Blogs

  1. Money Changes Everything

    An old friend that I've known my entire life sent a message through my Mom asking me to call him. Unless I mean to be found, I cannot be found, but, I am really easy to get a message to. We have the same phone number that we had when I was in Kindergarten. Mom said he was telling her how he'd bought a place on the river and that he's got the yacht on his own dock. He's been running an antique business and apparently it's doing pretty well. He told Mom that he would pay for me and Thomas to...
  2. On Writers and Writing, by Margaret Atwood

    " A gift is not weighed and measured, nor can it be bought. It can’t be expected or demanded; rather it is granted, or else not. In theological terms it’s a grace, proceeding from the fullness of being. " Margaret Atwood
  3. 64

    In honor of James Dean, I gave blood today. It is the 64th anniversary of his death. Please Remember...
  4. I’ve changed my plea...

    Guilty Guilty Guilty “When people are ready to, they change. They never do it before then, and sometimes they die before they get around to it. You can't make them change if they don't want to, just like when they do want to, you can't stop them." ~Andy Warhol ~
  5. China update

    the entry stuff into China, banking stuff, getting internet, all that, its much harder now than it was 3 years ago, so much so that if I'd known it would be like this then I might not have come, but I'm dealing with it and I at least know one competent person here, my boss, I've always chose bosses more than jobs and its done me good here for sure, muddling through it all while taking on lots of classes is bit of a stress, but thankful I'm sober, couldn't do all this otherwise...
  6. After All This Time

    I`m feeling pretty blue at the moment. Blue and empty inside. I feel the time passing by and I`m still here. It`s been better and it`s been much worse but it never goes away. Ever since I became ill I feel like I've never had a moment of peace. My mind is always going on a loop thinking of the worse case scenario`s . I haven`t hurt myself physically in years now and I don`t want to really return to that unhealthy type of coping mechanism but sometimes I miss it like an old friend. I mean it...
  7. Blogs imported into new system

    For compatibility with a major site upgrade coming later in the year, the blogs system needed to be moved to a new system. All previous data should be imported. Blog related URLs have changed so update your links if you have them. Please let me know if you encounter any issues.
  8. Rest In Peace Red Woman (spoilers)

    I knew ppl were gonna die, but did they have to kill the hottest woman on the show? whatever, guess with the Night King killed she had no part in the much less consequential battle for the Iron Throne, which to tbh? I care far less about, obviously I wanna see Cersei defeated, but the last 3 episodes are a bit anti-climatic for me...
  9. how not to lose weight

    this aint rocket science, but made one change from 2 weeks ago, ive been having a can of soda on average once a day and boom! like that weight loss gone, that black sugary death, its my bane and oh yeah, just for an extra emphasis by body has been telling me not to have any of that shit my giving me stomach pains late in the night the last few days, but lesson learned, again! ps: ok, so I did have one ridiculously rich and calorie filled meal in these last 2 weeks, but I can think thats ok...
  10. Go Rams!

    Remembering the only Super Bowl I ever went to, my dad had just weeks before made his escape from Iran and he spent a buttload of money on tickets even though he really had no place to live, crashing at some other oil engineers place while he waited for a settlement from Fluor for losing all his shit and his Iranian money now being worthless, those oil boys did come through though, got their people out(unlike the US gov) and compensated them for their troubles, Fluor, a corporation I don’t...
  11. oh yeah

    when not lot going right in life, important to note what is, still sober and still losing weight :guitar:
  12. the battle continues

    Two weeks now since the last life altering cataclysm befell me and while my rule is to only weigh myself no more than once a month or so, the scale here in the in the bathroom beckons to me every time I go in there, cuz yeah, I wanna know, I’m sure the thing I miss most about those 2 months, my daily walks along the river and fields, lacking now from my life is also putting the pounds back on, but how much? Well, here goes, the update: Weight - Date: 219 lbs - 1/17/19 2 more lbs than I...
  13. Maybe This Year

    I've been like this for years now. Ill that is. When I was first treated for mental illness I was treated for depression and anxiety. Now my diagnosis is bipolar 2 with panic disorder. I feel my depression more than hypomania. I've read a lot of people with bipolar 2 are also that way. I've also dealt with an eating disorder and self injury. For years I've been dealing with all of this. With bipolar it`s a lifelong thing. Now it`s a new year. I`m always hoping for a fresh start. I`m always...
  14. fml

    A week now since everything kicked off, lost my new job and home all in one go. Where to start? Well, I first started to suspect something was up when my mom went down to visit my brother for a few days in late November and my boss, D. came into work, not from his house which is down the hill from the office but was dropped off one time by somebody I didn’t see and another time he came in with the other guy who works in the office. Oh, important detail, my boss was my mother’s boyfriend,...
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