Don't Have To Be Intell

I'll tell you about some "bad people on the rise." Today, around 1:13 pm, while driving east on Poway Rd., a motorist in a purple Honda CRV, license plate 3BW548, wanted to pass me even though I was driving fast enough and did not have enough space in front of me for him to cut in. But he did it anyway and I honked at him. So he flipped his middle finger out the window and flashed his cigarette. Then he turned left on Pomerado Road without signalling (Moz thinks that people "forget to indicate," no, they just think the vehicle code doesn't apply to them.) This d-bag is a jerk-off, but I don't propose to know how many times a day he pleasures himself.

Funniest thing I've read on this site in ages. LOL

 

[Cornflakes]

Bret, your time would be better spent explaining why exactly your musings are not f***tarded.

Obviously, there is nothing even slightly controversial about the phrase "There are some bad people on the rise", and only a f***tard would imagine it needed to be changed in order to avoid offending someone.

And "A gay I lay awake"? I have complete respect for people who can't hear properly. But since I have no respect for you, I can only assume that your hearing is fine and that you are in fact a f***tard.

Your observations that some Morrissey fans may be short or even possibly Chinese are amusing in no sort of way whatsoever, but that doesn't stop you being a f***tard.

Also, 120K??? f*** off, do you think I was born yesterday?

 

[anonymous]

Haha, i like how he mentions me where i was sticking up for him.

This is f***ing hilarious though, keep it up.

The stuff about tseng and wong just cracks me up.

Ian/moby/mozzerian xx

 

[Anonymous]

Ok, so i supported his stance until he attacked me, but it's just too easy, heres a photo of the spawn of Freddie Krueger, you can't deny it it. He's a fugly looking runt and no mistake. I normally have liberal tastes in my homo ness but this is taking the f***ing biscuit, enjoy.

http://www.google.co.uk/imgres?imgu...&ndsp=12&ved=1t:429,r:11,s:14&biw=853&bih=395

 

[Anonymous]

Re: Article: David Bret blog - "The Morrissey Solo Forum: You Don't Have To Be Intell

Hi

I remember that you ejaculated. It was awesome. Did you know that I started listening to Eminem recently? Two weeks ago approximately. Night and day.

Chat room legends.

Forever

K

You're right, it was pretty awesome. It hasn't been that awesome since we stopped talking Do you still want to swallow me or has your love for me diminished in the subsequent months? Again, I lay awake... sigh.

xoxo,
Taoster

 

[Currer Bell]

Re: Article: David Bret blog - "The Morrissey Solo Forum: You Don't Have To Be Intell

Maybe his penis is small enough to shag a fruitloop but even that should be illegal.

Urban from Sweden (not politically correct nor in need of a job)

This is the first time that I've laughed my ass off in the past week.

Now, I don't come here as much as I should, and I even forgot Mighty Mo's birthday (round of "hrumphs!" and "for shame!" in my direction....but just like the Shawshank Redemption, sometimes you lose all track of time in a place like this), but is that blog serious? Is that really David Bret writing all of that? It sounds like a troll. If David and Russ and company are just minding their own business in all of this, then why the personal attacks? It's not like nobody has ever criticized what David Bret has written before. He's been a running joke for well over a decade.

 

[Uncleskinny]

Interesting. He titles a piece about David Tseng, Winnie Wong and Russ Seekatz "Chinese whispers and Kleenex". See what he did there? Chinese. Geddit? Oh my sides. But wait, what's this from the front page of his own website..."Bret is a vociferous opponent of racism, anti-Semitism, homophobia, and all manner of ethnic prejudice.". Whoops!

 

[Buzzetta]

Re: Article: David Bret blog - "The Morrissey Solo Forum: You Don't Have To Be Intell

I would like to take credit for the introduction of sliced bread and zebras to the world. You're welcome.

That was you?!?!?!? I love me some bread. I love me some Zebra. Put them together with some pineapple mango red pepper BBQ sauce and we are really in business.

 

[Anonymous]

David Bret implies that he has "hung out" with Morrissey and his band. In truth he snuck his way into an aftershow at the London Palladium in March 1995 where he mumbled a few words to some of Morrissey's musicians and then quoted them as "interviews" in his book.

It is also interesting that Bret should take such pleasure in attacking people for their ugliness. You can find Bret at 4.55 on this clip http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cVXWGI6r95I - where it is plainly obvious that this is a man with a face like a dripping candle and the eyes of a freshly cudgelled pike.

His attacks on David Tseng and the forums of this site demonstrate his childish inability to take criticism and a disturbing if not laughable sense of self-importance. He even uses the fact that "they don't eat meat" as a negative. I can only hope that Bret chokes on his next pepperami as he waits for the next Hollywood corpse to turn cold so he can shit out a cut-and-paste biography less than 24 hours later.

