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Tuesday August 26, 08
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06:27 PM - going to test the waters
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i'm sorry, but i can't live like this.
and if it was a mistake that i got involved with him, well, i can't wash it away because i'm probably going to see him every day. if i'm being weak by buckling, well, i'm sorry, but there isn't an off-switch. i can continue being unnerved, depressed, and unable to sleep, or i can try to fix this. i don't exactly have a grapevine to exploit in knowing what his thoughts are, and if i get beaten down...well, i don't know. however, it remains my gut feeling that it has to be done no matter how "wrong" it might look, or how degrading it might actually be. I can't let the right thing destroy me when emotions are based upon something else.
not that i'm calling him. i've posted something innocuous on his Innocence Project page in response to a message he sent out to all of the members about getting it started up. if i don't hear from him....well, i don't know. there just has to be relief from this somewhere.
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