Plenty of Fishermen

By realitybites · Mar 28, 2014 · ·
  1. OK. Bear with me. I have not lost my mind. I really haven't. I can see Davie rolling his eyes.

    So, Ben wrote back. Says he actually only met one of Kent's ex subs. (Backstory: here & here) He exaggerated to inflate his ego. What else has he inflated? He says he didn't meet her on OKC, but rather, at another site called Plenty of Fish. Heard of it, but never visited the site. Three minutes later, I'm checking out some profiles. No need to sign up first like you do at some of the other sites. Wow, I decide, the caliber of men seems to be greater at POF than at OKC—at least in the looks department. So, I sign up. This site is free as well and has a similar format to the others. Of course they want a photo. They all do. So, I upload the first pic in my random pics folder that looks cool. It is a photo still from the film 8 1/2. I am not sure about posting a pic of myself at this site yet. I want to get my feet wet, so to speak.

    Holy Toledo! Not even a minute after submitting my profile, I get THREE messages. Not one. Three. And the guys aren't too shabby. Nor are they far away. Locals. Two ask about the photo with some pretty witty remarks. I play a little guessing game with both. Neither have seen the film. Won't rule out either based on this alone. Then over the course of the next hour, I get five more messages. Three want to meet me. Now this is just creepy. I have had no contact with them nor have they even seen my photo. Desperate?! Undiscerning?!

    Before I headed to bed, I uploaded a real pic of myself.

    Well, Tad—that's what I will call him here, as he claims he is a yuppie—just wrote again this morning. Must have seen the pic. Still interested. That is a good sign. I think. And gave me his phone number. I asked him if he is working this morning. Last guy I asked this said no, he works nights at Walmart. Nothing wrong with that. Better than living on the dole, right? Anyhow, Tad writes back and says, "No.... was thinking of me hiking... I have some gathering or something at 5 and that's all." How many strikes do you see in that response? Let me break it down. One, possibly unemployed. Two, hikes. I hate hiking. Three, used the pronoun 'me' when he should have said 'I.' Lame-o. Four, can't construct a proper sentence. Four strikes. That is one past already being out. How much do you want to bet he has a big smelly dog? I don't think I will be texting him.

    Online dating—who does it and why? Seems these folks are pretty lonely. Kind of makes sense. They are all middle-aged singles/divorcees and empty-nesters or childless. They are in the second stages of their lives and want to share these upcoming years with someone special. I get it. I think. Why am I doing it—I mean exploring this subculture? For research purposes, of course. :rolleyes:

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  1. realitybites

    OK, here they are, my top five deal-breakers:

    Passive aggressive
    Alcoholic/drug addict/smoker
    Abusive/critical/possessive/jealous
    Needy/insecure/clingy
    Unattractive/grossly overweight/facial hair
  2. realitybites
    I am going to come up with a list of deal-breakers. And then move the most important ones to the top of the list. As the video suggests, you should have no more than five. I guess things like not married, not a psychopath are givens, so I won't list things like that.

    I do know from experience, that there is one thing that IS a deal breaker, that I cannot tolerate, and that is passive aggression. I could go into lengthy detail as to why this behavior/personality trait is so toxic. But I have to leave to go to work. Will post my deal-breakers list later this afternoon.
  3. realitybites
    Whoa, that video is great. Thanks for sharing it. I need to watch it a few more times so that its 'truths' sink in.

    I think I could be with someone that hunts or fishes out of necessity. But not for fun.

    Great observations about Tad. He doesn't seem to be a narcissist like so many others I have come across so far. Stroking someone's ego is so tiring and futile. And there is absolutely no reward in the end to be gained by doing it. As soon as you stop, they move onto the next person who will.
  4. Iona Mink
    Yes, a hunter would be a definite no. I think it shows arrogance and a lack of empathy. Would I date a man who hunts for food though? I don't know. It's interesting isn't it? Sometimes you have a quick gut reaction to something but then over time it settles and you get used to the idea. It's not as bad as what you initially thought. Is that a bad thing? Does that mean I am fickle with a lack of moral fortitude? Or perhaps a person willing to compromise? In keeping an eye on the bigger picture do you end up settling for more and more? That's tough.

    There's an interesting link about that...

    [youtube]r1tCAXVsClw[/youtube]

    But hey Tad...doesn't mess you around while you wait for him to respond. He's interested in learning about you. Can we mark him as being attentive? And not self obsessed? That's two good points at least.
  5. realitybites
    Just got this email from the POF administrator... "You haven't even been on Plentyoffish for 24 hours and already you have had 39 men view your profile!"

    Whoo-hoo! :lbf:
  6. realitybites
    I wrote Tad and asked how his hiking excursion went. He said, "Perfect. Thanks." Then asked how I was doing. I responded with some general cliches. Then asked if he ever listened to Slate's political podcast, as I was listening to it while writing to him. He said he hadn't. Then made a few convoluted comments, stating that asking if Hillary is too old to be president is a sexist question. Maybe writing isn't his best channel for communication? His profile says he is an engineer. That could explain why his written skills are not the standards of say, someone with a liberal arts background. Might be better at math. He is 6'4". His profile also states that he has opened several businesses. So maybe he is self-employed? This would explain why he could have a Friday afternoon off to hike.

    On a side note, I have received several more messages today from different men. Two are avid hunters--actually have pics of themselves posing with their kills. Yuck. I am not vegan. But I couldn't be with a hunter. Not a hunter who hunts for sport. I'm sure you know exactly why. And feel the same, being vegetarian. Though I do agree that it is good to try to step out of one's comfort zone. But hunting? That is just too uncomfortable for me.

    Glad you are enjoying my adventures with online dating. Thanks for reading and posting. :)
  7. Iona Mink
    S'alright. Your gut instinct may be correct however I am forever reading stories of couples whose relationship started with "When we met I thought he was a Class A douche bag...". I know I didn't have love at first sight. It took me a little while to come round to the idea.

    I think there is fun (and learning) to be had when your comfort zones are challenged....even if the encounter turns out to be fruitless.

    I'm enjoying reading your adventures. Keep going! :D

    Edit - Oh! and maybe Tad is super wealthy and doesn't need to work any more....hmm? Maybe...
  8. realitybites
    OK. You convinced me to be open minded. He indeed may be a wonderful guy. I am going to send him a message and ask him how his hiking excursion went.

    Thanks Iona. :)
  9. Iona Mink
    Oh don't discount Tad!

    Some thoughts:

    1) Maybe he thought after he pressed send, "christ, why did I say "me hiking", what a tool."
    2) And so what if he likes hiking and you don't? Maybe he is an amazing guy and he could share with you what he likes about hiking and you could share with what you don't.
    3) you don't know he is unemployed.
    4) again, see point two. He could be spectacular in all other aspects; loving, kind, attentive, honest, good hearted and you would discard that because his sentence structure is wrong? Does a strong sentence trump all other positive characteristics that he might possess?

    Don't let first impressions get in the way, especially if the first impression is via email. People can surprise you. If you discount them too early, you might miss their chance to really grow on you.

    Ix