M-in-Oz (13934)

M-in-Oz
(email not shown publicly)

Journal of M-in-Oz (13934)

Thursday March 19, 09

Booked!

04:01 PM

Well it is done...I purchased the flight tickets yesterday! Just as I was leaving to get them my mobile rang and it was my daughters school saying she had fallen off the monkey bars and hurt her arm. They put her on the phone and through her sobs she was saying she wanted to stay at school - so I let her and felt bad for the rest of the day.

Anyway, when I got to the travel agents I was told that most of the flights were sold out & it was going to be really difficult to get a flight! I couldn't believe it! We tried heaps of different combinations and the best that could be done was catching a flight from home to Melbourne (and stopping there for about 7 hours), then at 10pm a flight to Abu Dhabi and then to Dublin. On the way home I have to catch a flight at 9:10am from Heathrow back through Abu Dhabi, Melbourne and then home at 9pm....and I had to stay an extra day as there was no way I could get from the Morrissey concert in Stirling to the airport at that time of day.

I am so happy to have the flights booked though, now just need to sort out accommodation.

We are enjoying a quiet Friday today, just going to have a shower & then take my daughter to the Doctors to check that her arm is ok (although she is playing DS now so I think it must be alright). Then another weekend of parties....we have my father-in-laws 60th tomorrow night and then a party for 3 sisters on Sunday. No time to ever do anything around the house.

Saturday March 14, 09

Happy Birthday

09:35 PM

Happy Birthday!

Just got back home from celebrating my sons 3rd Birthday at the Museum. We had sushi on the front lawns, followed by cake & then in to see the Dinosaur Exhibition (which was only ok at best). But he had such a great day and that is all that matters.

I started this journal here when he was first born, probably only a week or so old. 'Ringleaders' had just been released and I was feeling pretty down about being a mum again. I recall how I felt that the album resonated with my experiences and emotional state at the time...even now hearing a song from that album can take me right back to there. And now a new album and now it is three years on....

I've really grown into being a mother now, I feel so much more at ease. Having a three year old (and near 7 year old girl) is wonderful. They say the funniest things and are so loving and caring. Just now they are playing Lego together. My son really demonstrates his feelings, wanting hugs and kisses a lot. While my daughter differs on this - although she still loves the occasional hug from mum.

And amazingly they both love Years of Refusal!!! My daughter loves 'Paris' and will come into the kitchen and have a dance when it is playing. My son just likes Morrissey I think and will ask to wear the little t-shirt I got him & make me change into one of mine.

However with my overseas trip looming on the horizon I am feeling both excited (about going) and anxious (about leaving). It pains me that I am going to miss out on two weeks of their life...it might not sound much but there are smiles that I will miss or not being there to comfort them or just those little things that they do or say. I'm sure the time will 'fly by' for me...but I cannot help but feel sad that I am leaving them behind for that time. I'm so glad that my partner has agreed now to take the time off work and stay with them - much better than after school care or being taken place to place (grandparents). I think they will need the stability of home.

I was walking the other week trying to settle all these feelings in my mind and got to thinking about where my head is, where my body is and where my heart is. My body might be in another country but my heart will remain here with my boy and girl.

Wednesday February 04, 09

can it get any hotter?

04:25 PM

Well, still in the grip of a heatwave. Unfortunately there has been about 20 deaths associated with the heat & maybe even more. What is happening is that the State govt. is trying to tell everyone to conserve energy & carbon emissions etc (which normally would not be a prob.) but older people in particular are taking this to mean not switching on their air-cons or fans. Not a good idea. The govt. has now opened up bus stations and buildings to let people have access to air-conditioned spaces and showers.

I feel like I've been inside forever....and it is kind of getting a little boring. I'm working on some writing for a conference in Brisbane later in the year and just scribbling notes for ideas that come into my head, but I kind of been a litte lazy with my work. In this weather I just feel like reading books & drinking cold G&Ts. Although last night it was beer, I went to my friends & had some beers from the freezer, it was so nice! Came home at midnight, fell into bed & then up again for the morning mad dash to get ready for the school run.

I'm even thinking that I might have to cut my hair. I made a deal to not cut it til my 30th Birthday & now that the milestone has passed, I guess I could cut it...not sure just yet. I'm kind of liking having some length to it.

