Marisela (1865)

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You're Frankly Vulgar a redpullover**

Journal of Marisela (1865)

Friday June 18, 10


07:33 AM

I feel as If I am at square one again.

After my seperation I felt oh so worthless.Yet I did not want to hurt my family.I did.. He did we did.
I looked into my childrens eyes and as I seen them grow wow I had a blast! I loved being a mommie... My memories of them are locked in my head.. The things they all did brought so much happiness to myself and others.

I just was determined to make it all better.

But we never really know what will happen next.
I hurt so much at this moment.
I must live by the rules.
Not someones rules, but the ones that I, as an adult have learned must be issued daily. Such as, Being a Good productive member of society, coping with myself and giving room for my loved ones dispite the fact I know where they are heading. We all must bite our tongues every oh so often.
It is just astonishing how far people want to go.
Sad to learn this...yes this situation. Again!?!?!
Dispite the fact!!, that some people are their for you giving and giving and oh! taking the shirt off their backs for you.
Dispite it all. We can fall and lay on our old disgusting vomit.Wow 5 years and again.. Again!?!?!?
How ignorrant I am to oh so much about ,about people. Shit! In this case my daughter.
See it is hard to have been there done that and have to go through it all again?? Again!?
I have lost oh so much.
My family has lost oh so much! we all lost. Why!?
Because A Drug!? Damn!!!! I am so angry that I would love to sock somebody!
Yet even if some of us have great expectaions in life..
This F****D up goverment daily brings us to humiliation.
It is on the rise! and always will be.
Yet should I give up!?
Hell No!
As I sit here and weigh it all out. As much as I may want to strangle HER!
I can only hope.Sighs...
I will not give up on trying my best. If I have to self sacrifice it just is not worth it. I have been their DONE that!
I may just have to push the hell out of myself to succeed.All I learned in that whole traumatic time in my life, was that I was there I had the means I slowly lost all family respect I lost the focus of a dream, what family morals were.. I lost my religion! literally. I was happy yet life changed my point of view..
For good.. I guess.
But it only showed me that somethings are good for some but not for all.. And that it does not make us least nor better then anyone else.. If someone is happy at what they are doing?? Well so be it.. who am I to judge.
All we can do, Is hope for the best.

I only hope I make it without having a heart attack...I have a murmur the size of a freaken nickle as far as I know.I don't care to know more.I do not want doctors even looking at my heart..
if I go well I go! Is my bottom line and I wish to be respected.
I am not physically be able to take it all.I think! it does scare me just a tad.
So I am taking it day by day and today I shall do what I must..
Ignore the things I can not help with.
Wow, even when it means my own flesh and blood..
Sadly I have been taken for a ride before and learned when I had to jumped off..Yet,

I'll shake this dirt off.
I hope for a better tomorrow.
I shall pray to God Life and living that she will make it all right again...5 yrs! 5 great years.. Down the drain??? Hmm well maybe not.. I must think about this again.
When it comes to her making dicisions.. I pray she comes to her senses and can be as strong as I have been.
It hurts to bleed.
Damn!! she has pushed me, to MY edge again and I must remember it all over again and I have.:(
My stomach is still churning and I still want to oh so badly self torture.I have been dark and sad.. Yet putting on this smiling face in order to keep possitivity alive for those who come in contact with us.
I can and will only do so much!!! I am not super women anymore.And refuse to be! especially to "Stupidity"..:(

I Love and hope the best to my butterfly..
Wow! She is Selfish oh so very selfish.:(

Not a good trait to have..
I was fotunate I was just ignorrant.
But I do have feeling of that darkness I so got accostumed to.
So even shaking selfishness off,
Can and is an addiction.
I really do not want to go on..
But I guess I am here for a very very good reason..
God Help us!

