Blogs

  1. wtf, why do I have to do this twice!

    Dear China, 4 am here, day after National Day and well, just couldn't sleep. the fireworks are over, though the smell still permeates the air as I smoke this 555 ciggie. its like this, I knew what I was getting into when I came here, I thought, but before I was in Chengdu, Sichuam province, pretty, happy, outgoing people made of a possibly unique population of various ethnic groups which came together to from their own. Jiangsu aint like that, here everybody is the same and in my city they...
  2. 64

    In honor of James Dean, I gave blood today. It is the 64th anniversary of his death. Please Remember...
  3. I’ve changed my plea...

    Guilty Guilty Guilty “When people are ready to, they change. They never do it before then, and sometimes they die before they get around to it. You can't make them change if they don't want to, just like when they do want to, you can't stop them." ~Andy Warhol ~
  4. part 1: my helene fischer years

    hundreds of old slides were given to me by my mum with the order to dust, chronologically sort, catalogue and digitalize them, so that she can look at them again in a nice album, which i will have to assemble online and then have it printed and sent to her afterwards. well, thanks mum. not that i have some other fish to fry in this crucial phase of my life. my pleasure. i entitled this picture "my helene fischer years". here, skinny me is chanting a welcome address to the rising sun on the...
  5. Dear dead dad

    Today is the 18th birthday you didn’t live to see, would’ve made you a ripe old age of 72, real up there age wise for the men in our fam as our history goes. Anyways, I’d like to say that I finally got it all worked out, you dont have to worry, I mean I am 46 now, but well, I don’t, but often when I do its because I remember something you said to me when you were alive. I just didn’t listen to at the time, but I did hear it and remember lots of it. You were so right about so much. I can...
  6. intro: why?

    in this new blog series i'm gonna explore the importance of music in my life. it's not a limitless source of memories. it is very limited. i hope a yet hidden leitmotif will emerge from such an idle activity. it's supposed to trigger off a chemical crystallization process of the mind. other memories might materialize from that as well.
  7. China update

    the entry stuff into China, banking stuff, getting internet, all that, its much harder now than it was 3 years ago, so much so that if I'd known it would be like this then I might not have come, but I'm dealing with it and I at least know one competent person here, my boss, I've always chose bosses more than jobs and its done me good here for sure, muddling through it all while taking on lots of classes is bit of a stress, but thankful I'm sober, couldn't do all this otherwise...
  8. After All This Time

    I`m feeling pretty blue at the moment. Blue and empty inside. I feel the time passing by and I`m still here. It`s been better and it`s been much worse but it never goes away. Ever since I became ill I feel like I've never had a moment of peace. My mind is always going on a loop thinking of the worse case scenario`s . I haven`t hurt myself physically in years now and I don`t want to really return to that unhealthy type of coping mechanism but sometimes I miss it like an old friend. I mean it...
  9. buh bye

    first SFO then Wuhan, finally Shanghai, in the end had to get all the Visa stuff done myself, you want something done right? you gotta do it yourself...
  10. Bourdain

    One year ago today you left us. Still sad. Still confused. I fear I will never know why you chose to go. :( My goodness, I sure would like to sit down with you and share a beer or a cup of coffee. You were one of a kind. You are missed and loved by millions.
  11. Bliss On A Summer’s Morn

    I lingered in bed much longer than I needed to this morning. I had originally woke up five hours before. But it was just one of those mornings too delicious not to sink back into for a while longer. It was the air. Slightly humid, just thick enough to almost make you believe you could float if you wanted to but not so heavy as to press you down. And the temperature had dropped overnight into the 50s so it was perfect for sleeping nestled under a duvet. As the sun slowly rose up, bits of...
  12. GoT, ranking the seasons

    #1 Season 6, the best battle sequence “Battle of the Bastards” Hodor saving the day, revenge on the Freys, the Sept blowing up, the Snake Sisters, lots of Melisandre, verbal sparring/friendship between Tyrion and Varys, oh and one of my fave actresses was in it for a bit, Essie Davis #2. Season 3, The Red Wedding(thankfully, I knew about it from reading the books years earlier, otherwise I might have had an aneurysm, but it was brilliantly done) Dany getting the Unsullied, The whole Ramsay...
  13. There Must Be Something.......

    What`s wrong with you ? Why don`t you smile more ? I can`t answer those questions : out loud to anyone anyway. I can admit it to myself though. What`s wrong with me ? For one thing I am terribly unhappy. For another I've been feeling horribly lonely lately. I do have my family and believe me I`m really grateful for that and I know some people have it much worse than I do. I am very aware of that. I know what makes me feel so alone. It`s what`s wrong with me and it`s what sometimes makes my...
  14. cold turkey

    so I did the step down thing to the 3 mg ones for the last few weeks, but they ran out Friday, so now its no nicotine at all, and since I gave up the clove ciggies before even that, my head just hurts now all the time, everything is annoying, getting off these things should be easier than cigs, much less nicotine in them, but I think that since so much makes it into the blood stream, as opposed to when I smoke a clove like I use to, that these withdrawals are really off of more nicotine,...
  15. WARNING: GoT SPOILERS

    Well, this one was horrifying but brilliant, which is perfect, power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely, no matter the person and in Dany’s case genetics and environment predetermined her descent to evil. Her father was the Mad King, an inbred tyrant, she was raised by her witless, cruel brother, then she went from one terrible situation to another, filled with masses of murder and betrayal. Of course, she did the wrong thing at KIng’s Landing, the surprise is not that it...
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