Well, must be off - got washing to hang out.

Monday January 26, 09

it is HOT

10:57 PM

Aaagggh...nothing like a heatwave! and here it is, kind of earlier than expected. Maybe Morrissey was right about not touring here in January :)

My daughter had her first day back at school - another year - can't believe that she is going into her THIRD year at school! Where is my baby? She seemed to have a good day, hasn't really reported too much about the day to me yet. I think she is just recovering...from the heat & from being back. They are both eating watermelon and cold grapes at the moment.

***

Does anyone still make New Year's resolutions anymore? Well, I made a kind of vague one...to only do what I REALLY want to do! Which might sound obvious, but it something I struggle with at times. Trying to be all things to all people and feeling like I compromise myself at times (although it is also a good quality to yield at times). So...I feel like once again I am caught in a 'triangle' friendship again. I've been walking in the mornings with a neighbour (and also a mum at the school) who just drives me crazy!! But because I thought I hated exercising on my own, I thought I would perservere. However, she just has a really bad effect on me, I wind up feeling worse for being in her company rather than better. Our kids don't really get along either.

So, I have decided to distance myself from here - however it is slightly hard as she lives near me & I see her at school. But I figure as long as I feel good about what I am doing or agreeing to and putting LIMITS on things...then it should be OK. I think she has picked up on this as I am saying NO to a lot of her suggestions for meet ups. My other friend and neighbour also doesn't really get along with her either, so at times we feel caught in the middle a bit.

My partner gets back tonight and the children can't wait! I don't think they will get to see him though as he doesn't get in til well past their bedtime. But I am looking forward to seeing him. And discussing my going away in April...I will be going to Ireland and London (and anywhere else I can get to)...I really want to see Morrissey at least ONCE while I am there, but it is all driving me a bit crazy. I'm just hoping that things might fall into place once I am there.

Tuesday January 20, 09

Life's a beach

11:53 PM

It would be quite accurate to say that I have done nothing for the past four weeks than be at the beach. We've been on several beach holidays mixed in with short trips to the beach near our house & it has been a wonderful tonic! Although my 2y.o doesn't really love water or the waves - he does love being naked and where better than the beach. He spends his time building sandcastles or pretending to be a racing car or building the BatCave. My daughter has turned into quite the body surfer - the waves for some reason have been kind of big - so she loves getting bashed around by the water and surfing into the coast. I love swimming - I find its great for back pain and love walking and fossicking for beach treasure.

We went on a holiday which involved driving to a Ferry and then a 2 hour ride, where my partner and our son suffered from sea sickness. We went to this lovely little town, it was just so picturesque. Although not so great for swimming as there are sharks commonly found in the water. However I did go swimming in the Shark Cage, which while nice I must admit I never truly relaxed enough to enjoy myself.

Some time has also been spent at our beach house which is about a 40 minute drive from our house but like being in a different world. A much slower, more relaxed world. It has been really hot here, so being able to go for a picnic dinner & a swim is great relief. I also got to do some op-shopping and looking around in country town shops. Found a really great shop out near my dads house - and spent more money than I probably should have.

However, no matter what the lyrics "trudging slowly over wet sand" always come to mind & had me thinking that these are probably the best opening lyrics of any song...they have the instant ability of telling a narrative and bring a little bit of melancholy to any beach walk that I am on.

This week I am "home alone" as my partner has gone on a yacht sailing holiday in Queensland. While its nice to spend some time alone...I do miss him too. Which I think is good - as I don't always feel that way!

I've also seen two chilrens movies, Madagascar 2 and Hotel For Dogs...I liked Madagascar but not too keen on the Dog one.

After these holidays I'll have to get back to reality and think about what I'm going to be doing this year. In some ways I feel like 2008 was a kind of lost year, so I'm hoping for more out of 09...fingers crossed x

Saturday December 13, 08

RE: what to write about?

01:57 PM

Up early on a Sunday morning - enjoying the quietness of the house. The weather has been quite un-Summer-like here over the past couple of days...raining non-stop.

