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Saturday July 18, 09
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12:07 AM - Interesting quandary
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I had already made my vote, so I guess it doesn't matter in the end, but here is a small and relatively petty "if you were stranded on a desert island" sort of debate that I ultimately can't resolve with a satisfactory answer:
Here I am, 34 years old, as you know, and with a facebook page. Someone I went to high school with sent me a friend request.
If that were all, and that person was someone I had either a neutral or pleasant relationship with at the time, I would add them and go about my business.
However, this person was this fat old bitch who gave me shit for at least the last couple of years of high school. I won't repeat the nickname I was given. Somebody else coined it, but let's just say that she found it hilarious and endeavored the spread of its use so that during football games, a good portion of the band would shout it at me in unison while we were sitting in the bleachers. Let's just say that the nickname had nothing to do with any trait that I personally had, but it's just one of those things where I was basically in the wrong place at the wrong time when somebody made a random observation and I was already the butt of jokes, so it got pinned on me.
Anyway, that amongst other things like how she would fling lotion on my clothes to make it look like I had cum on me, or took great delight in calling me up to play a message on her answering machine that some guy she had been dating (and dumped and who was then trying to date me because he hoped it would make her jealous) called and begged her to come back.
anyhow....
so, seriously...she wanted me to add her as a friend.
Part of me thinks, "seriously, that bitch thinks that I want to talk to her?"
The Angel, however, thinks, "but that was when we were young! I'm sure she is no longer that kind of person....this was, after all, over 15 years ago. Do you want to harbor that sort of resentment over the years?"
The Devil replies, "but that's the exact point of facebook. why would I want to reconnect with people who brought bad times to my life?"
The Angel then says, "but maybe this is where healing begins...."
The Devil says, "and it's also like saying that she gave a shit about you to begin with. It implies that somewhere over the ensuing years that she manufactured some sort of concern for your well-being."
Angel says, "but you don't want to be mean or obvious....at the end of the day, holding a grudge over such old actions is a pet peeve of yours, and you rarely have those moments. After all, look at who you are quasi-dating right now if you want to look under the dictionary of people who forgive and forget"
Devil says, "and why not? what happened in this latest incidence has paid off to an extent. It would fucking take someone with greater grasp of the English language than what I have to even begin to describe why I've resumed some sort of relationship with Robo, but I can't argue with the results. I'm in a better spot than where I've been over the past year, which is a massive boost considering I have the bar in less than 2 weeks and need all of the strength I can muster, so you shouldn't judge me that harshly....but back to this other lady. If I can point to one interaction I've had with her that I can honestly say i benefited from it in some way, I'd give it more thought."
Angel says, "do you really want to judge a person on past actions? Maybe she rescues abused kitties or speaks out about school bullying. It's almost like saying horrible things about a person who has just died."
Devil says, "I can't imagine why in the fuck she would care at this point. And what sort of cracked person says, 'hey, let me facebook add the person I used to give shit too in high school."
"but do you want to be like one of those episodes of Jenny Jones where people show up and say, 'look at me now!' and everyone bitches about how they need to 'get over what happened years ago.'?"
"You know what? that's the powers that be want you to do. they want you to shut up and take the high road because it's up to you (as victim) to prove to the world that you did not deserve to be bullied. people want to put you under a microscope and incessantly judge how you handle the situation because they want some sort of vindication that you would have done the same thing had you been popular enough. they want to believe that they are not a horrible person and they do it by making you justify your lack of perfection."
I don't know. Maybe it's indicative of how few friends she has in real life....but I'm like "REALLY."
So, I didn't add her.
Maybe it's petty. Maybe it's what each and every last one of you would have done in my spot....but I don't want to see that person's face. She brings back no pleasant memories.
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