This is to test my resolve, isn't it?

By Currer Bell · Sep 3, 2011 ·
  1. Wow, TX dates in both Austin AND San Antonio? Be still my heart! Of course, I live in the very tippy tip of Texas, so I still need to make the drive and probably take the day off from work the next day.

    I feel like I should share a milestone that I've reached with my fellow Mozzites.

    I have arthritis in my spine.

    And why, dear god, would I announce such a thing?

    Because I've haunted the Moz internet world since I was 19. Now, I have been here long enough that I've developed an old person disease.

    Naturally, the doctor was a bit perplexed that a young person such as myself had such a thing, which is flattering, but it's obvious that I've been made old before my time.

    So far, it's not bad. It's just different than what I thought. Did you know that if you have arthritis in your back that it doesn't mean that you are in constant pain? No. If your hands and feet tingle or feel numb, you can have arthritis in your back.

    Anyway....

    Tomorrow I'm flying to see my sister in Colorado. I feel like I've fallen out of practice of traveling because I've been worrying over the goddamn taxi.

    Yes. My worry is about how early I should call to make sure they get me in time?

    And it's a completely stupid worry. For some reason, my brain doesn't want to understand that if things fell through, I could easily drive my car the 3 miles down the road and pay the extra $25 to park.

    Some people would pay the extra $25 and just be done with it and have their car waiting for them.

    Yes, this is the neurosies I can muster. :crazy: And I'm sure that I won't sleep well tonight worrying over it.

    I'd like to think that this is mere transference, and that I'm worried about something else, but obsessing upon this one thing. I get weird sometimes about things like that--especially when I travel. I go into super cheap mode. Suddenly, I really start worrying about the cost of a sandwich.

    And frankly, part of it is that I technically WAS poor for many years. However, thanks to student loans, I'm still not rich! :D

    Now, I have to transition to doing things that people with actual income would do.

    Right now, I still don't go crazy. My coworkers purchase Coach purses like crazy and I still want the El Cheapo JC Penney brand.

    But it's not just paying a little extra for parking.

    I should also make it a goal in life to actually go to a furniture store and buy real furniture. Even if it is just a couch. Or a kitchen table.

    Or how about live in an abode larger than a 1-1 apartment?

    Yeah, I know. But I'm still afraid to turn lose of money. Especially after I tasted unemployment/no job security for a year.

    Now, I'm having to go from "my entertainment expenses for today consist of $2 for Starbuck's so I can get out of the house" to "I can pay a little extra and conveniently have my car waiting for me when I get off the plane."

    maybe that's the problem. Convenience feels like such a luxury. I'm supposed to kill myself lugging luggage halfway around the globe just to save that extra bit instead of saying "fuck it!" and hop in my car.

    Hmm. Maybe that's what explains my back.

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