On Monday - I went shopping in town (all by myself) and managed to purchase a few Christmas presents. For my 2y.o I got a wooden Cranky the Crane (from the Thomas Tank Engine) and my daughter really wanted a red ukelele - and I found one! She hasn't really said that she wants anything for Christmas, apart from a some kind of Playstation game that is about dancing? I don't really know what she is describing - I would rather get SingStar.

On Tuesday - I went to the Markets with my son and we bought items to make pizza with at home. But I forgot it was swim class night & I don't usually make dinner on that night. Swimming classes were good fun as usual, my daughter has come such a long way. After we went to the playgound for a bit & my toilet training son wet his pants twice then did a poo in them...so off home we went!

On Wednesday - It was the school Christmas Party picninc at this fantastic childrens playground in the city. It was a nice day, good weather, good food, good company. My daughter wouldn't run the 3-legged race with me though she said "I've been on that kind of grass before & if I fall over it will hurt my knees". Then as I was putting some rubbish in the bin I came across two of the mums having a fight...quite the scene! It was all about lollies and Father Christmas & one of the mums wanting to have recognition for buying the lollies. But the kids don't care - they just want the lollies!! After that I went to Ikea and bought a new rug for the loungeroom.

On Thursday - I had my final Art Class for the year. It was nice to reflect on all the art we had made and how they had progressed throughout the year. We made a paper bird garland & it was kind of sad to see them go. Not sure what I am going to do next year, think I might be too busy to do them every week.

On Friday - My brother came over after work before then heading out again to a work Chrismas dinner. The children love seeing him and kind of fight for his attention. My son kind of got it by eating hunks of parmesan cheese straight from the block! As a guy without children I think my brother found it quite weird...I however noticed how little I was bothered by it. After taking my brother back into town - I then walked to the nearby Christmas light display to meet up with family and our friends. So I get there and they are no-where to be seen. I keep walking and looking...people looking at the Christmas lights with their families seemed to be eyeing me with suspicion.
I walked back home to find them all there...ha ha! My feet had blisters and I was unimpressed. But we all had a cup of tea & some baklava and the children were playing happily together...so all in all it was a very nice evening.

On Saturday - Raining heavily so we went shopping for shoes for the children - they got a pair of Converse One Star each. Then came home, had lunch, watched Project Runway, got a call to meet friends at local playground. So we went and did that, then went to their house and drank tea & I had my hair done by 3 year old...I actually love how it feels when someone plays with my hair. Then came home made children dinner then I snuck up to my room to watch Rachel Zoe Project. Played Lego, did some drawing with children, sent them off to dreamland, watched The Bill, read in bed then slept....a nice relaxing weekend.

Monday December 01, 08

wedding blues

08:29 PM

I'm back from my brief weekend away - and I am very glad to be home. The flying was actually ok, I get quite nervous before flying but I managed to cope. On the way it was quite amazing as we were flying in heavy cloud & all you could see out the window was white. It felt like I was in some totally new kind of space. On the way home it was clear (although a bit bumpy) and I got a really great view of our house...I could see it so clearly, even the dog in the backyard. Then when I stepped off the plane onto the tarmac I could see two little faces watching me through the window, it was so wonderful to see them again. Once inside, they both came running up to me, arms outstreched & we embraced in a big group hug. Then they asked where the Krispy Kreme doughnuts were! :)

The wedding itself was pretty bad...put it this way...I don't think my cousin & I are talking to each other. As I thought it would be - just nothing organised. So some tables on the night got no food, which is kind of not cool when people have travelled & spent money, they would like to be fed at least. My cousins attitude was pretty shitty & during dinner (we were served first luckily) she told me to fuck off. So that was that!
It was a strange night were the more I drank the soberer I seemed to get. Seeming to prove to me that attitued plays a part in how one feels when drinking. The only real positives were that the family got to see each other & spend time being a bit silly together.

I really don't understand how she just couldn't get it together to not get simple things organised. There is being relaxed but this was more like not caring. She looked really bad...we went to a salon to get our hair / makeup done & they ladies there weren't makeup artists. They were obsessed with wanting to wax my eyebrows (NO WAY!) and when I said I like quite pale make up they slapped on the bronzer so I looked kind of terracotta coloured...can't wait to see how the photos turn out.

Anyway, it is all over & done now...next comes Christmas!