Friday May 07, 10

Free as a Bird

01:42 PM

To see our beautiful earth. Trees, Sky, People walking by.
The Air?
How can I get familiar with it all again..
It can be overwhelming to the skin and I feel it's beauty in my eyes.
Yet, This air,it can be so refreshing, yes! as it should be. To feel free!
To walk down the street knowing you owe nothing!
And Just watch!
Knowing there are many people that are inspiring,loving warm kind witty hard working. It makes me want to look harder..
To see people for who they are.I shall make a chioce of how you want to live in my clean slate!

To have the option, to have choice! to have a voice.
Black or white! is no longer what has to be.
you can go with orange blue or pink!
Choice to create, build, or even mold!

It may be somewhat hard to recover or to fit in. Yet, we all need to HOPE!

There is and will always be war. We must except this fact.
Maybe, maybe someday it will all be about love and unity and make burdens lighter.

But, for now, let me just try to Fly!
To feel the air on my face as I take on my life.
I have always carried this feeling around.I have not let go.It has been difficult. Yet I wonder.

Can we still recover?

If we loved each other
We would find victory
But in this harsh reality
I only know my weakness.
It makes me, want to go.

Look to the sky that is where we shall fly
With God's love you and I shall survive.
Come what may.

I know I can fly. I have also felt your warm wings embracing me while on the air. Shall I ever feel this way again?
I know it is the answer to my prayers is it yours aswell....

May 5 2010.....

Wednesday April 21, 10

Who do you think you are?

08:31 AM

There are so many times I have gone through tunnels in my life. Yet, it has not been mine.
I have always been so scared to go through mine.

Is this what I have come to realise just now!?

Reminds me of a lyric that Sir Morrissey wrote.. "You have never been in love until you see the dawn rise, for the home of the blind."
This lyric, as an artist. I have not come to terms with all because of this crazy control this government has had on me It reminds me of literal children.
Weee high! :)
As the children that I have been working with . They have not had it easy.
Yet I work with these little guys that have seen so much with their eyes that it makes them look and see and behave uncontrolably. In a way that they should never have had to live through.

I have gone through a tunnel that has brought me to terms about myself.
I mean come on!
Why should I have to be paid for something that should come free..
To take care of little children!
Homeless children.
Orphans, children that are beautiful, smart, witty, intelligant, cuddly, loving, and amazing! little artist in little packeges..

I always have believed that the best things come in little packeges.. Thank you momma! she was only 5ft tall.

Makes my tummy churn!:(

Their is just so much life and Love to share! to give.
Wow, I remember a time I was going through my tunnel. I felt so afraid! That I did not go though.
This even makes my tummy hurt to remember.
I got scared. I fear to know what was at the end. Oh, I tend to do this in many many ways.I just do not feel I deserve it.
This is why,
I do not carry out nor do I trust no one, Anyone, completly. There are times I have acted, pretended that I was letting go or had let go, but only for personal selfish reasons that makes me, just human.
Yet, I never want to hurt anyone.! Intentionally.

We all have a vampire in us. and it seems to have gotten the best of me many times.
it makes me no differant from anyone, really.

Yet, my life has shifted.
It is boiling down to me.
I have to face, Me. :(

I wish I did not have to do this but I have seen a light say that I have to be around.
I have a reason to stay and I have no choice. So I have been making the best out of it all. It has been years now. Not knowing that I would comfront MY tunnel again..
I am not scared anymore. I see it I have enough love to give and I have recieved oh, So much more.
I do not want to wish I could go through it.I am still very insucure.
For I sometimes feel like a killer. Not deserving. I feel like a Statistic, many a times!

Yet, when I hear of stories of people as myself in my possition. I can see that they are egotistic, rude, greedy and selfish , which I am not. Except with myself.
I have self tortured myself in many ways through my life.. and I feel I have been going through this just way to long.

We humans are so complex.

But, when I see, The love that their is out there.
The children , yes, The children.
I realise, that all we really and truly need is Love.
Many, I know Many that do not know what love is!

They can do a lot of talk say they are open minded and will give this or that even money! and Lots of it, this or that they may give and give and give..
Yet they use that as an achor to let their head blow up like a zepillin!
I have always believed that if we give it should be from our hearts. In secret.
Not letting my right hand see that my left hand has been generous. I dislike even mentioning it here! in my journal and knowing this will be seen by whomever reads me.
Yet I want to write this down for mine to see who I am and who they are a part of.For I consider myself a very fortunate person.

