I'm glad she has such good taste!

Feb 28th - Mar 5th 2009

Had a Wildean time between the sheets reviewing old live footage from the Oye Esteban Tour and catching up on '24.' The bast**d fax kept lighting up as the c*** from my management team sought to determine whether I was 'good to go' (to Florida). Can't they leave me in peace? I f***ing told them Florida had no decent veggie restaurants and NOT to book the shows. But did they listen? Did they f***. It was like the Isle of Wight all over again. I should sue the b*****ds for compo.

Mar 6th 2009

Crawled out of bed. Wished I hadn't. Things were going so well until I got to the venue in Myrtle Beach. Wonderful food, handsome people and surprisingly good boutiques. Shamefully, the venue wasn't equipped with a 52" plasma screen with built-in DVD player. Hence, I couldn't play my Diana Dors footage and warm up the 'instrument.' I may as well have left the DVD behind. I can't believed I dragged it all this way for nothing. To add insult to injury, some of the fans in the front row clearly couldn't sing and one of them gave me a bit of a cold. By 'This Charming Man,' my nose was blocked. By 'Life is a Pigsty,' my nose had emptied into my throat. "Yer bas****s," I thought to myself as they flailed around in the ever-changing ocean of people, clearly not comprehending either how sick I was... or that they were - at least in part - responsible.

Mar 7-Mar 9th 2009

B**ger them.

Mar 11th - Mar 22nd

My stocks are up. Purchased some gucci thermal underwear. No more need for central heating - a bit more in the piggy bank for Christmas. Played a few live shows.

Mar 23rd

I Played again on American television, where - at least - I am fully appreciated. I played that one that sounds a bit like 'Swallow On My Neck' from my latest album. Forgot the name now. Cracked open a bottle of sauce to celebrate an anticipated 0.9% sales boom in the US market, following on from 'Fallon.' Well, the bottle has more than paid for itself.

Mar 25th - April 16th

You should try Flacos: www.Flacos.com. Well you did, actually, obviously. Anyway, you know what I mean. Had it flown in every night of the tour. Bloody delicious. Also negotiated a wage cut for the sound man and lighting bod. Honestly, you wouldn't believe the overheads on this tour. I feel like I'm a registered charity at times. Also played a few shows.

Apr 17th 2009

There is nothing more distressing than the smell of cooking meat. Unbelievably, they didn't shut down all the meat vendors at Coachella in preparation for my arrival for an 'appearance.' Having the aroma of burning animal flesh entering my nostrils reminded me of the cold a fan thoughtlessly gave me earlier last month. (I feel like advertising on my posters: NB If you have a cold - please stay at home and watch me online. I have only two nostrils and I cannot afford to lose one of them.)

Anyway, to cut a long story short, the gig was a catastrophe. I think I'll cancel tomorrow.

Apr 18th 2009

I contacted my private physician, who informs me it's perfectly possible to induce acute lung injury through the inhalation of smoke from burning meat. Had a bit of a cough, so I cancelled the show. Still, it was only Oakland and there's bu**er all there in terms of decent veggie food anyway.
Apr 27th

SG & M performed abysmally in the charts (27.4 release), despite the addition of extra tracks. Do you think I could get away with a badge or poster for the re-release of KU? **** please return to this thought in 2010.

Apr 28th-July 22nd 2009

Managed to get to work almost every day. I only cancelled 9 shows. That's less than 20% of my live shows. But, of course, the press aren't content. The NHS functions with a sickness rate well above 20% on bank holidays. Do you see the press moaning about the f***ing NHS? No. No. No. Oh, but I'm different. I'm Morrissey so I deserve this. They have the right to attack me - and indeed they must - simply because I'm famous. Anyway, I'm feeling fighting fit.

I like your hips!

Having seen her sing something closer to high-NRG than high-art on 'the X-factor' and then sink into a bath full of men, I wouldn't have put her down as a Morrissey fan.

Is any of her material worth listening to?

I can totally see Morrissey posting this!

It's pretty, prettay, prettay...curious, I think.

Very funny!

Have a great Christmas because we all have nothing better to do than be on So-Low, but laughing is good, especially when you need a break from reality of this holiday...I escaped to the insanity of So-Low and managed to crack my ass up with my Christian Brothers Holiday Nog, (the Brandy's already in there) by reading this post!

In a very ho-hum type of way, I slink away from the crowd of vulgar sweaters and Santa hats...dear God please help me.

This was pretty entertaining...I see no need for negative moderation feedback, it was just funny. Most people idolize the man, and can see the humor in this...moderators, well, I'm gonna give them a
-1 on this and rate them 'R' for retarded.

Happy Christmas Bitches, try to relax your buttcheeks for 5 minutes and laugh a little.

Now listen here, Lady Gargoyle, I've bought my nephew your album 'The Fame Seeker' and if I'm at my sister's trying to get drunk on Guinness I really don't want to listen to you with that 'Nom nom nom nom' song, understood?

Good! Now piss off and don't make another album until I've popped it.

That moz doesn't decide to take her on his next tour as the opening act.that would be painful to sit through.

And I thought I couldn't love her any more than I already do!

So that's why Perez Hilton is so interested in Morrissey all of a sudden as he is trying to majorly suck up to lady ga ga who doesn't actually write her own songs... but lets ignore that and er ... look at her goofy clothes gee are they ever goofy....

Moz should see this for what it is , and oppotunity to work with her and expose himself to a whole new audience . A series of one off unexpected collaborations over next summer with (whisper it ) dance oriented artistes would set him up perfectly for one last great work free from the ghetto that is the squall of distortion ,leaden arrangements , and dare I say lyrical comfort zones.

Wow, if this doesn't get flaimbait, after mine did, there will be no justice in the world.

Fuckin' weirdo, choked on every last drop of what??? What is wrong with you? Kids, this is an classic example of when Mom does meth and stands too close to the microwave when pregnant, you end up posting ridiculous statements that only you think are funny, and your pics show up on Peopleofwalmart.com when you thought no one was looking as you were shopping for your peanut butter for your little doggie, Precious.