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Saturday October 24, 09
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12:38 AM - wonders what to do sometimes....
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So, SA is obviously not the world's most exciting place at the moment since my social life is a vacuum.
However, I wonder at moving back to Austin.
Last Christmas, I was lying there alone in bed, and I had dreams that at next Christmas, I would have someone I could share the holidays with.
Well, I guess that's not going to happen again. I've wasted so much time on guys (plural) that ended up wasting my own time. Right now, I feel like I'm up against insurmountable odds just because I can't even find a guy who shows willingness to actually pursue a relationship.
Today, I had an interview with an agency here in town.
I have mixed emotions about that.
It would be great to be amongst "friends" again, but it seems like half of the time that I go and hang out with them that I cringe at the time warp everybody is living in. I think a major source of the problem is that they've got Dorian Gray complexes from working in the university system. Instead of maturation, they lead lives similar to college students.
Tonight, I met up with "the gang."
What happened was that S said, "let's go out to eat!" then it changed to "let's go over to this other chick's house!"
Later on, it morphed into, "my allergies are acting up and now I can't go!"
But A went, so I tagged along with only a small inkling of what was going on.
I vaguely knew that one woman from various other parties. I gathered fairly quickly that her roommate was quite masculine. Then, it finally became known to me that the party consisted of me, A, two lesbians, a woman sliding into middle-age who already has a kid at home, and a guy who smelled like an ashtray who was dating some weird Asian chick.
Granted, they watched Shaun of the Dead and Harry Potter complete with an overdub track by some comedian, but still, at least hanging out with guys like Robin would have been a slight improvement because it would have at least given me some hope that I will ever have male companionship again.
I know that S is married and A is in some sort of major funk because of some guys she has dated plus the fact that her dad is a skuz, but on my god! even if I found a job in SA, I could at least put down roots and have some excuse for joining some clubs or taking some photography classes. I seriously wonder what would happen if I end up back in A-town.
And a lot of it is just me. I think that one thing that law school has done for me is that it has finally rendered me completely homeless. I haven't seen Ft. Worth since I was about 10, I haven't been to Texarkana for a few years now and I especially hate going back because I can sense the despair of no longer having any grandparents, and now, I've managed to outgrow many of the attitudes of Austin; this while I haven't really put down any roots in SA because everything I knew in San Antonio (the law school) is now almost completely gone from my life. On the weekends, I pretty much stare a hole in the wall from literal boredom.
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