Morrissey - Q Questionnaire (Q Magazine, Jan. 1995)
reprinted without permission

photo: Jake Walters
Photo: Jake Walters

What's the first thing you do when you wake up in the morning?
Wish I hadn't.

What was the first gig you went to?
T. Rex, Belle Vue, Manchester, July 1972.

Which song do you wish you had written?
Loneliness Remembers What Happiness Forgets (Bacharach-David).

What is the best advice you've ever received?
"Just watch those fuckin' flowers," Paul Weller, 1983.

What is your most treasured material possession?
A black railway signalman's cap.

Who was the last person you slept with?
Me lodger.

What do you think of Bob Dylan?
He would've had much more fun if he'd been in the New York Dolls.

When did you last cry and why?
Death of Michael R.

What characteristics do you think you've inherited from your parents?
Irish defiance, Northern humility, implacable benevolence, not bad looks.

What is the biggest myth about fame?
That somebody somewhere consequently wants to sleep with you.

What are you like when you're drunk?
I begin to feel almost normal.

Who would you have play you in a film?
Richard Burton (as he is now).

Pick five words that describe yourself?
Loving, lovable, lovely, lovelorn, loveless.

Is there one piece of criticism that sticks in your mind?
"Morrissey conveys all the worst aspects of bestiality fused with homosexuality." Santa Monica Reporter, 1992. As if simply conveying basic bestiality couldn't satisfy me -- but no, I had to plunge for the very worst aspects! (I later wondered how this writer might describe the best aspects of bestiality.)

Do you believe in God?
I try to.

What is your most unpleasant characteristic?
Unlimited self-sabotage, morbid self-revelation, deadly accurate intuition, barriers of reserve.

What is your greatest fear?
That this is as good as life gets.

What ambitions do you still have to fulfil?
I'd like to have a sex life, if possible.

Are you afraid of failure?
My space in the dustbin of history somehow seems assured.

What do you never leave home without?
I never leave home.

Who is your best male friend and your best female friend?
Well, I wonder.

Who would you most like to meet?
Dirk Bogarde.

What music would you have played at your funeral?
John Betjeman reciting A Child Ill.

When you look in the mirror, do you like what you see?
A pleasure yet to come.

Do you have anything to declare?
They can kill me, but they can't stop me ... and so forth.