What a truly hideous man.

x

 

[Anonymous]

Re: Article: David Bret blog - "The Morrissey Solo Forum: You Don't Have To Be Intell

David Bret implies that he has "hung out" with Morrissey and his band. In truth he snuck his way into an aftershow at the London Palladium in March 1995 where he mumbled a few words to some of Morrissey's musicians and then quoted them as "interviews" in his book.

It is also interesting that Bret should take such pleasure in attacking people for their ugliness. You can find Bret at 4.55 on this clip http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cVXWGI6r95I - where it is plainly obvious that this is a man with a face like a dripping candle and the eyes of a freshly cudgelled pike.

His attacks on David Tseng and the forums of this site demonstrate his childish inability to take criticism and a disturbing if not laughable sense of self-importance. He even uses the fact that "they don't eat meat" as a negative. I can only hope that Bret chokes on his next pepperami as he waits for the next Hollywood corpse to turn cold so he can shit out a cut-and-paste biography less than 24 hours later.

What a truly hideous man.

x

I'm still not sure what this site is for anymore. If the guy was having a go at Moz then sure, tear it up on the forums. But he's having a pop at some of the people/disciples/obsessives/uberfans/headboys on here, who's nasty side is revealed as soon as someone picks up on their little idiosyncracies. We are here for Moz and The Smiths, not the individuals who strut around like they own the place.
Not defending the guy, doesn't sound like a nice person, but for goodness sakes people, what a way to show your true colours.
Hit his blog if you wanna get back at him, not here. Yes you know more about Moz than he does, yes you can spell, yes he's not the best looking guy in the world, but tell him that, not us.
Bunch a show-offs round here.

 

[Uncleskinny]

Re: Article: David Bret blog - "The Morrissey Solo Forum: You Don't Have To Be Intell

I'm still not sure what this site is for anymore. If the guy was having a go at Moz then sure, tear it up on the forums. But he's having a pop at some of the people/disciples/obsessives/uberfans/headboys on here, who's nasty side is revealed as soon as someone picks up on their little idiosyncracies. We are here for Moz and The Smiths, not the individuals who strut around like they own the place.
Not defending the guy, doesn't sound like a nice person, but for goodness sakes people, what a way to show your true colours.
Hit his blog if you wanna get back at him, not here. Yes you know more about Moz than he does, yes you can spell, yes he's not the best looking guy in the world, but tell him that, not us.
Bunch a show-offs round here.

Yes, but his blog is his, and is not public, so those wishing to challenge what he says can do it here, rather than there, where it is impossible to do so.

 

[Anonymous]

Send him an email then, an email you dont repeat verbatim here. This is boring, its private beef (sic)

 

[Dave2006]

Re: Article: David Bret blog - "The Morrissey Solo Forum: You Don't Have To Be Intell

I thought I'd give this thread a wide steer - online insults don't do anyone justice. Like UncleSkinny I thought the headline about Chinese whispers was too close to the bone... His justification for such a byline was that 'a few years back' he hung out with some roadies who took the piss out of someone - well, call the NME and hold the front page, apparently some roadies aren't very nice. I've also hear that some of them aren't very bright.

I had to Google Russ Seekatz (sorry Russ, never heard of you) the first listing was on Amazon, first edition of a Moz fanzine written by David Tseng and Russ Seekatz - yours for £26.55. Now find Bret on Amazon and you can buy anyone of his books for less than 70p.

I bought scandal and passion years ago, it's still on a book shelf with a bookmark at page 10 - I never got any further with it, utter drivel.

You silly old man, you're making a fool of yourself, so get off the stage.

Dave

 

[Anonymous]

Re: Article: David Bret blog - "The Morrissey Solo Forum: You Don't Have To Be Intell

I'm still not sure what this site is for anymore. If the guy was having a go at Moz then sure, tear it up on the forums. But he's having a pop at some of the people/disciples/obsessives/uberfans/headboys on here, who's nasty side is revealed as soon as someone picks up on their little idiosyncracies. We are here for Moz and The Smiths, not the individuals who strut around like they own the place.
Not defending the guy, doesn't sound like a nice person, but for goodness sakes people, what a way to show your true colours.
Hit his blog if you wanna get back at him, not here. Yes you know more about Moz than he does, yes you can spell, yes he's not the best looking guy in the world, but tell him that, not us.
Bunch a show-offs round here.

The site is for Morrissey and the people/disciples/obsessives/uberfans/headboys have a spot on idea of what Morrissey is like and about, which is why they admire him so much, because he is like them. He validates them with every concert and every message. Flax for example has shit on people for numerous years now. I looked at another person's posts, whom I found very interesting, only to discover that this person had been in a major argument with him before about exactly what he goes on and on and on about. Morrissey knows exactly what Flax is doing here and gave him two full shirts during his 2009 spring tour. They are so full of themselves and are not banned, because they and David and the moderators of this website know this. Morrissey also knows full well the fakeness of somebody like Scralet Ibis and he gave her a signature saying "I am human and I need to be loved". Dislike them and you dislike Morrissey. Welcome to reality.