Blogs

  1. Disorder

    I 've had trouble sleeping for a long time now. I have probably written before that I can`t sleep without the help of meds. I have racing thoughts and they seem to get worse at night. During the day there are distractions. Like errands I have to run and household things that need to get done. Nights I sit in my bedroom and watch TV. Nights are the worst for me because that`s when I feel the loneliest. It`s quieter at night but my thoughts grow louder at night. They go from very unwanted ,...
  2. I guess I can try

    I've been pondering writing about my life. I guess I would start at birth. I was adopted at 2 weeks old supposedly, in Montreal. I was told that the maternity ward that birthed me burned down along with all records. The people who adopted me weren't emotionally savvy. Under their naive noses their other adoptee would attempt to kill me by a variety of means, but she was thought of by our mother as the good child. She was four years older than I. I suspect our father sensed Deb was mean, but...
  3. human beings...

    ... are nature's artificial intelligence. dont know whether this thought is new or not but it's very clear to me that mankind projects all its hopes and fears into ai that it is unwilling to accept as part of itself, most strikingly its ability and tendency to exploit and destroy its very source of life, which is nature. next question: what would ai be to nature if mankind was made redundant and disposed of by ai? a source of energy, most likely. this relationship would resemble that...
  4. The Little Prince

    "Life itself is only a vision, a dream." "Nothing exists save empty space and you" ~Mark Twain, The Mysterious Stranger, Chapter IX~ "...In antiphonal azure swing, souls drone their unfinished melody...when did we live and when did we not?" ~James Dean in a letter to Barbara Glenn~ Sing me to sleep...
  5. I've been there.

    I've been roofied. So I guess that's why I have such strong feelings about Cosby. It happened to me twice. I'm glad he's in jail now. His spokesman is trying to turn it into a race war. [URL]https://dailym.ai/2OO95tV[/URL]
  6. Get that thing away from me

    Approximately 5 days ago I started to not feel so hot. I assumed it was just nicotine withdrawals and just got some nicotine on Friday. This turned out to be a big mistake for what I actually had was the mother of all flus! I shall not go into details but let’s just say after soldiering on for days, something inside me just dissolved away. The pain hit me all at once, head, stomach, vomiting, diarrhea, runny nose, just the worst and all because of my wonderful little nephew, he’s adorable...
  7. Moz Solo Hall of Fame

    (Not including myself cuz that would be presumptuous) vicarinatutugal virtually dead chica realitybites nugz (Shit, didn’t mean for it to be all women) the more you explore me!/Cornelius blaze Uncleskinny Bored !Viva Hate! Buzzetta Jukebox Jury Kewpie troubleluvsme -I could go on, but 12 seems good, some people now that might rate someday of course...
  8. Breaking free one last time

    When push comes to shove, she’s with them against you :straightface: sooner you realize that, the better dude :o Got to get out of here and be free of all of these people, no exceptions... Update: Ok, so they could see I was pissed and they gave me the lowdown, which is good, cuz while I could just never speak to most of my fam ever again and it really be a blessing, fact is, I love my mom dearly, always will and I’d like to soak up as much of seeing her before I go off globetrotting...
  9. Barbara, It Was Really Nothing

    "Jimmy could turn people off, and those who weren't his friends had little time and effort to spend dealing with it. "Of course Jimmy had his reasons for what he did." "Jimmy wasn't a very social human being, or a nice person to a lot of people, and some people approached him with a chip on their shoulder, trying to prove they would find what they didn't like in Jimmy. " "Jimmy was not good at reaching out, and you just knew that anything could be mistaken for a rejection. I felt like I...
  10. The Scars Still Linger

    It`s been a few years now since I last self injured. I still wear the marks it left. The scars are still there reminding me of what I did to myself. All the time I dragged the razor or scissors or a jagged piece of broken glass across my arm or the times I used cigarette lighters to burn myself. Sometimes I can`t believe what I`ve done to myself and I am disgusted by what I see when I look at my scars. Other times I miss the relief it used to bring. That moment when I could breathe again. I...
  11. Burt talking about Sally Field

    "I miss her terribly, even now, it's hard on me. I don't know why I was so stupid. Men are like that, you know. You find the perfect person, and then you do everything you can to screw it up." -amen brother...
  12. Dads

    So couple of days ago my plans for the future basically blew up. Then the day after was my father’s bday, the 18th he’s been dead for, but I can still hear him now, bellowing “get the fuck back up, you got this!” and as hard as my life has been, Bob’s was filled with huge obstacles, so was my other dad’s, Reece. They both pushed through in totally different ways, Bob was a loud bundle of energy and intellect, while Reece was quiet, calm, steady and wise. I just need to channel what both...
  13. The Plight of the Introvert

    Introversion should not be confused with shyness. Two different concepts. One can identify as a loner yet feel quite secure interacting with others both in familiar and novel environments. Shy folks feel insecure in social settings. They feel inadequate—like they are lacking the necessary skills to navigate and converse successfully. Sadly many of them are extroverted—desiring to be a part of the group. But fear restricts their agency. Whereas introverts never want to join the group. They...
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