Morrissey a fraud, claims Brian Appleton
Posted on Mon, May 1 2000 at 8:56 a.m. PDT
by David T. <[email protected]>
From Adam:

I went to see John Shuttleworth in February on his "2000 And John" tour. 'Supporting' John, was Graham Fellows latest character creation "Brian Appleton", who was presenting the true history of Rock and Roll which you cannot read in any books currently available.

Brian is a rock musicologist and part-time lecturer in media studies, and is a man obsessed by the outrageous plagiarism he has suffered from over the years. His presentation (with slides!) explains his previously unknown KEY involvement in many major rock stars over the years (Rod Stewart, Phil Collins, Boy George, etc).

"Brain" has a section in his act where he reckons he has been ripped off by Morrissey and it's great!

Before "proving" the fact with a song, he says something like "My girlfriend was sick at the time, but I was feeling very ill too, and I wasn't getting any attention, so I was feeling a bit sorry for myself. I wrote this before I'd even heard of The Smiths. I think Morrissey must have been outside my window listening in. It's only half an hour on the train from Manchester to Newcastle Under Lyme - he could have been passing my window and heard me singing this. The jury's still out, but listen..."

He then does a stunning 1983 Morrissey impression whilst playing Marr-esque acoustic guitar and sings his song "My Turn To Be Poorly"

Some of the lyrics are:

My turn to be infirm
Stop acting like a kid
It's me that's the invalid
Where's my anadin
You lazy harridan
(perfect Moz falsetto)
My turn to be poorly

* item archived - comments / notes can no longer be added.

Comments / Notes

he's got a damn nerve. john shuttleworth has been ripping off morrissey's act for years. even his public pronouncements ("if music be the food of love, tuck in" etc) sound like morrissey cast-offs. it makes me so mad!!

Billy Chorlton
Rochdale - Mon, May 01, 2000 at 10:43:07 (PDT) | #1

This guy sounds like a idiot to me. Morrissey does steal some lyrics from books and such but this guy saying that Morrissey was outside his window is just plain stupid. If this guy is good enough for Morrissey to steal from, then how come he is not a famous rock star. The history of rock and roll obviously doesn't include him.

Nobody's Nothing
- Mon, May 01, 2000 at 11:12:56 (PDT) | #2

Get bent

- Mon, May 01, 2000 at 11:22:30 (PDT) | #3

Isn't Girl Friend in a coma a book? Morrissey gets his inspiration from literature not some rambling bafoon!

miahami - Mon, May 01, 2000 at 11:31:17 (PDT) | #4


Jesus! Trust Americans to think that he's being serious! Look at the lyrics quoted! Do you REALLY believe that he's serious??

Humourless bastards!

You probably don't understand Morrissey's humour either!

Not America. Thank God!!!! - Mon, May 01, 2000 at 11:48:15 (PDT) | #5

Me: I guess some people didnt read it clearly. Its obvious it was a joke.. come on.. hes not actually accusing Morrissey of sitting outside his window, sheesh!

Unruly girl
California - Mon, May 01, 2000 at 12:19:43 (PDT) | #6

Hey some of us Americans have a sense of humour and are "with it". It is amazing how anyone could have taken this seriously. I laughed my ass off when I read this article.

blah blah
- Mon, May 01, 2000 at 12:23:32 (PDT) | #7

Man, I am surprised to see that most of the people here take EVERYTHING so seriously. Relax! He is a comedian, which means that he is making FUN! Surely, even Saint Moz can't be so holy that people can't pull his leg once in a while.
I found the part quite amusing, and see it as a comedian's homage to Moz. That's all, so cool it people...

Thomas Bjerre <[email protected]>
- Mon, May 01, 2000 at 12:30:40 (PDT) | #8

Sorry to spoil your fun, but it *is* all a joke... he is a comedian after all. Remember the "Jilted John" record... that was him too. The only slightly dubious thing is the "half hour" train ride from Manchester... How sad would life be if you thought that that was a serious comment?

- Mon, May 01, 2000 at 17:08:08 (PDT) | #9


L.A. - Tue, May 02, 2000 at 12:41:30 (PDT) | #10

Anyhow, I always thought that Jilted John's intonation when he says the words:

"This is what she said"

was a straight (!) lift off Pete Shelley.

