A little light relief!

A man wakes up in hospital, bandaged from head to foot.

The doctor comes in and says 'Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. '

'Now you probably won't remember, but you were in a pile-up on the motorway.' 'You're going to be OK, you'll walk again, everything, but something happened. I'm trying to break this gently but your willy was chopped off in the wreck and we were unable to find it.'

Now the bloke groans a bit but the doctor goes on, 'You've got £9000 compensation coming to you and we have the technology now to build you a new willy that will work as well as your old one did, better in fact. But the thing is, it doesn't come cheap. It's a thousand pounds an inch.'

The bloke perks up at this.

'So the thing is' the doctor says, 'it's for you to decide how many inches you want. But it's something you'd better discuss with your wife. I mean, if you had a five inch one before and you decide to go for a nine incher she might be a bit put out. '

'But if you had a nine inch one before and you decide only to invest in a five incher this time she might be disappointed.

So it's important that she plays a role in helping you make the decision.'

So the bloke agrees to talk with his wife and the doctor comes back the next day.

'So' says the doctor 'Have you spoken with your wife?'

'I have.' says the fellow.

'And has she helped you in making the decision?'

'She has' says the bloke.

'And what is it?' asks the doctor. . .

'We're having a new kitchen.'

Let's all hope that Tim's job was not in danger and that IPC didn't hurriedly ask for a retraction to bolster their case. How cyncical would that be?

Peter

Sorry, but after reading the journalist's post, I'm starting to think Morrissey made a mistake and is now playing the whole "They're out to get me, I'll sue, etc." card. I don't see any reason why Tim Jonze would would lie or print something Morrissey didn't say. It sounds like he printed the quotes accurately and wrote the article based on Morrissey's responses.

And I've been a fan for over a decade, have all the albums/singles, been to a dozen shows (some at great distance and expense), blah, blah, blah...I've even met him briefly! So, please, no haters questioning my fandom. Morrissey should know better not to say those things or AT LEAST know when to keep certain thoughts only thoughts and not words spoken to the NME.

Levitz Comment No. 813009
November 30 22:16

Aol/gbr I have read the full interview with Morrissey as published in the NME, and while I don't necessarily agree with Morrissey's comments on immigration or his nostalgia for an England that has long since past, to suggest that they are racist belittles the gravity of that offence. He talks of immigration, you imply race, the two are not interchangeable.

Tim, I think you are being deliberately obtuse by suggesting his reference to Dublin accents in Zagreb is him likening British ethnic minorities to tourists. Surely it is more likely to be directed at the recent (mutual) opening up of EU borders to the newly joined Eastern Europe countries, i.e. suggesting an economic migration of Irish workers to Zagreb through the same channel, rather than suggesting British ethnic minorities are tourists.

The NME have distorted his words to create an inflammatory situation, the cover quote
'The gates of England are flooded. The country's been thrown away.'
is an amalgamation of two separate quotes. The quotes do not share the same sentence or same paragraph in the interview in fact they do not even share the same interview, the latter quote coming from the follow-up and the intention is obvious. The commentary that surrounds the latter stages of the interview is some of the most self serving, self righteous, schoolboy hackery that I have had the displeasure to read in recent times.

The NME is has not been a relevant music paper for a long time, perhaps if it concentrated on improving it's woeful music coverage rather than stirring up controversy and believing in it's own pompous grandiosity it might have a relevant future.

Tesswood
Comment No. 813030
November 30 22:34
Brighton/gbr Levitz I think you are right about Morrissey's meaning. I can't help but think one of the problems with this interview is that the moment Morrissey mentioned immigration Tim immediately thought "Asians" whereas from Morrissey's subsequent comments it's clear he wasn't thinking of that at all. His comments about the rapid change in London have been echoed by visiting friends of mine who have remarked, neither approvingly nor negatively, that London is now full of European accents.

Tim Jonze is still young. He´ll grow up someday (hopefully) & he´ll learn.

& maybe one day he will understand what the controversy was about, maybe he will even understand what the difference is between Morrissey´s words & what´s been read into them.
But I suppose that would mean he has to actually read the article, which he apparently can´t do in a beach internet café in Thailand.
& he would also need to do some reflection on his own interpretations.