Wednesday November 12, 08

how to be alone

05:21 PM

I'm finding that I am staying up way too late & being tired the next day. If only being a 'night owl' would fit in with school too. I have finally got the two children into some kind of working sleep routine & they are both asleep by 8:30pm. I am then finding that I am staying up later & later just to get all my work done.

I kind of like the silent house too, just me and whatever I am working on & not much noise or distractions.

In a couple of weeks I am flying to Melbourne to be Maid of Honour (yes, I have been promoted) in a wedding. For a while I was aprehensive about leaving the two little ones at home & travelling by myself. I had fears that the plane would crash - but now I am feeling kind of calm about it. Maybe even excited. It will be nice to spend some time away from home & be in a different headspace.

Although too much time in side your own head can be bad. Lately I've been thinking about where my life has been going. I was feeling that I have wasted so much time being a full time mum for the past 6 years. I feel like I should have done more with the kids or more in my own life. My life kind of feels a bit aimless, or purposeless.

Maybe this is just some kind of post-thesis blues. Like I accomplished something and now there is the big SO WHAT!

I just don't really know what to do to give myself some motivation, to move forward with something. Any ideas?

Thursday October 30, 08

Missed

02:41 AM

Ever since I read the casting note at my daughter's school announcing that Clive Owen was filming here I have been on a kind of 'stakeout', hoping to chance across him one day.
I think I missed my chance.
Found out he was on the main street, just metres from my dad's house, at a cute craft store buying handmade quilts made by one of my fave Aussie crafters...oh why! Wishing I had made a trip out to see my dad (and Clive)

Sunday October 26, 08

RE: mellow Monday

06:27 PM

Things have been quite mundane around here, nice...but not much to report. I was sick all last week with several things all at once. Spent a miserable Wednesday in bed, feverish and trying to sleep.
However, by Friday I was back to feeling better & appreciating my health!

On Friday night we caught the bus into town to see the launch of something called the Rundle Lantern; basically large lights around the side of a building...however it is very nicely done & there is something special about seeing large lights synchronised to music. The kids loved it and they got about 4 glowsticks each from the lady handing them out to the assembled crowd. My two were dancing in the street, busting out some pretty hip moves (and me wishing I had a video camera). After looking at the lights for a bit, we then went to a nearby cafe for gelati & then having missed the bus caught a taxi home.

That night I watched 'United 93' on TV, which while being a really good (well made) movie left me feeling melancholy.

Saturday was HOT...think it was about 38degrees, so we just stayed indoors for most of the day. The children made things out of recycled boxes & containers that I keep on hand for such occassions. It was interesting to watch them work, as my 6.y.o daughter requires help for just about all aspects of making (ie gluing, sticking, cutting) but my 2.y.o is determined to do it all himself. He made an elevator, a house for a caterpillar and a car. My daughter made a dolls house (split level, with a pool - quite fancy). Then later in the afternoon we went for a swim and while the pool was a little chilly, it was very nice to be in it.

Yesterday was spent tending to the often neglected garden - then friends came over & stayed for dinner which we ate 'al fresco'. In the evening the documentary about Scott Walker '30th Century Man' was on TV, so I watched that while having a piece of the banana bread that I had just got out of the oven.

I finished a few books this week too - one was an essay by Germaine Greer titled 'On Rage' in which she explores the feelings of rage held by Indigenous (male) Australians and rage as a destructive force. She talks about how often this rage is turned on the indigenous community itself, particularly the woman & children - but also witnessed in the high suicide & custodial rate in male Aboriginals. It was good reading & worth seeking out.

Before that I read 'Misconceptions' by Naomi Wolf - which opened my eyes up to a lot of things that happen during pregnancy/birthing ( and after). I didn't have the best time with hospital staff & reading about the "whys" of some practices made me realise that often courses of action are taken due to time, budgets and ease for hospital staff rather than the mother & child. There was also a sentence, which I underlined - saying that morphine can inhabit the bonding process & mess up breastfeeding for the baby. I was on morphine for 5 days before having my 2y.o and did find it difficult to bond with him & feed him...so I'm wondering if there is indeed truth to that & if so - why wasn't I told?

So today I am home alone, contemplating doing housework. Following up on emails and phonecalls & that kind of thing. Sometimes the days feel like they go to quickly.



[ home | terms of service ]