This I learned as I walked through a long loving tunnel.It was amasing!
Yet, my insucurity feels like the unforgivable sin.
Not even God, a god.. the stars the moon the airs much much less any human being can help. Some things just have to be done by yourself.
Yes, by myself Marisela.

I began to do for myself. Looking and going through others tunnels.. Many are still on stand bye.. and some have gone through their first tunnel.
Some I have gone through so as to help.. I seem to have had the guts it took..I held their hand ever so sofely and pulled. I have no regrets! It has been like they say, fresh water for the boiling, yes hot!, bones.

Now, Even the strongest man I so feared, yet, I wanted to be in his place his spot has seemed to have forgotten me.
It did not matter that his hand was not extended to me, by him. I am still alive and making the best out of what I have done or portraid.Sad to say he was ignorant to my needs.

This is a secret of life.. to walk fearlessly.
Now I know this much.

We live and learn.
Now lets teach and help those in fear for I also need my hand held ever so softly.
Even If I seem so so couragious..

Even a wild animal can be tamed.You see?

Lol. they say even an old dog can learn new tricks..
I suppose this to be true..
For, we never graduate from life.
I shall never graduate from this life..
Maybe that is what death offers a graduation to this life and sends us to the next level!
haha what a crazy thought! Oh this way of life is so unnecessary.
Now that is not true !
that I know;)

"Nothing you can say but you can learn how to play the GAME. (Yes, We have to play the "game" So, if she asks, say you do not have a cat even if she has seen him and played with him through the freaken window! Sheech! What a goverment! What a shallow, not real, life this can be. Yet, It is real! Heaven help us!)

It's easy. (Yeah right!, Yet I guess I can somewhat understand this... It is like, To see something work for me I must invest blood and lots of love for what you want to offer, if, it,whatever may it be, or have, a fine, wonderful thing product or skill?! haha it is like compensating!??? Hell I am not sure just yet.. Another 10 years , Id say! lol oh well.. I am certainly doomed to live!)

There's nothing you can make that can't be made.
(Nothing new or done that is new.)
No one you can save that can't be saved.
(If they are worth saving!)
Nothing you can do BUT YOU CAN LEARN HOW YOU CAN BE YOU IN TIME (OK..I can try a little harder)- It's easy." (Possitive thoughts possitive thought!)

HUGS to you Marisela!

Monday March 29, 10

Fudge no wonder I woke up feeling sick to my stomach today..

11:59 AM

And being so right out blunt! it is just that time we figure it out and work on what we must.

I do believe in being fare and thinking a lot about the future.. and I do not mean in my life in particular..
it is truly about just moving on.. being strong creating better human beings..We never really know until we are their.
Yet I dispise the emotion of being selfish.
I realise we must at times..
it gives others a worth of giving and learning to give and accept.
Viva La Revolucion!
we are in such a bad and corrupt inviornment Politicly and spiritually that we must check ourselves constantly.

This is what made me realise today.And understand why I am being so blunt. It is affecting us all!
I am willing to be a leader are you!?
Please be dareing and be bold..
Do not be scared of what you know could happen.. Take a risk! as you have often done.

(Talking to myself)! :)

