Enough! or Too much
A controversial diva
Exclusive interview to !VIVAHATE!
Exclusive interview to !VIVAHATE!
Hello, Vivian [Vivahate], how long have you been a member of the Morrissey-solo forum?
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I have been a member of these, the Morrissey forums, since May 2006.
You were born as a male, but you currently identify yourself as a woman. How do you feel about that issue?
I was raised a Christian Conservative so, naturally, it is ingrained in me to view this issue adversely. I’ve softened on it over time and while still thinking it isn’t normal, I find it best just to mind my own business and let people be happy in their own way. I don’t lend support to either side, though.
What do you expect from your somehow new female identity? What is the most exciting thing about it?
I honestly don’t expect anything other than just feeling comfortable with myself. I’m quite aware that eventually this is going to be harmful to me in ways foreseen and unforeseen. I’ve never felt secure with myself and it is my hope that I can prolong the confidence I’ve been feeling and somehow find happiness. Other than that, the other exciting aspect is that I can get away with wearing pink and purple now...and possibly sneak into a Morrissey concert on the next tour of America.
You mentioned in a post that you are seeing someone, and your former girlfriend is a member of the forum too. How does it feel to have a new relationship right now that you identify as a woman?
It honestly doesn’t feel any different for me. The relationship works in a similar way as my others have...I’ve noticed I’m generally the more emotionally mature, rational, stable figure that nurtures and comforts a slightly untamed younger partner. I’m happy to be in this one though because this is the first time I’m in an actual extended relationship with someone that is more sexually compatible with me. Ultimately, I know this one won’t work out because we have different ideas of how things should work but I’m going to enjoy it while it lasts.
You mentioned that you were raised as a Christian conservative and you are often conservative when it comes to politics. Do you think your views on politics and religion may change considering that transgenderism is probably the least popular thing among conservatives?
No. Not at all. This is mostly just a superficial change for me and luckily it is one I can hide if I so choose. I will always be fiscally conservative and for most of the “moral” issues I have a conservative lean. I wouldn’t say transgenderism is nearly the least popular thing among conservatives. I’d say gun control and abortion has always taken that spot and always will. Political correctness is inching up there too. I don’t think most conservative people mind minority groups having equal rights but there does come a point where one person’s rights will ultimately infringe in some way on another’s and what do you do? With issues like this, again, I feel people should just mind their own business. I didn’t always have this view though. As far as religion goes, I haven’t practiced any kind of religion in about 15 years. I don’t particularly believe it and never fully did. However, I don’t have all the answers and could be wrong so I’m not going to say it is all a lie. With that said, if it is real, I’m definitely going to Hell now. Lol.
You are obviously a Morrissey enthuasiast, what attracted you to his music?
Nothing terribly cliche about loneliness or being an outsider or anything! The first Morrissey related album I heard was ‘Meat Is Murder’. It was one of my father’s favorite albums and he played it for me at a very young age and I’ve been listening ever since. Honestly, though, it was initially Marr’s songwriting and guitar playing that got me into the Smiths. My appreciation for Morrissey came later and if I’m honest, Morrissey to me has always been the weakest aspect of The Smiths and his solo career...until the arrival of Jesse Tobias, that is. I love his persona, I love his voice, I love his range...he ultimately lets me down lyrically sometimes. I’ll always admire and respect him in spite of him banning me from his concerts...but he’s just such a disappointment. He can do better and I feel I deserve better.
Well, that's a very unconventional point of view. I mean thinking that Morrissey was the weakest aspect of The Smiths. You have spoken about the fantasy of sneaking into a Morrissey concert with your new female identity. How were you informed that you were banned from his concerts? Which events or situations made you get banned from going to a Morrissey concert?
I was approached by security before the show started and I was asked to leave the venue. I really have no idea what specifically may have caused me to be banned. I’m sure it was a cumulative thing...if I had to make a guess, going on about Morrissey having AIDS for years didn’t help. There was a member here that sent names and pictures to management so that also is directly responsible for my ban.
I get it. Probably trolling Morrissey is the main reason. Do you regret it?
Anyway, the public seems to be obsessed with your sexuality, so I have a question before going to the infamous act of self-censorship that made everyone get curious.