It seems that once again Morrissey is to pursue through the courts once again - and will fail. I'vre read the interview as printed in the NME and found it to be no more horrifying or suspect in content than any other Morrissey interview given over the years. Indeed considering Morrissey hasn't lived in the uk for many years now - he seems to have some valid things to say - which are quite fitting. But is he racist ? Is there honestly anyone in the uk who after several events that have taken place can claim not to be to some extent ? It is also true that we can't tarnish all different religions etc etc in the same light. But no-one can ignore that here in the uk there is a major problem with border control- wait a minute - WHAT BORDER CONTROL ? I do believe that what Morrissey is doing in this instance is wrong - the NME have been nothing but good to him in his career on the whole - but he seems to do things sometimes that aint exactly well advised - that is if he actually takes advice. Morrissey is indeed a legend to all followers of his music (me included) - but i'm getting fed up with the sideshow that seems to hang around him.

Huge congrats on the new record deal - let's hope we have another album in the same vein as viva hate or quarry - but no more RINGLEADER - £2.99 in HMv - says it all for me !

As with so many things, I have several opinions to express...

1. This could all just be a manufactured non-event designed to sell music mags and redundant best-of compilations. Morrissey is no stranger to the great British tradition of hurling oneself face-first into the bosom of tabloids who simultaneously outrage and titillate their readership. I believe Mr. Morrissey himself also enjoys that kind of relationship with his audience. And clearly, we love it!

2. Morrissey is not really saying anything he hasn't said before. Remember when he decried the rise of dance music and other forms of (truly) contemporary culture? The man has never been fond of embracing change. That's part of the Mozzer package. I don't believe he's actually identified any people in particular that he dislikes. What he actually takes exception to is *change* in all its forms. Whether it's technology, immigration, or the music business he hates movement on any front. He has an ideal in mind and wishes that everything stood still. It's not even the pace of change that the Morrissey personality finds frustrating -- 25 years on and he's yet to keep up - with anything!

I'm so tired of spoilt white people calling statments on the bleeding obvious 'offensive'. Tim wants to get out more. I'll tell you what I find 'offensive'. Islamic Sudanese imprisoning and threatening to whip an innocent English teacher for letting the Muslims she teaches name their teddy 'Mohamed'. Now that's offensive.

If Conor McNicholas manages to keep his job, JONZE will be getting more assignments or a promotion of some sorts with NME. Another journalist (I have very little love for or faith in the profession) takes a political stance... surprise surprise.

Guess who gets a raise from NME when this is done over?

Hey Tim Jonze - Now my letter to Conor applies to you too. . . .

Furthermore, what Morrissey said is not offensive or "racist." It is an opinion. Folks are allowed to have one without it being sensationalized and called "racist."

First of all everybody in at NME and Question Time needs to take your head out of those PC clouds, wake up and realize that what Morrissey said is not a racist comment! I have no idea what kind of a world you folks must live in - I am starting to think it must be a whole lot of rainbows and butterflies. How can you use the word RACIST regarding what Morrissey said? How is that about race? WHAT DOES IT HAVE TO DO WITH RACE? Is anybody paying attention? Perhaps Tim Jonze and Conor McNicholas need to be shipped off to SUDAN to do some journalism on the situation there... then perhaps they could use their beloved word RACISM.

WAKE UP NME!!!! REAL RACISM HAPPENS AND PEOPLE are sometimes even MURDERED when it happens... and here you go throwing that word so freely about. You abuse the word and to me THAT IS DISRESPECTFUL OF BLACK SUDANESE and what they are facing right now... go to SUDAN for a few years and cover the situation there, then come back and interview Morrissey and try to tell me he is racist.

You are acting like spoiled brats who know nothing about the situations that happen in the world.

And since you think that immigration is a race issue, I will also apply the comparison to cultures that are abused (not race, culture - those are two different things folks;) why don't you go to TIBET and coverthe Chinese government mowing down entire monasteries with machine guns? Why don't you go to India and cover the Hindu's and Muslims setting one another's trains on fire?

I was walking on the shores of the Ganges in Haridwar one morning and the Muslims had taken the hooves of cows and other slaughtered animals and littered the Ganges riverside with them on the dawn of Kumba Mela, the holiday when the vegetarian Hindu's bathe in that sacred river for spiritual cleansing... Have you ever seen that? Have you seen their faces in the morning when they come to bathe? Apparently not or else you would never be tossing that word around so lightly!

Why don't you do something about the situation I saw in the airports of Dhaka in Bangladesh, where thousands line up to board airplanes to work as slaves for Saudi Arabian oil families because their lands have been flooded due to the cutting down of all the trees in the Nepalese Himalayas after they were bought by the Russians?

