Blogs

  1. Whisper To A Scream

    "James Dean revealed the subtle light which rests so eloquently on everyone, and as we follow his sleight of hand, we wonder how it ever managed to be so elusive. Like everything intimate, remote and transforming, when all was nearly apparent, he disappeared, leaving only his iridescent traces. This was James Dean's magical capacity." "Stardom gave an indestructible aspect to "James Dean," but it was the deceptive ordinariness of his creation and the very casualness with which he adopted...
  2. Life Is Crazy

    This week has been difficult. I could barely drag myself out of bed yesterday. I just didn`t have the will to get up and face another day. In fact getting by day by day is really difficult for me. Just simple everyday things feel like a monumental tasks for me. I`m always so tired and have no energy. Even though I`m always so tired it takes pills to make me sleep. No meds means no sleep for me. This has gone on for years now. I can`t see an end to this. It feels like this illness has been...
  3. Believe it or not

    one can serve ones country, with distinction even, find they’ve discovered something they’re actually quite good at it and walk away, cuz to kill for lies and evil old men is simply not worth the vain glory of it all, the death and destruction is something someone like me can get use to really, but the injustice of it all was just too much, killing people that don’t deserve it is a weight like no other really and while life post army has been hard, never really fit in anywheres, I don’t...
  4. Statute Of Limitations Has Surely Expired On This

    Just wanted it to be finally known that I was the person who perpetrated the 2001 "Striptease With A Difference" hoax referenced here, here, and here. I mixed my own moos with the generic striptease song and then appended that to a snippet of a studio-release version of a Durutti Column song from the same time period as Viva Hate. Here's a link to the raw and mixed "moo" files. Back when this was done, my friend and I believed that if a fake version were released, it might prompt someone...
  5. Must see film

    Can’t rate this film I’m too close to it in watching and in my deeply catholic upbringing, but it’s an important film, it will stand the test of time, warning though, it builds slowly and is filled with religious allegory that you might miss, but for me? It’s a masterpiece...
  6. I'm proud of Moz,

    for I'm Not A Man. Great album, that World Peace Is None Of Your Business
  7. Coming to terms with the inevitable now

    Last year the Dodgers were one win from winning it all after 29 years and not gonna lie, it hurt a lot, I sat there watching it alone, all who I’d watch them with we’re dead and buried or gone from my life, and well, this year they are good, but far from great, just too many missing pieces, sure, they could still make the post season again but they aren’t special, best to comes with it now, before October, a hard enough month for me as is, best start mourning another season ending in...
  8. What did you do in China?

    Enquiring minds want to know it seems :guitar: Taught kids English, saw the country, ate lots, drank lots, smoked lots, dated various lovely women, some way out of my league if I’d met them back here, almost got married, couple of scrapes with the law, consulate fixed one, company worked for fixed the other, then got clean and sober long enough to just realize I wasn’t equipped there to just keep it up for too long. The expat community is mostly drunks and addicts, our AA meetings were...
  9. Oh blue dreamers eyes...

    "I'm a serious-minded and intense little devil, terribly gauche and so tense I don't see how people stay in the same room with me. I know I wouldn't tolerate myself." ~James Dean~
  10. No one

    A normal day. It is late afternoon and I am getting my workout in. The music is blaring and I am pumped. I feel very strong. In between benchpress sets, John Denver's song, "No One" comes on. Maybe one of the saddest songs I know. The songs ending verse is belted out in a desperate and urgent plea. I am stunned into a tearful reminiscence on the bench. Oh, my young life had lived this song so many times. "I came into this lovely city About three weeks ago today And I've been trying to...
  11. I`m Not Happy And I Am Sad

    I feel numb. I`m not sure if it`s the meds or not. I feel empty inside. I don`t seem capable of much these days. I look in the mirror and all I see is emptiness in my eyes. My body feels exhausted all the time. This illness takes so much from me. I don`t see my purpose in life. I don`t feel alive. I do have things I am grateful for like my family. It isn`t perfect but whose is? I feel guilty for feeling so down. I know that there are people that have it much harder than me. But I guess that...
  12. Relearning how to navigate this site.

    Some would know me as redpathetic. I don't have my password anymore. This site is different now. It's been a long time since I've posted.
  13. Release Me

    My week didn`t start out so well. I started the new med my psychiatrist prescribed to me last week and it didn`t agree with me. It made me sick to my stomach. I won`t be taking that again. When I saw him last week he also prescribed something that would help my anxiety during the day. I took it today and it made me feel tired. I also take it at night. My meds tend to make me sleep a lot and if I don`t take them I don`t sleep at all. I think they make me feel numb and lifeless or maybe it`s...
  14. Loss

    My step dad died 415 days ago, he was only 67, set to retire at the end of last year, missed that by half a year, oh the cruel irony of that, tireless worker his whole life, one of those things that makes one certain there is no god or if so, what a total dick this supposed deity is & so yeah, his death, my step dad, it still hits me hard sometimes, like today weirdly I guess. Its my mom’s birthday and normally I’d have been helping him figure out what to get for her before today because...
  15. Who is in the photo of SPENT THE DAY IN BED of vinyl album?

    Is he Rock Hudson?? Appreciated if someone informs me.
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