Blogs

  1. Barbara, It Was Really Nothing

    "Jimmy could turn people off, and those who weren't his friends had little time and effort to spend dealing with it. "Of course Jimmy had his reasons for what he did." "Jimmy wasn't a very social human being, or a nice person to a lot of people, and some people approached him with a chip on their shoulder, trying to prove they would find what they didn't like in Jimmy. " "Jimmy was not good at reaching out, and you just knew that anything could be mistaken for a rejection. I felt like I...
  2. The Scars Still Linger

    It`s been a few years now since I last self injured. I still wear the marks it left. The scars are still there reminding me of what I did to myself. All the time I dragged the razor or scissors or a jagged piece of broken glass across my arm or the times I used cigarette lighters to burn myself. Sometimes I can`t believe what I`ve done to myself and I am disgusted by what I see when I look at my scars. Other times I miss the relief it used to bring. That moment when I could breathe again. I...
  3. Burt talking about Sally Field

    "I miss her terribly, even now, it's hard on me. I don't know why I was so stupid. Men are like that, you know. You find the perfect person, and then you do everything you can to screw it up." -amen brother...
  4. Dads

    So couple of days ago my plans for the future basically blew up. Then the day after was my father’s bday, the 18th he’s been dead for, but I can still hear him now, bellowing “get the fuck back up, you got this!” and as hard as my life has been, Bob’s was filled with huge obstacles, so was my other dad’s, Reece. They both pushed through in totally different ways, Bob was a loud bundle of energy and intellect, while Reece was quiet, calm, steady and wise. I just need to channel what both...
  5. The Plight of the Introvert

    Introversion should not be confused with shyness. Two different concepts. One can identify as a loner yet feel quite secure interacting with others both in familiar and novel environments. Shy folks feel insecure in social settings. They feel inadequate—like they are lacking the necessary skills to navigate and converse successfully. Sadly many of them are extroverted—desiring to be a part of the group. But fear restricts their agency. Whereas introverts never want to join the group. They...
  6. Whisper To A Scream

    "James Dean revealed the subtle light which rests so eloquently on everyone, and as we follow his sleight of hand, we wonder how it ever managed to be so elusive. Like everything intimate, remote and transforming, when all was nearly apparent, he disappeared, leaving only his iridescent traces. This was James Dean's magical capacity." "Stardom gave an indestructible aspect to "James Dean," but it was the deceptive ordinariness of his creation and the very casualness with which he adopted...
  7. Life Is Crazy

    This week has been difficult. I could barely drag myself out of bed yesterday. I just didn`t have the will to get up and face another day. In fact getting by day by day is really difficult for me. Just simple everyday things feel like a monumental tasks for me. I`m always so tired and have no energy. Even though I`m always so tired it takes pills to make me sleep. No meds means no sleep for me. This has gone on for years now. I can`t see an end to this. It feels like this illness has been...
  8. Believe it or not

    one can serve ones country, with distinction even, find they’ve discovered something they’re actually quite good at it and walk away, cuz to kill for lies and evil old men is simply not worth the vain glory of it all, the death and destruction is something someone like me can get use to really, but the injustice of it all was just too much, killing people that don’t deserve it is a weight like no other really and while life post army has been hard, never really fit in anywheres, I don’t...
  9. Statute Of Limitations Has Surely Expired On This

    Just wanted it to be finally known that I was the person who perpetrated the 2001 "Striptease With A Difference" hoax referenced here, here, and here. I mixed my own moos with the generic striptease song and then appended that to a snippet of a studio-release version of a Durutti Column song from the same time period as Viva Hate. Here's a link to the raw and mixed "moo" files. Back when this was done, my friend and I believed that if a fake version were released, it might prompt someone...
  10. Must see film

    Can’t rate this film I’m too close to it in watching and in my deeply catholic upbringing, but it’s an important film, it will stand the test of time, warning though, it builds slowly and is filled with religious allegory that you might miss, but for me? It’s a masterpiece...
  11. I'm proud of Moz,

    for I'm Not A Man. Great album, that World Peace Is None Of Your Business
  12. Coming to terms with the inevitable now

    Last year the Dodgers were one win from winning it all after 29 years and not gonna lie, it hurt a lot, I sat there watching it alone, all who I’d watch them with we’re dead and buried or gone from my life, and well, this year they are good, but far from great, just too many missing pieces, sure, they could still make the post season again but they aren’t special, best to comes with it now, before October, a hard enough month for me as is, best start mourning another season ending in...
  13. What did you do in China?

    Enquiring minds want to know it seems :guitar: Taught kids English, saw the country, ate lots, drank lots, smoked lots, dated various lovely women, some way out of my league if I’d met them back here, almost got married, couple of scrapes with the law, consulate fixed one, company worked for fixed the other, then got clean and sober long enough to just realize I wasn’t equipped there to just keep it up for too long. The expat community is mostly drunks and addicts, our AA meetings were...
  14. Oh blue dreamers eyes...

    "I'm a serious-minded and intense little devil, terribly gauche and so tense I don't see how people stay in the same room with me. I know I wouldn't tolerate myself." ~James Dean~
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