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I know! And what was it with those fields of flowers? There was a sunflower one as well. And wearing a white dress! Ha! She would never have got the stains out of that in her gypsy caravan.

Yeah, those women lounging on their sofas at night never get fat and spotty, do they? It's the same with the ones (fellating) oops! eating Magnums. Highly suspicious.

What's the difference between Irish Cadbury's and English Cadbury's? Is it like Guinness, where you have some sort of secret recipe for making it taste like an entirely different (and 100% nicer) product?

Nooooo! It's all sugar and goo and not enough chocolateyness. These days I only eat 85% cocoa because of health (M&S scores pretty high there. Also Lindt). But if I was forced, kicking and screaming, to choose a milky, sugary one it would probably be Galaxy. Or those little chocolate balls...

Me too! So articulate, so gentlemanly, gets so precisely to the heart of everything. He is a rare voice of sanity in a mad world.

Ah, see, that's where I'm going wrong. It never occurred to me that my clothing should have intellect. I just try to pick stuff in nice colours/prints/fabrics that doesn't make me look too old or fat. And cheap. It has to be cheap. How would you suggest I add a little more intellect to my...

I always thought it was supposed to be about Jake, hence the references to fighting and tattoos. Very sorry about the loss of your dad, Hovis.

It's the weight of swishing all that hair around. It keeps his neck muscles nice and toned.

Wasn't that what they called 'ugly chic'? I never did get that. It always reminds me of one of my favourite songs by Randy Newman, which has the lyric: She dresses in black All of the time Wears an orthopaedic shoe Some sore of uglification thing She's into

Yeah, the big old fraud got rumbled. :lbf:

'i think maybe you're projecting again, pep pep!' Almost certainly. :) However, please define the 'cringey cowgirl laugh'. I don't think we have those here.

Don't know about there, but here it's usually £3-£4. A bit more if it's shoes. But I'm usually buying from ordinary folk clearing out their wardrobes, not commercial sellers, so maybe that's different. And when you're selling, the buyer pays the postage so it's all profit, apart from the eBay...

Three levels of Getting Rid of Stuff: 1. The sellable (eg eBay) 2. The low value but still useful to somebody (charity) 3. The bin Very laudable, giving away your expensive stuff like that, but personally I couldn't afford to pass up the dosh! Wow, those are some fancy coats. Is the...

Very insightful.

Is this the guy that supposedly cooks? He's trying to woo you with his culinary prowess. Unless his mother did all the work. 'now i smell like an indian' :lbf: Well, I like a nice curry as much as the next person (and like to cook them too), but the orange wormy stuff sounds like it would...

Oooookay....! I thought he was part of the family! That does put a rather different spin on it. Yeah, 'Do you like drinking?' isn't the most promising opener, is it? Well, he's obviously taken a shine to you if he's bringing you food. How do you plan to discourage him?

Great start! Is that the actual text, or are you still planning?

Well, if you're writing it, you can write whatever you want. Writers lie. It's their job. Definition of the novel by Julian Barnes: 'Beautiful, shapely lies containing hard, exact truths.' But, absolutely, dissect away, if that's your thing - whatever works. My Alan Bennett Experience...

You work with dwarves?

It may be quite restricted. My auntie is dying in a hospice in Newcastle. Her sister (my mother) is not allowed to visit. It's awful for everyone concerned. Love and strength to the Morrissey/Dwyer family.