Libra Full Moon March 29-30, 2010
The Moon's cycle begins with the new Moon, which grows through the first quarter Moon until it reaches the full Moon phase. After that, the Moon begins to wan through the last quarter Moon phase to the new Moon once again. Since we live under a solar calendar instead of a lunar one, every year or so the Moon cycle flips and we end up having a full Moon in a sign coming before its new Moon.
We are in that part of the cycle now. Symbolically, it means that we have to bare the tension of opposites (opposite signs comprise the full Moon), then try to integrate their meaning before we can plant the new seed. This is especially important for this Libra Full Moon, because the upcoming new Moon in Aries is the real beginning of the astrological year.
The Libra Full Moon comes within a week of Spring Equinox, so I'd like to mention this important point in the Sun's journey. In astrology, the 0*point of the zodiac is the beginning of Aries. The whole zodiac begins again. We get to start afresh each year.
The Spring Equinox marks the day on which the hours of day and night are equal. The darkness and the light are balanced. As with the Earth, so goes it with us. Since we are affected by the cycles of the Earth, this time of year can become a time of psychic balance for us.
This Spring Equinox is especially important, because when the Sun moves into the sign of Aries, it will connect to the three planetary energies that helped shaped the 60s and which are shaping our times as well in this next phase of their evolutionary cycle. Pluto, Saturn and Uranus are all dancing around 0* of the cardinal signs Capricorn, Libra and Aries. Cardinal signs move things forward, and they are the zodiac signs that rule the change of seasons. These three planets are in tense, challenging relationships to each other, forcing us to redefine ourselves and our culture. These planetary aspects announce that we are all at a crossroads, and through this tension, they will work on us to make radical changes in our personal lives as well as our collective lives.
It is time for "teen-age' Aries to grow up and take some responsibility for our cultural dilemma. It's time to make changing our culture a personal matter.

