My Mom had the talk with me.She started telling me how I am not trying and how I just sit and stare at the walls.She also started telling me how I need to go to church more and if I did than I would be healed.She also told me that cutting myself isn`t helping me even though I think it makes me feel better.It does make me feel better though the night before last I cut myself on the wrist and leg and put out four matches on my wrist and I`ll probably do it again this morning(it`s almost three o clock in the morning here.)It is twisted but it makes me feel better.It is a release for me.I don`t scream or yell I just hurt myself.Then she says and I quote "those people (mostly Morrissey)on your wall aren`t going to help you".She doesn`t understand when I listen to Morrissey I always feel a little better.I love his music.

Then she starts on about how I need to do something with my life like go back to school.I don`t want to.I did better in college than I did in high school.I hated every minute of school.The only classes I liked were my art history classes.I hate ,hate ,hated school.I don`t know what to do with myself.I don`t even drive because I am too nervous.Pardon my French but I a giant fuck up.I hate myself.

*********************************************
  Pleasure For Beautiful Bodies But Pain For Beautiful Souls ~Oscar Wilde~