Article: David Bret blog - "The Morrissey Solo Forum: You Don't Have To Be Intellectually Challenged

Update (May 29, 11:20 AM PT):

Bret posted a follow-up blog with mostly attacks on personal appearances of fans:

The Morrissey Solo Loony Forum: Chinese Whispers & Kleenex
Posted on Sunday May 29 18:31:00 BST 2011

* For those who actually care about factual details I am 41, not "50-something".


David Bret posted the link to his blog post on the Morrissey-solo Facebook page:

The Morrissey Solo Forum: You Don't Have To Be Intellectually Challenged, But It Helps - David Bret's blog
Posted on Saturday May 28 18:38:00 BST 2011

Now let me get one thing straight. Not ALL Morrissey fans are fruit-loops. In my time I have met some very nice ones. Americans, Chinese, French, Australian, doctors, dentists, porn stars. I have even slept with a couple--and they certainly were not vegetarian!

However, the Morrissey Solo Forum has a breed of its own. Like all forums, it is made up of educationally challenged, faceless morons who, unable to cope with the real world and incapable of thinking for themselves, come up with nifty little names such as Not Me Not I, Viva Hate, Dave Jay, and Skylarker--the latter one feckless little bird who should try sky-diving, preferably without a parachute.

Bret made a reference--years ago--to a line from a song, "There are some bad people on the rise," the latter word of which had to be changed to "right" to deter some sort of controversy. For some reason, Skylarker has got his Tampax in a knot and taken great exception to this. First of all, I am deeply shocked that he has read my book (as did 120,000 others, making it sell better than the tome by the Moz-hated Johnny Rogan)--and what shocks me is that Skylarker CAN read.

To this sexless, retarded creature, I am the anti-Christ, the "fucktard", whatever that is supposed to mean. Like I say, the majority of Moz fans are A1 folk. Couldn't wish for a better bunch of people--most of them bright, intellectual, and unreliant of every single word which emits from their great man's mouth.

The forum fans don't eat meat, don't enjoy life much, dream of their idol constantly and masturbate a lot, even though they don't really like sex, and they try to emulate his witticisms.

Where they fail, on every count, is in their quest for normality. So, Mr Skylarker, when you are lambasting someone better than you as a "fucktard". just remember--it takes one to know one. And the next time you wrap your fingers around your digit and jerk away to "You're The One For Me, Fatty", just remember tomorrow will be just another day when you will be just another nobody.

And think about Morrissey, studying you from afar and sniggering--like myself--all the way to the bank.


Related forum post:
 
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Comments

Hey Mr Bret. I'm not normally one to wade in like this, but you, Sir, are a tool. Someone called you names and you don't like it. Well boo-hoo. And you've slept with a couple of the denizens and they 'certainly weren't vegetarian' - oh my stars - la persiflage - what a wit. What did they do? Oh my.

Get bent.
 
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"Bret made a reference--years ago--to a line from a song".

Did he? In the third person?

"So, Mr Skylarker, when you are lambasting someone better than you as a "fucktard". just remember--it takes one to know one. "

Does that mean Skylarker is a poorer specimen than you or just the same because 'it takes one to know one'?

I don't know. Perhaps tonight 'A gay, I lay awake' and ponder whatever could you mean.
 
A
Wow. People read your book, notice several glaring factual errors, and express their disappointment in the quality of you work.
Your extreme over-reaction (a full page of blog rage?) makes me think that maybe you are as embarrassed as you should be.
 
S
"And think about Morrissey, studying you from afar and sniggering--like myself--all the way to the bank."

...Except Morrissey wouldn't write a blog about me and Viva, ya fucktard!

Plus I'm cute and you look like a dead parrot!

Skylarker passes to Viva, Viva shoots, and...YES! It's Morrissey-Solo FTW!

We rule!

Nice work, guys.

 
Taking playground fighting to the extreme, what a childish reaction from someone that I would assume is supposedly a 'somebody' - unlike the 'nobodies'. Well, why would one argue with a 'nobody'? Why would one fritter away their precious time to throw a barrage of abuse at a 'nobody' who masturbates the days away?

Insecurity, perhaps?

To make such glaring and multiple errors within your work and to then get your knickers in a twist when devoted fans pick up on these errors, well it is very silly indeed.

Mr Bret, sir, you have lost any ounce of credibility that you might ever have had.

Yours, 'nobody'.
 
Ugh, really David Brett?

I was one of the 120,000 intellectually challenged people that bought Landscapes of the Mind--retail, at an import price, I might add.

I'm not sure what the deal is with you being called a "fucktard" but after I bought your book in 1994, I read it, and I have to say, it wasn't very good. Not very good at all. It was filled with speculation, factual errors, misspellings, and poor grammar. You stole quotes without sourcing them and I won't even get into the grainy photography. It's as if you didn't even work with an editor.

As a 10-plus-year member of the Morrissey-Solo forums, I sir, bid you to fuck off. Fuck off until you can write a book about Morrissey or the Smiths with substance. Until then, expect the readers of this forum to call you on your shit when you get your subject matter wrong.
 
Re: Article: David Bret blog - "The Morrissey Solo Forum: You Don't Have To Be Intell

I'm offended in the strongest terms.

How dare he say we're not all fruit loops? The nerve of the man!

Now if you don't mind me, I've got a pink turtle to catch.
 
S
Plus, if I was gonna jerk it to a Moz song it totally wouldn't be Fatty.

It would be Reader Meet Author!

Hells yeah!

 
G
No harm for someone with a public profile to state the obvious, even if it is a reaction to a perceived personal slight, and to a limited cohort of users, and especially as, in having noticed, he must be one of us too. :D
 
Re: Article: David Bret blog - "The Morrissey Solo Forum: You Don't Have To Be Intell

No harm for someone with a public profile to state the obvious, even if it is a reaction to a perceived personal slight, and to a limited cohort of users, and especially as, in having noticed, he must be one of us too. :D
charmer
 
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Hahaha this made me laugh as he more or less view the forum and the people there the way I do. I have not been reading the forums much but enough to realise it is a very sad place with very sad people. I prefer the direct debates in the chatroom myself.
This was very fun reading and I was already in a good mood despite Man United losing the CL final which was the most expected result of all time. The fact that the majority if forum members hate United makes me wanna give Bret the thumbs up BUT it is always a bit scary for a fat bloke to have a go at people no matter how clever it is. Chin up Bret, all 6 of them!

Urban in Sweden (chatroom legend since nineteen ninety hate)
 
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Re: Article: David Bret blog - "The Morrissey Solo Forum: You Don't Have To Be Intell

Dear David Bitch (Biyatch),

What the fuck? Imagination activated. I have something to say being the intellectually challenged, she was nobody's nothing that I am because I am that fan but I don‘t write on the forums, but I‘m just another nobody's nothing with whom Morrissey and yourself are laughing at as the pair of you slid through my fingers and are studying “us” while you are on your way, ways to the bank, and by the way I don’t m---------, cuz that’s disgusting. Mike Joyce aka Mike Gross is disgusting.

You don’t know what you are talking about. Recently a little birdie comparable to Eminem said Yeah I’m just a mean cocksucker. It’s funny. Mike Joyce aka Mike Gross is disgusting.

Here today, gone tomorrow.

K
 
Re: Article: David Bret blog - "The Morrissey Solo Forum: You Don't Have To Be Intell

Hang on a second, David Bret strung a couple of hundred words togehter without throwing in random French words and phrases unneccesarily! Stop the presses! :eek:
 
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He's right though about one thing. I do masturbate a helluva lot :)
 
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A couple of those people he mentioned are tools anyway regardless of this latest event.
 

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