Blog Entries from angelunimportant

  1. Paint a vulgar picture

    Just been emailing my ex about a few things left that need to be sorted. He says he's angry with me, he says I'm treating him like shit because I only contact him when I want to organise getting his things out of my house. How can he not know it's because it hurts too much to talk to him? I was so happy with him, I had a life all planned out with him, house, kids, everything and now, nothing. When we lived together yeah I had no job, no friends and nothing of my own but I had a man who...
  2. Must I Go Bound

    Must I go bound while you go free? Must I love one who doesn't love me? Must I be born with so little art As to love a one would break my heart? I put my finger into the bush I thought I found a lovely flower The thorn it pierced me to a touch And so I left the rose behind I leaned my back up against some oak I thought it was a trusty tree But first it bended and then it broke And so did my false love to me Must I go bound while you go free? Must I love one...
  3. Close your eyes, and think of somone you physically admire.....

    Well my current plan on getting over him really isn't working, I'm trying so hard to find someone else, someone who actually wants me back but still all I him of is him. If I'm out with someone else I don't wanna be there, I can't concentrate, they're just not him. I spend my time thinking through our conversations and looking for clues that maybe he does have real feelings for me, dreaming of situations where we could be together. When I talk to him I find myself hinting very strongly at...
  4. For once in my life........

    We went out again yesterday, we always have so much fun talking and laughing. We played hangman on the way back, swapping the small note pad back and forth, every time our fingers touched..... I started to feel the compulsion to tell him how I felt, I knew it was a bad idea and would just make things weird between us but the urge got stronger and stronger. I started to use my hangman answers as hints, he knew there was something I needed to say but I kept talking round it, I couldn't say...
  5. Confusion is a way of life

    So I have actually joined a few dating sites (no judgement please) I'm lonely and I'm now too old to just go in a bar and pick someone up. This guy wants to meet me, he seems interesting but the only day he can do is Wednesday and I'm spending that with Tom (friend I've fallen for). I'm worried I'll spend the time comparing them and this new guy might not match up, I'm really not so what to do.
  6. My heart is a lost cause

    I went to the zoo with him yesterday, just the 2 of us. It was so easy and comfortable, we talked and laughed in ways I can't with anyone else. We played chess on a little travel set I'd bought him for when he was finding communication difficult but as it was we talked all the way through the game. I managed not to try and hold his hand or stand too close to him this time, mostly because we weren't drinking I guess, but on the way back I did hug him and kiss his neck, any excuse. I wish...
  7. Hello again

    According to this site I joined in 2006, it seems so long ago and in some ways I was such a different person back then. Though of course in some ways I'm exactly the same. I still struggle with bad thoughts and the compulsion to self-harm, I slipped up a few days ago which resulted in 9 stitches. On the other hand I worked for a few years and not only that, I was actually very good at my job. I am now back at university hoping to start a degree in Marine Biology in September depending on...
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