Sorry Mr Collins, forgot to say something vaguely important.
("oh now it's coming" indeed!
)
I'm actually super glad you're here because for 17 years (amusing coincidence) I've been looking for a journalist to speak to. Not been looking very hard, I'll admit it, but, I thought, journalists, it's THEIR job to look for things, not yours, so you know, I thought, might as well take it easy.
Well turns out I was completely wrong. Journalists don't investigate and put two and two together, as I thought they did. No no. it's nothing like that. Journalists, and music journalists in particular, and British music journalists if we want to be even more specific, all they do, is sit all day on what they think they know is the truth, or, on what they've decided is the truth, and keep that warm under their arses while the truth is out there and goes about its business, takes trains in and out of countries, without ever being stopped and questioned by any of your colleagues.
If journalists had a genuine interest in Morrissey, they would have researched things a bit more. Then, this little Cat and Mouse game would have become really interesting. Instead, it's like "the Mousetrap" by Agatha Christie, not exactly news. (Not that I have seen the Mousetrap- is it any good? but I digress).
See you had ammunition lying about doing nothing that could have taken this "Foreigners in England" issue to an interesting and amusing new level. The whole "Foreign" theme was like a goldmine, but you never bothered digging, none of you. You could have come up with interesting, challenging questions, opened a whole new perspective on things.
But no. For 17 years, noone ever asked a question to Morrissey about that. And yet, there is a foreigner allright, and a foreigner it is, more foreign than a Pakistanese living in England in a way,and complete with foreign accent as well. So a real foreigner, that could throw away England just by taking the Eurostar.
So...why none of you used that ammunition? Morrissey has been handing it to you for seventeen years, in his inimitable subtle way. How come none of you ever saw it?
Is it because, as the little shop around the corner once put it, you all belong to a shoegazing nation?
Is it because, a great British Icon like Morrissey has nothing to do with them foreigners?
Were you blind? Were you in denial? Did you just not pay attention? Were your seat and your prejudice about Morrissey too comfy to ever stand up to look for the truth?
All these questions are highly amusing to me. You lot just have no idea of the irony of the situation. Morrissey fans may not be "all the same", but Morrissey-obsessed journalists, and authors, well, they are. To me.
So anyway, now you can go back to sitting on your arses. If you wait for Morrissey to spill the beans about foreigners, you'll wait a long time.
And, as you never asked anyone else, well, all we can do really, is laugh at you.
If you wanted to embarrass him on the subject of "foreigners", you really didn't have to look very far...
What would have been interesting would have been to interview a Foreigner on the subject of racism, xenophobia, skinheads, lemon curd at the same time as Morrissey. Would have been a right giggle, that, no? A "Foreigner vs Morrissey" interview? I'm sure Foreigners can come up with as many silly ideas as Morrissey! Aaaah...You should have tried them. The fun! the controversy! The wit you would have witnessed! Instead of that self-righteous shitty piece of journalism you came up with...
Only God knows why no journalist ever had the idea of putting a foreigner and Morrissey in the same room at the same time? (Oh no, it's not a real question! Go back to sleep and dream of... Kylie Minogue. Forget you ever saw that comment. It doesn't exist. Oops! Look, magic, it's gone! "Journalists, your eyelids are heavyyyyyy...")
signed/
The last Truly Foreign person you'll ever...never...Want to know.