The Aries Sun will first oppose Saturn in Libra, the energy that demands we face our relationships realistically and responsibly. This gives us the opportunity to become aware of how we deal with our relationships. Are we selfish? Too giving? Unsure of ourselves? Needy? Controlling? We need to find the right balance between self and other, and the best way to do that is to know who you are so you know what you can give or not give in your relationships.
Then the Aries Sun will square Pluto in Capricorn, the energy which is re-constructing our government and financial systems. How are we facing the re-structuring? We can no longer sit back and expect that either government or corporations will take care of us. It is time to figure out how we individually want to create our life in this time of change.
The Sun connected with the third planetary energy, Uranus in late Pisces on Tuesday, March 16, right after the new Moon in Pisces. Uranus is the Awakener, the energy of sudden change, revolution and freedom. If you haven't opened to this energy before, you're probably finding it uncomfortable. But real freedom is uncomfortable.
So you see this Spring Equinox will become an important marker on our way into the future. Aries is about discovering our Identity. We can do that each year at the Spring Equinox. But this year, the Cosmic Story is asking us to discover our identity in relationship to the larger forces at work in the world.
How are we going to change our world?
You can't change anything if you don't know who you are. Aries is all about the search for self-identity. We often describe Aries as the teenager of the zodiac, with all the angst and uncertainty about Identity that marks this time in our lives.
Remember Aries is courageous, and its ruling planet Mars has just turned to direct motion in Leo, so these two fiery energies will work well together, helping you discover your identity. While Mars dove into the Leo fires to discover his archetypal identity during its retrograde phase, now he has the opportunity to put what he discovered into practice.
My daughter's little sister Ava will be 5 years old next week. They were walking down the street last year and Ava walked over a grate in the street, very slowly and full of fear. My daughter asked her why she was doing it. And Ava said, "I have to learn to be brave." That's an Aries for you!
I'm asking all of you to be brave for the sake of Ava and all the children in the world. They need us to be brave and to step forward and help create the change that our society and our world need if these children are to have a good life. It is our job as adults to be responsible for the future.
That's what this full Moon in Libra asks of us. To be fair and just, to bring our talents and gifts into our society, and to balance our self interests with the greater, common good. Many people are living in fear because of the economy, and are quite selfish in their beliefs about what is right and wrong. Their self interest is more important to them then our common interest.
Usually Aries is all about self interest. It's all about ME!
But the Spring Equinox and this Libra full Moon puts the pressure on us to recognize that our self interest stands and falls within our common interests. If the world is falling apart, is it better to stand alone or to work together to make things better?
That's the question we're faced with as we begin our new astrological year. With the Aries Sun opposing the Libra Moon and Saturn, and squaring off against Pluto in Capricorn, the Cosmic Story states that our personal survival will depend on our collective survival.
Last year's Aquarian vision of Neptune, Jupiter and Chiron opened us to unlimited (Jupiter), creative (Neptune) healing (Chiron) energies. What did you personally heal in your life last year? What new creative visions do you now have? We each get a piece of the puzzle of this creative change going on in the world. I can't wait to see what our future holds. It's important to have great hope when we begin a new enterprise. So let go of fear. Live free or die!
The Sabian symbol for the Sun at 10* Aries is: A shining golden ring, engraved with magical symbols. Rings, like circles, symbolize eternity and divinity, power and sovereignty, completeness and union. Gold is the color of divine power and immortality, reason and spiritual consciousness. This ring symbolizes our ability to choose to work with the highest powers of life through our knowledge of the archetypal energies. The magical symbols on the ring indicate that in using this ring of power (our free will), we can either try to control life, or we can become a channel and focus for life energies. It depends on our choices.
The golden ring can be an image of the One Ring of Sauron, a ring that violently wants to dominate all life. Or it can be a wedding ring of the union of masculine and feminine consciousness, which will bring us into balance. It is only when we know ourselves through both these types of consciousness that we are whole.
If we can balance these 2 ways of perceiving the world, we will change our attitudes about almost everything in our life. We will know when there is a real need to fear and not a manipulated one. We will begin to trust love as a major player in life's decisions. We will really know the meaning of "free will'. Which is such an Aries battle cry!
The Sabian symbol for the Moon at 10* Libra is: A canoe leaving narrow rapids reaches calm water. The exhilaration of a canoe shooting the rapids gives way to the calm of the open waters. Emotionally charged, we have to slow down and see where our energy wants to go. Our inner stability gives us the control to see where we are and what is possible. We've made it through an intense time intact with our hopes and dreams, and now we'll have some time to begin to implement them.
Other Full Moon aspects:
Chiron and Neptune in Aquarius: They are still healing our wounded vision of the future. Help them out by being as positive as you can.
Venus is conjunct Mercury in Aries: Let's be kinder and gentler with our communication. People are already upset. Clear, kind communication is the way to go.
Mars in Leo trines the Aries Sun and sextiles the Libra Moon: If you know who you are, you'll know what to do in any situation.
Libra Moon conjunct Saturn: You'll feel very responsible and will try to be fair in your dealings. Just remember to stay true to yourself while you're doing it.
Pluto and Ceres conjunct in Capricorn: if this was a myth, I'd say that Pluto and Demeter (Ceres) are negotiating a deal. If you're looking for healthy food, find alternative sources
Jupiter and Uranus in Pisces: The spiritual imagination is wide opened. Use this opportunity to get your creative juices flowing. Any dreams you have now are important. Get in touch with me if you need help interpreting them.
T-square between the asteroids Juno (relationship), Pallas (reason) and Vesta (personal integration). These Ladies are getting together to insist that we get ourselves together and be fair and reasonable in all our relationships.
Saturn retrogrades back into Virgo on April 7th. Go back and finish up any health or work related issues that you were working on last fall. Saturn re-enters Libra on July 21st.
These next few months are a breathing spell before we get to June with both Jupiter and Uranus moving into Aries, forming the 3rd leg of the t-square with Saturn in Libra and Pluto in Capricorn. So get your act together while you can. It might be a wild ride!

Wednesday February 03, 10

Thank you Fine Lady

01:07 AM

Where is your heart? This is a question I remember a lady friend of my mothers ask. Then a child said "In here" as he set his hand on his chest. She said "Yes, but I am talking about this heart" As she held her hand up high and said "Your spiritual heart". I loved this example. This has taken me a long way!:) Thank you Lady!So now I bumped into this site which reminded me of her. See I am trying to reach children to think about how to confront situations in everyday, Sheech! Life! So. I feel we all should be encouraged to walk with our heart upright and with dignity and a real sort of love. If we do,we will usually end up seeing and feeling, kindness and true..ness!? from others.Anyhow, I did some research and found this advise. Enjoy!