Gordon (is a moron) <[email protected]>
- Tue, May 02, 2000 at 14:56:11 (PDT) | #11

Alex B: Why am I not surprised that you chose to type your entire message in caps?

So, most British humour isn't funny, eh?

Is that why Benny Hill was more popular in the US than the UK? Maybe that's why all Americans hate Monty Python and Mr. Bean? (sarcasm, just in case you hadn't noticed)

I could continue in a similar vein, pointing out the ludicrousness of you weak argument, but I prefer to pity the afflicted, rather than punish them.

The only reason I had to explain it was because of your fellow countrymen, a lot of whom wouldn't recognise a joke if it bounded towards them on a pogo stick, waving a damp plimsoll in the air, and yelling out "I am a joke!!, I am a joke!!", at the top of it's voice!

- Tue, May 02, 2000 at 16:38:55 (PDT) | #12

Listen, you stupid ,stupid people.
Stop your pointless bickering.
What is the point?
Are you all F U C K I N G Brain Dead?
You have all made it to this site because of a common interest and once you are here you fil your time and space with petty squabbling about whos the biggest fan, or whos the best fan, or seeminglt any other equally pointless arguments.
Grow up. Just because you are afforded some annonimity doesn't mean you have become an ass-hole.
This site has become a real bore because of all this sort of S H I T.
Yes, swearing does make me feel better.
Please stop it!

- Tue, May 02, 2000 at 18:05:05 (PDT) | #13

Not to start a fight or anything, but the comments for this news article just go to show what a caricature of itself this message board has become. It's like as soon as most of these people see something that could even be construed as possibly negative about Moz in the article, their brain shuts down and they immediately respond with something like "What a tosser! Moz is truly above this worthless creature in every sense. Long live Mozzer the genius!" without even really understanding the article (I mean, come on... you'd have to be a complete moron to have read that news piece and not picked up that it was an act and that the guy who claimed Moz ripped him off was FICTIONAL, for Christ's sake!)

Can't you people ever think objectively? I love Moz, too, but this is a little out of hand.

- Tue, May 02, 2000 at 20:41:06 (PDT) | #14

F*ck that guy...

Adrian Loya
- Tue, May 02, 2000 at 21:19:04 (PDT) | #15

Here Here jungfiend!
I'm so sick of all this negativity.
Let's all be nice for a change.
Remember, just because you like Moz, it doesn't mean that you have to hate everyone else.
Why would you waste time fighting the people you like?
sorry, I couldn't resist.
seriously though it's time we all got along as he said, we do have a common interest.

not until the next time
- Wed, May 03, 2000 at 00:19:52 (PDT) | #16

I have to agree with 'me' and remiker - firstly, read the thing and appreciate the humour. Statements like 'British humour is not funny' are as nonsensical as saying 'all Americans are idiots' - sure there is some stuff that is not funny, but there is a lot that is. Who thinks that 'Married with Children' is funny? Not me, but it's been on TV forever in the US. Incidentally, I'm not British. Also, people see anything negative written about Moz, and they go bananas. These are the people who prefer David Bret's sychophantic piffle, 'Landscapes of the Mind' to Johnny Rogan's well written, thought provoking 'Severed Alliance'. Morrissey is a remarkable man, not a deity.

moral high ground (sic) - Wed, May 03, 2000 at 07:58:16 (PDT) | #17

hey moz 242, girlfriend in a coma is a book (Douglas Coupland, 1999), but it was he who borrowed from moz and not vice versa. not having read the book i dont know how to judge it.

kp <[email protected]>
camrbridge - Wed, May 03, 2000 at 12:52:54 (PDT) | #18

John Shuttleworth is a genius. His song 'Pigeons in Flight' is beautiful, almost heart-rending. He wears glasses. He finds it difficult to exist happily in the 21st century. He longs for the days of Wednesday half-day closing. He is so Northern it hurts.

Liverpool - Fri, May 05, 2000 at 11:35:23 (PDT) | #19


MANCHESTER. ENGLAND - Mon, May 08, 2000 at 09:38:54 (PDT) | #20

here here Gav. Many people that visit these pages have a balanced view, but there are also many others that think anything Morrissey does is right, which could not be the case.

- Mon, May 08, 2000 at 22:41:36 (PDT) | #21

There's a good laugh in here.

- Sat, May 13, 2000 at 14:37:52 (PDT) | #22

* return to Morrissey-solo