You identify as a woman, but you also talk quite often about your penis and in some posts you suggest that you have no plans of getting rid of it. The obvious conclusion is that you consider that having a penis is not really an obstacle to experience sexuality as a female, so: how does that work for you? How do you experience your love life as a female?
No. I regret nothing.
I experience it the same way any man or woman experiences it. I just don’t have a vagina. Depending on the person, I do everything a man does and/or I do everything a woman does. In my current relationship, I’m dominant. That isn’t always my preference though. So, there you go.
Well, that's actually interesting, because you go beyond the genital definition of what it means to be a woman and you are very open about it.
So... You wrote something that involved your former girlfriend and then you deleted it (which made some people get curious about it). What kind of relationship do you have with her nowadays? She seems to be supportive of your decision to identify yourself as a female publicly. Do you sometimes get a bit worried about what someone else may think? Did your concern about what someone else may think stop you from taking this step earlier in your life?
I don’t have a relationship with her these days. What you see on the forum is the extent of it.
Absolutely, I’m concerned about what certain people will think. There are certain people I value that I know will have issues with this. That is exactly why I didn’t do this sooner and exactly why I haven’t committed to doing this for the rest of my life.
Being a female is something you are or something you do?
Anyway... You seem to have a love/hate relationship with Morrissey, but you also seem to enjoy this forum a lot.
I asked before what attracted you to Morrissey, but maybe the question should be: what attracts you to the Morrissey-solo forum?
Oh my, you’re a funny guy.
I joined originally because I’m a fan and I’m still here because I’m a fan. That is pretty much it. If I stopped being a fan completely I would leave.
I am probably funny, but we seriously need something controversial for the audience.
I saw that you are often discussing with Rifke... Which ones are the origins of that feud?
She’s a self-admitted cunt that didn’t like that I have different standards for women than men. I called Ingrid Bergman a whore for cheating on every husband she ever had and she decided to be a passive aggressive twat about it because EHR MER GERD SHE MUH IDOL! Now, of course, I think her problem is that she can’t stand that I’m a better looking woman than her on her best day and I don’t fit the false narrative she had of me...which was surely the only thing keeping her delicate superiority complex afloat in the ocean of indifference she’s barely able to tread water in that is known as Morrissey-Solo.
Ok... And what about your former girlfriend. We often see that you both reply to each other very often, but it is hard to get the tone. Is there a passive / aggressive tone there or you both simply get along as friends and share a dark sense of humour?
We won’t ever truly be “friends” again. That ship has sailed. We’ve done too many shitty things to each other for that history to ever truly fade away. I’m over it and it doesn’t dominate my thoughts or really mean that much to me...but on the other hand, I don’t really forget or forgive. We talk sometimes as you’ve noticed and I’m civil and even engaging. I don’t think I have a passive-aggressive tone at all. Maybe everyone else is seeing things differently than me. She can attest that I’m usually just aggressive-aggressive so I don’t attempt subtly if I have an issue with someone. I have a dark sense of humor. I don’t know what she’s like these days. That isn’t really my cross to bear anymore.
If you could meet Morrissey and talk face to face: what would you like to tell him?
I would like to tell him that he is performing a great disservice to himself, his career, his legacy and his fanbase by surrounding himself with inferior talent and an echo chamber of Yes-Men that never push him to examine himself or his complacency. Then, of course, I’d thank him for being really great up until 1997.
Do you have a photo with a better resolution as to illustrate the interview?
I think we can publish this thing...
I do but I most certainly don’t want people having access to it! I purposely ensured my avatar was this size and clarity to prevent a reverse image search from being used on me! As you can see, I’m putting that 144 IQ to good use.
LOL... the image will be the avatar then, though it will look a bit pixelated.
Aw! Thank you! That was fun! You didn’t even ask me anything too seedy, though! Also, you never even asked about that infamous deleted post!
What did you say in THAT post???
The gist of it was that my first avatar here 13 years ago was me in make up. That I was in love with a male member of this site who was my friend and I drove him off the site because I was a needy and jealous bitch. That my ex knew I crossdressed and was interested in men and trans and had some strange sexual desires. Then I posted some Amazon receipts of all the make up I recently purchased.
Who is the male member you were in love with?