The Spiritual Heart: Your Inner Treasure

Do you want to be happy?
Then do not overestimate the power of your mind and do not under-estimate the light of your heart.
It is better to meditate in the heart than in the mind. The mind is like Times Square on New Year's Eve; the heart is like a lonely cave in the Himalayas. If you meditate in the mind, you will be able to meditate for perhaps five minutes; and out of that five minutes, for one minute you may meditate powerfully. After that you will feel your whole head getting tense. First you get joy and satisfaction; then you may feel a barren desert. But if you meditate in the heart, you acquire the capacity to identify yourself with the joy and satisfaction that you get, and then it becomes permanently yours.

If you meditate in the mind, you do not identify; you try to enter into something. When you want to enter into somebody else's house to get what that person has, either you have to break down the door or you have to plead with the owner of the house to open the door. When you plead, you feel that you are a stranger, and the owner of the house also feels that you are a stranger. Then he thinks, "Why should I allow a stranger to come into my house?" But if you use the heart, immediately the heart's qualities of softness, sweetness, love and purity come to the fore. When the owner of the house sees that you are all heart, immediately his own heart will become one with yours and he will let you in. He will feel your oneness with him and say, "What do you want from my house? If you need peace, then take it. If you need light, then take it."

One more thing: if you enter into the house with your mind, you will see some delicious fruit and immediately try to grab it. You are satisfied when you get it, even though you do not have the capacity to eat all the fruit. But if you use the heart, you will find that your capacity of receptivity is boundless. Again, if you use the mind, you will try to make a selection. You will say, "This piece of fruit is better; this one is worse." But if you enter into the house with your heart, you will feel that everything there is yours, and you will enjoy it all. The heart centre is the centre of oneness. First you identify with the truth and then, on the strength of your identification, you become the truth.

Wednesday January 13, 10

We can only,and always Love,Loved Ones

10:32 PM

It sure is difficult when life and hmmm, harshness?, hits from a family member.
It simply feels worse then a deep cut. That, I can easily take and forget without my heart breaking. No matter what, I have no choice but to accept the things that happpen around me,with family members. I will not give up on you. The way people behave can hurt. It hurts even more because I know you shall have to learn the hard way. I don't know what It could be. I have always been one that has my doors with my heart open. This is not my example. You are being a hurtful person to some people that should mean more to you and you only hurt yourself. Anytime you need me, I will be here. Maybe insecurity? A desire that cannot be satisfied? Your own skin? Your Job? Just you being moody? Wow, I have been there at certain times in my life. But I would not reject you nor anyone intentionally.Much less a loved one. I may have made some wrong desicions in my life but they all had a good reason behind it.Now, yes we are adults. There had to have been a logical reason if it was hurt or got you angry. I recall she wanted to stay with my sister. I said "fine". That was so many years ago. You say that hurt you? Have you ever stopped to think what you did to your family.Each one Idividually? I know it was not All a mistake, It was just life hitting us in the face. Yet, Now why? There has to be a terrible emotions reacting badly towards something or someone or maybe even me.:( If it is me. What can I say but sorry?
Oh well, I shall never forget but I can only forgive (gulp) But I hope it does not come to you as hard but that you some day learn to be a better and more giving person. Such as I have insisted and tried to do with my life.I wish you a life of hope and prosperity. No matter what even if I am hurt very hurt.. Like, I felt my heart ache! Yet, it is life. We all can talk just vainly,Like the air that passes our face It can feel god in a nice hot summers day. You, I, will go on. I will love you no matter what.
Bye....for now

Tuesday November 24, 09

You'll rise and shine, so do not mope.

10:33 AM

They Say NEVER say NEVER!
There are just certain things in our life and each and everyone has their moral.
So, one thing and it's a saying!
Never Lose Hope!
I look at it this way. Each life will have tears like rain, many, right!?
So, they must fall.
There's joy and pain. We can all recall.
Life's full of challenges then surprises and unexpected situations. We must let people come our way, to keep sane.
They can help with huge matters and small situations.
This way you (I) can overcome them, ALL.
We will and we MUST!.