What do you really know about people suffering because of where they were born, what religion they are, what color their skin is, what their countries economic conditions are? Apparently not much or else you would not be throwing such accusations around so lightly.

Kanye West had a good reason to say "George Bush does not care about black people." NME just sound like a bunch of spoiled brats who are throwing around a very serious word - it appears to me you folks live in LA LA land and you are bunch of spoiled twerps trying to look and sound cool and heroic if you think what Morrissey said is RACIST.

UTTERLY pathetic, political, apparently sheltered BRATS.

Jonze, I am suprised you are in Thailand. I suggest that you take a side trip. Go to the front desk at your little internet cafe on the beach and ask about bus trips to Cambodia. Do a little bit of research and ask some older folks about the Khmer Rouge, take a day trip to Choeung Ek - 1979 is recent history.

I bringing up these things not because I am against immigration in any way - it is simply to take you out of your little bubble and give you a little bit of perspective... You really should n

http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=us er.viewprofile&friendid=32657722 [myspace.com]

Why don't you drop him a line? :)

really, i can't understand everyone standing behind and attempting to justify Morrissey's comments.

they are dumb-headed and wrong. end of discussion.

how can you write a song like Mexico, about poor Mexicans being picked on by evil whiteys in Texas, then piss and moan about all the unwashed scum "flooding the gates" of England? all this while he, a foreigner, lives in Italy.

furthermore, his comments were racist. yes, they were. what is racism if not an opinion? racism is a way of thinking; you don't have to inflict violence upon another race to be racist

i still love the man (second time this year i've had to reassure myself) and always will, but this coming so soon after the dick-move of sacking Kristeen Young...well, maybe the guy oughtta take a vacation and get his head right.

Today, all of England was in an uproar because Morrissey, aging popstar, noticed that people in London spoke differently than in year's past.

The United Kingdom, a country who back in 2003 sent troops to Iraq and caused the deaths of tens of thousands of civilians and plunged the nation into civil war with no end in sight, decried Morrissey's insensitive comments about the foreign nationals who relocated to the United Kingdom. Many of these "foreigners"-persons who would not have relocated had their countries actually been run by real governments in the post-cold war era and not by the mob-were received with warm understanding in their adoptive countries. All were given the best maid service and trash collecting jobs, and not a single British person grumbled when they had to stand in line behind "one of them" while using the NHS.

Morrissey, a person born of Irish immigrants who ultimately left their home country after British rule had irrevocably damaged the infrastructure which had lasting effect for decades long after it achieved its independence, was called a "hypocrite", "closed-minded", and an "instigator in these sensitive times."

The NME, acknowledged that it made no sense that a man who couldn't stand foreigners has been living amongst foreigners for the last 10 years, but were undeterred. The NME editor complained, "You see? This is proof positive that Morrissey is a racist! He ran off to live in Los Angeles and was surrounded by a bunch of Mexicans for 10 years! Then, he went off to Italy and was surrounded by Italians! Will this man do nothing to get away from the immigrants who live in the United Kingdom? The fact that he forced himself to eat pizza and spaghetti for the last 3 years tells me that the man would rather eat dirt than sit next to a foreigner in the United Kingdom!"

He looks like someone who still wet their bed....oh poor delicate flower. Young & overly keen.

it's again the media against Morrissey

NME must have threatened Jonze to say something like this otherwise he would never ever get work
by musicmags

I have no other clue than this 200% changing words on this matter from Jonze

http://viewmorepics.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseacti on=viewImage&friendID=34163432&albumID=0&imageID=1 609344

Are emo University rejects, and radical Muslims running the UK now?

I can find no other reason for the countries ass backwards, almost fascist mentality when it comes to free speech.

You guys have bigger problems than this shit, such as actually salvaging your country from what appears to be an Orwellian style take over.

No wonder so many Brits are leaving the country, while the rest of Europe, and Asia moves in. You fight too hard to protect their feelings which only breeds a sense of entitlement.

When I read these discussions about British society, I thank mother nature that I live in the U.S.

Despite our flaws, we at least have a means to protect our speech from raving mobs of radicals.

He uses "whilst" in the first sentence. That does it for me: he's scum.

Moz likes the old idealised idea of English culture above the incoming ones. Hence as hes no fan of American culture the influx of Mexicans et al wouldn't matter much to him at all.