Put everything in perspective.
See things clearly, be positive.
Life's wonderful!
Plenty of teaching and smiles to pass on.
Plenty to see and wonder about.
Goals!, dream about thing that can be achieved.
Leave the past, It is to the future we must move onto.
No regrets!
Just wisdom gained, focus.
"Everything happens for a reason",

This is so true.
It's yours(Mine).
They say tomorrow is a brand new day.
This also is true. Aww, always a new dawn.

Change your direction.
Duh... haha
Look at life on with a brighter and better focus.
Life will always bite at some point. Yet, when we are in reality. We have a better focus on what we must do.
No burden's too great, you, (I), Can cope.
In time.....Time, awww yes. such a good pomade.
Wounds will heal. So Marisela do not mope.
You'll rise and shine for now,
Never lose hope!!!

Monday September 28, 09

This I Love

12:07 PM

I got to a point when I wanted you more then you were willing to give.
But now we will go separate ways, for we have our lives to live.
I will cherish the bond we shared.
For I do realize that this friendship was real, blemished and intact.
I wish I could turn back time, for I know I neglected our friendship, somehow.
I will always be a friend to you.
For I shared sincere smiles and laughter's and even my sadness es.
I will never doubt you in my heart,
Our fight has become a painless scar.
Our friendship is disappearing like an echo in the night.
What shall I do?
Shall I take courage and try to make it right?
It is hard to lose such a friend.
But hurting you is my worst fear.
If such a case I do not matter.

((Isn't it amazing how we can go through so much emotions at certain points in our lives..
I sure remember when I wrote this! haha
Yes This I Love..That is a song by Guns N Roses))

Wednesday September 16, 09


10:37 PM

I'm listening to Pierre by The Dresden Dolls..:)
I have been up to much in my life and well I think I want to talk about it..After all you are My Journal:)..
I've Had it pretty hard at times But I am Happy I have gone and tried my best.. I Love with a Passion and I can hate just as much.. I guess this makes me a Libra..Yeah..
I have had M In My Heart and he has has mine in his.
How is that possible?
My life has taken me through some great people, In work family and friends..
Now I find myself loving.. I have loved for a long time and I have had to go through some great changes. But It's worth It to me.
Haha I am listening to Guns N Roses.."sweet child of mine.."
Right on..
I met a man today he just moved into town..Pretty cool he is involved with the Art scene here in Long Beach..But is actually from London.. I had a meeting with The Art world tonight.. I met the Council man, I thought that was pretty cool..
And Antonio Ruiz Is just an awesome man.I highly respect his work and I love his family..Fine respectable, people very opened minded and a son that inspires..Nice..
I seen Jane Galloway which is also, a very creative and inspiring artist..It was a pleasure to see her tonight.
And, Well as I was trying to put it here well I know M will read this......
you have my heart so give it back! haha Oh Just hurry up and call me.
anyhow... I have to go to sleep soon. I work tomorrow and well I have a lot to talk about at work and with The Cook!:)
lol. well ......That is another story I must write about!
Anyhow Here is another song!

Now this is cool...:)
Love this song!

Monday September 14, 09

Just A Dream

12:46 PM

I close my eyes and bring my mind to ease,visioning myself on a beach. It is quiet,It's consistent.
To just, be..
I'm walking through the whirls of the wind as they're carrying me down the shoreline..
Opening my arms I spin and dance with the wind.
Feeling free and my souls uplifting.
I stop and look to my right as the oceans inviting me in..
Glancing above, I see the sun as it holds no prejudice against me..
Sharing all of its warmth,I continue to walk on this peaceful sand..While my hair leaves my shoulders to fly free in the wind,as my body absorbs the salty air.
I dream myself into your arms,where I gatherd a sense of security.
The touch of your hand to mine,is something I will never forget..
Its that special feeling I cherish so much in my heart..
I open my mind to where I want to be.
Nothing seems more right,than here with you.
Soon the alarm goes off and my eyes open..
Its was a dream..
One spent with [email protected]

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